gold_star_presentation_ceremony Kontrol The great blather_church_hall, built by Lord Twickenham Twist- Fiends, the eighth marquis of Blather in the early eighteenth century is filled with the flickering golden light of a thousand candles. Two huge sheets of dark blue velvet, embroidered in microscopic light blue thread with the entire text of Blather hang either side of the enormous organ. Every blatherskite, past and present, sits chattering expectantly, carefully holding a candle each, taking care not to get hot wax on their dark blue uniforms, each of their light blue neckties tied in a perfect noose. Wilty the janitor takes his place in front of the organ and begins to play chopsticks very badly. The huge oak doors at the back of the hall open and Kontrol strides up the wide central aisle exuding an air of pride and purpose. He walks slowly and solemnly up the three steps to the podium, faces the crowd and clears his throat. Wilty collapses to a stop at the organ and slumps sideways off the pianostool, landing on the floor with a thump which echoes around the huge ancient hall. Muffled giggles break out across the audience, silenced by a raised hand from Kontrol “Blatherskites. It is my great honour and privelige to present the gold_star. As you are no doubt all now aware, my blathering days are shortly to come to an end. It has been both a pleasure and a torture to bring order to this insanity but I am an old man and I just can’t swing that cane the way I used to. Although it pains me to desert you while an evil infant demon has omnipotent power, there is never a good time to leave. You will just have to fend for yourselves. It gives me great joy to have as my last act one of reward rather than punishment. The recipient is not one whose behaviour could be described as uniformly impeccable but she has shown a willingness to change which would you would all do well to note. The decision was not an easy one and my thanks go to Bijou the filthy anarchist and DB for their excellent answers to Kontrol’s_blather_test and to all those who have made my time here so interesting – Bono in lingerie, johnny West, Sol, Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong, Wilty the janitor (of course), baby satan and others too numerous or depraved to mention. With this, no more. It only remains for me to ask Nocturnal to take the podium and make her acceptance speech." Kontrol steps away from the podium, wiping a tear from his eye as the crowd erupts in cheers and applause. 010629 ... nocturnal ::: jumps out of seat, runs out of church hall screaming and flailing arms with joy ::: 010629 ... Dafremen (sitting outside the church hall with several boxes of "Silent Bob..a Golden Star" T-shirts and nothing to do with them.) Noc...never in my wildest imagination would I have thought...but then again...I guess neither did you Kontrol. Sigh. Sorry Bob...maybe next overbearing headmaster. 010629 ... nocturnal ya see? that's why I don't like you. you have no faith in me. almost as bad as my parents. and people wonder why I have insecurity issues. plus, bobby didn't even take the test. some of these kids these days (especially the high schoolers) are such slackers. no desire to test themselves or to try to educate others through their attempts. 010629 ... Dafremen oh and like you're a shining bastion of all that is gold-star worthy? Get off yer high horse lady....are you familiar with the expression FLUKE? Silent bob should've had this by a long shot...I should know..I belong to his church on Blather Red and is gold-star-worthiness is mentioned in the brief church history at the front of the brochures. 010629 ... nocturnal whew! otay. sorry, everyone. guess I got carried away there. I'm back, now though. so here goes. um, I wanna thank everyone who made this possible; kontrol, my "competitors," and everyone who blathes for being my inspiration. well, except daffy because I hate him. actually, could we have security take him away? that'd really be a great help. thanks. and hold him till the celebration's over at a_round_of_applause_for_nocturnal. everyone else is invited. alright, this is so unexpected, I don't know what to say. I haven't even been around all that long and this place has honestly become my online home. you are all my family and my friends and I'd like to share this star with you all. but none of you earned it, so too bad. I'd like to thank kontrol once again and say that I'll be sorry to see him go. had it not be for the discipline he gave me in detention_after_school and all the other countless life lessons he has given to each and every one of us, I may not be standing here in front of you today. you've been a wonderful leader, a stern but fair disciplinarian, and an inspiration to us all. thank you, my dear blatherskites. much love to you all. alright, now let's go sacrifice our brain cells at the party in my honor. see y'all there! 