self_imposed_temporary_silence the_dark_knight this is where i was tricked i think 000808 ... enriquecito we smile complicitly, pretending to be so cool that words freeze before they can cross our lips. there once was a tumbling, and never before did i realize how delicious it was to feel both sides of the razor piercing my skin at the same time. entombed by our own rules, sounding the echos of our hearts to the ends of the earth, with the vague hope that the other one, a stone's throw away, might hear. 010501 ... Dafremen left to my own somber musings, I tossed away thoughts of so-called love and caring and reflected upon the reality of this relationship impossible enough to do seeing as how just the mental image of you strikes at my heartstrings in a lead-piano-hammer kind of love tap that I have absolutely no control over I stop analyzing, I start thinking with my heart instead of my mind and prepare to soar of into nirvanic heights of amor the likes of which have only existed in my wildest dreams. you purse your persimmon sweet lips and whisper to me, "I don't think this is working out, G'BYE!" Doh! True love..uh huh yea RIGHT. Stupid heart! - - 010501 ... Milton Freidman Hostility from the jilted. There's a shocker. 010501 ... Special K "And would it have been worth it, after all, After the cups, the marmalade, the tea, Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me, Would it have been worth while, To have bitten off the matter with a smile, To have squeezed the universe into a ball To roll it toward some overwhelming question, To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead, Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"— If one, settling a pillow by her head,     Should say: "That is not what I meant at all.     That is not it, at all."" 010501 ... Dafremen Gorgeous do0d...do0dette..truly gorgeous. Milton: Married happily for eleven years and going...that wasn't hostility....that, dear sir was ROLE PLAYING. Sorry to hear YOU'RE so familiar with the emotions of the jilted. : ( 010501 ... Special K Dafremen: D00dette, thanks. I wish it were my own text, but alas I am a culture pirate. So you're 11 years married? Way to go, man. How/when did you know it was right? Was there a particular, transcendent moment of clarity, or what? 010501 ... Dafremen No actually Ms. K, I didn't know that I was truly in love with this beautiful woman until I had to clean up her puke. Now I know that sounds less than romantic in fact it prolly sounds sick, but let me explain.(I do so LOVE to tell a good story!) When I met guerita(her handle) we had both come off of some REALLY f*cked up marriages. The last thing that either one of us wanted was to get into a serious relationship.(I was 21 she was 19) So for like 3 to 5 months solid it was nothing but party, party party til the wee hours of the dawn. We did valiums and coke and weed and speed and crystal and you name it. We drank beer and tequilas galore and danced until the Tijuana bars closed down. We lived in hotels, because well, we pretty much only needed a place to sleep right? One night, we had been drinking like f*cking maniacs again and she was a lot drunker and more nauseous than I was. At first when she puked, I thought "F*ck this is f*cking digusting no WAY am I cleaning that sh*t up." Then I looked at her and realized that if I didn't clean up her puke, noone else would. In the whole wide world I was TRULY all that she had (her family was 1200 miles away, mine 1500) and she NEEDED me...right then. So...drunk as I was, I found a wastebasket, I put it under her mouth and moved her closer to the edge of the bed. I put a towel under her head after cleaning up the puke. I made her take 2 aspirins and drink some water. I covered her up with a clean blanket and watched over her until she stopped puking..then I went to sleep. It was that moment when I looked at her and realized (after her pushing me away so many times and my doing the same to her) that here was a person who knew what it meant to be hurt, here was a person who wouldn't hurt me...much. Here was a person whose PUKE I was willing to clean up, whose SHIT I probably would have cleaned up had she REALLY needed it. Here was the person I loved. She didn't REALLY fall in love with me until months later when she had FORCED me to get in a cab and leave. When I saw her running full speed after the cab screaming my name, I knew that my love had truly found a home with her. She admits that THAT was the moment that she new she loved me. I guess one of the things that life has taught me is that looking for love is most productive when you're NOT listening to flattery or looking at someone's ass, tits, face or hair. It's when you can see someone at their WORST and STILL want to be with them that you KNOW that love could be on the way. Love is mainly a bullsh*t excuse that guys use to get into your pants....I'm sure you've figured that out already. You make sure that guy can look at that one nipple hair or listen to you burp. Fart in front of him or pretend to snore. Don't give him fantasy girl, that's not you and that's too easy. You give him the REAL you at your worst. If he sticks around..he may be worth your time. 010501 ... Special K Dafremen, Funny story... hits home with me in funny ways. Thanks for confirming something I secretly suspected; here I was, waiting for lightning to strike or for God to shine a heavenly light upon my beloved... turns out I just need a weaker stomach. ;-) 010502 ... enriquecito Or less pride, seeing as she went to the bathroom for the deed and closed the door tightly... on our first dinner date, at that. The best I could do then was restore calmness with a hug and some white rice. 010502 ... Special K ...and are you saying that, had you seen my worst side, this might have been love? (because I'm willing to do it again if it'll sway you.) 010502 ... enriquecito seeing the end of the road is a relief, because it places limits on what still needs to be traveled, and lets you know that the trip is finite. worst, best, it's all you, and I'll see it all sooner or later I hope. 010502 ... Dafremen Now THAT was nice and a little less (seemingly) pretentious. : ) Daffy P.S. Not me pal, give me an open road and no place to go and I'm GOOONE man. Hope it NEVER ends. 010502 ... Special K Daffy: Dude, when you see her wife, have her kiss you once for me. She's a lucky lady. ;-) 010502 ... Special K Whoops - when you see YOUR wife, naturally... 010502 ... Dafremen Well...what I plan on doing to the missus tonite I'm afraid wouldn't be appropriate to attribute to you. : ) Next peck on the cheek she gives me is all you, k? 010502 ... Elliot Ryburne a shut mouth and a quite mind. two blank eyes and a placid face. a nessicary containment of feelings. a still heart and two empty lungs. sweaty palms and cramped legs. a million things going through my head. ...and you had nothing else to say... 051106 ... blather spell check quiet 051107 ... blather spell check necessary 051107 ... Wheres Andru at? Try this. 051107 ... Elliot Ryburne supposedly i cant spell. 051107 ... unhinged i spend my friday nights cleaning so that i am not too wasted to get up on saturday mornings to go to meditation group 090424 ... unhinged (enriquecito and special k were the romeo_and_juliet of blather n'est pas?) 090424 ... Ouroboros blather_tragedy 090424 ... ambermoon ......... 090425 what's it to you? who go blather from