010629 ... Dafremen (voice muffled behind huge ape-like security guard hand) mmmit's mmooot fbbair sbbilent bob sbbould mmet mah mmmolden sbbtar!!! myooll ppbay fbor mmis nocturnal myooll ppbaay! 010629 ... nocturnal um, guards? feel free to whip out those stick things you have, mace, guns, whatever. anything to shut that guy up. don't worry about legal action. I work in the supreme court system, I've got connections. daffy, when will you learn? 010629 ... Kontrol The blatherskites filter out of the hall, heading for the party at a_round_of_applause_for_nocturnal whooping and chattering. Kontrol stands alone on the podium until the hall is empty. he takes one long look around the great hall and takes two steps down, then stops and sits on the top step of the stage. From his pocket, he takes a long thin coffin shaped box, made of onyx. he flips the catch on the side and the box opens to revail a lock of flame coloured hair. "My work here is done" he says, and softly and silently fades away For the snark was a boojum you see... 010629 ... Dafremen Hey wait a minute....nocturnal has flame colored hair...huh?! NOC!!!!!! NOOOOC!!!!! You'll pay for this...as gawd is my witness you'll paaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!! (scene fades and CUT) beautiful Kontrol..you're a genius man...truly a work of majesty, dignity and great untold truths. Bravo! 010629 ... dB *Runs in* DID I MISS ANYTHING?? Sorry, I was on holiday, AM on holiday right now so I missed the presentation. Congratulations Nocturnal, I thought you should have got it. Daffy, I think you should not have got finance to make those t-shirts, yeah?. Farewell Kontrol. We will miss your... um... something... yeah. Who now will step forward to be Head_Monk? (Siddown Daffy). 010630 ... nocturnal aw, thanks buddy. you didn't have to take time out of your holiday, though. you're too kind. 010630 ... dB Hey, I'm on holiday. That means no work. This ain't work. Will you be head monk now nocturnal? 010630 ... nocturnal hahaha! I can't be head anything of anything. this whole place would be shot to shit. even moreso than it already is. 010630 ... dB well, you can imagine wot'll happen if daffy took on the role (yeah, I know you hate him), but he is the only other choice, unless s'bob will step forward. 010630 ... baby satan just remember who's in charge of the universe here. 010630 ... nocturnal yeah, I'm not so sure baby satan needs any more control. what about you, dB? I think you'd do a fine job of it. and daffy is hereby automatically disqualified for the position for being a fuck up. I feel I will not be opposed for this motion. 010630 ... dB Hmmm... I cannot train him. Angry is he, impatient. You have too much bias. Also you are a newbie, compared to some of us, unless you are a changed user ID that I didn't spot. 010630 ... black-dyed gel product speaking of shot to shit... ~~~black-dyed gel product whips out a big ass machine gun and shoots up the organ, hall, and Dafremen's ankle~~~ HAHAHAHA!! SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!! HAHAHAHA!! Behold the power and evil of blatherexcessiveviolence, which is now free to proceed unchecked in Kontrol's absence! HAHAHA! EXCESSIVE VIOLENCE FOR ALL!!! HAHAHA!! ~~~proceeds to shoot the hat off of silent bob's head~~~ AND ALL WILL KNOW THE GLORY OF STUPID COMMENTS POSTED FOR NO GOOD REASON!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! ps- congrats nocturnal 010630 ... dB *pulls out replica sword from Blade, and does some fancy pants flippy shit and slices Black-dyed's head off* I declare martian... sorry, marshall law. any violent act will be met with SWIFT, and JUST action equal to or greater than the offence. We will maintain order here! Any lack of co-operation is punishable by death. Thankyouverymuch. 010630 ... black-dyed gel product ow, that really hurt ~~~picks up head, runs into wall, shoots a dog, and runs off~~~ 010630 ... Dafremen Ok well I'm back at Noc's house bandaging up my ankle(OUCH that f*CKING HURT BDGP!!!!!) As for Noc...I find her 11 year old schoolgirl crush reaction charming. Telling everyone how much she hates me. heheh iddnit cuuute?! (GEEZUS this ankle hurts...!) 010701 what's it to you? who go blather from