why_love_cannot_last cube There may be good reasons why divorse rates are higher than before - why love doesn't last. 1) The age we live in has time compressed. We see so much more now than those before us and believe it to be better than what we have now. 2) We are being conditioned to instant gratification. Lasting relationships require long term commitments. Long term is only sold by banks and insurance companies these days. 3) We are much more selfish than those before us (This is the world unfolding as expected). In part, we may thank that very thing which makes us modern - broad bandwidth... ³ 030204 ... no more deadbeats please I know so many people who's parents are divorced. It's so normal today, that our society has decided to accept divorce as a solution to an 'unperfect' marriage. My parents had rough times, fuck, all famiies go through shit. My mother left. She found herself. She came back. She loved us. It wasn't easy for her, but they worked it out. That's what you do in a marriage. So when I see people I care about go through a divorce in their families, it breaks my heart. Our society has become so accepting that we feel we have to erase ALL the taboos at once, in order to remain more politically correct. Creating acceptance to things that question our ethics as human beings, is not correct, politically or otherwise. While it's unquestionably wrong to place a stigma upon children from divorced families, we should surely hold tight the stigma once atached to deadbeat fathers and runaway mothers. We're trying to be better by socially allowing everyone to have so much freedom to do whatever they please when the mood strikes them, but we are forgetting, with wreckless abandon, we create an unhealthy, chaotic environment to raise the next generation of HUMAN BEINGS who are going to need to know how to survive as caring, responsible individuals in society. We can allow behavior to continue to preserve our rights and freedoms, but really folks, tell me when it's 'outta hand', what's protecting our values as loving parents and our integrity as human beings? What are the limits here? We can tell people not to steal, rape or murder, and that's about it. All the other sick, horrible and demeaningly evil things we can possibly do to leave another person traumatically scarred for the rest of his/her life is fair game? (to be PC here, I'm going to point out, by he, I really mean he/she) It's an outright LIE that when a parent leaves, it doesn't mean he doesn't care. That's exactly what it means! It's not a child's FAULT, but trust me, he doesn't care enough about you to try to get through this, otherwise he'd have stayed. Nothing should be more important that your children. NOTHING. Not some other woman, or some other man, or some other calling (btw, if you think you're gay NOW, don't marry him/her - really. No one 'turns' gay. You should know this by now if you're contemplating MARRIAGE) - you made a conscious decision to bring a child into this world with a person you love to SHARE that love with this new person. You can't just 'change your mind', this is a PERSON! You can't just say - 'whoa, this is too much responsibility for me - let's take this one to the pound. Me & this new chick I met are in love - you can keep the kid if you want it, but... I'm leaving.' Decent people don't do shit like this. They just don't! If you are that selfish now - get help. Otherwise, BEFORE you end up in this situation, really think about it. When my best friend's husband left her and their two young children, for another woman, to start another family, it boggled my mind that he would COMPLAIN about his every-other-weekend visits. They were too frequesnt. Like, he's got a new life now - can't be bothered with you people anymore. These two children who I care the whole world about are going to someday realise this and it's ging to break their souls. I see them more than he does, and I'm not even a blood relative. And I don't live anywhere near them, while their father lives in the same city. How can I watch my god-children be subjected to this kind of torture? "Daddy's coming, Daddy's coming!" No... he's not. But we'll deal woth that when it's blatently apparent to you, I guess. Her daughter is only one, so she probably won't know him that well, which in my opinion, leaves her better off, because he represents a shitty example of what a woman should accept from a man. Her son, however, will have a tantrum, but she wouldn't dream of punishing him. She can only let him throw his stuff for an hour or two, screaming and bawling, until he's exhausted enough to fall in her arms, crying so hard that he can barely breathe, until he falls asleep or makes himself throw up from choking back tears. She'd like to read him a story, and sing a song before she turns out the lights, but his blank little stare as he shakes and catches his breath by this time, shows he's spent every emotion he ever had, leaving him hurt, angry, sad, confused and afraid HE'S FOUR YEARS OLD! He falls asleep in a state no child should ever fall asleep in. It's the worst thing I've ever seen another person go through in my life. And he goes through this every two weeks! Children have all the same emotioins we do, but what's harder about it, is we can express ourselves, while they still haven't learned an outlet. He knows who his father is. He also knows his father doesn't give a fuck about him. Tell me this is ok? We don't have a problem with this? This four year old boy knows he's been rejected by someone who used to protect him. And he will never understand WHY until he does it to his own son, 20 years from now. That is not acceptable! How the hell can this child grow up to be a father who loves, cherishes, and protects his family with every fibre in him, if all he ever knew growing up was that 'dad left because he never gave a fuck about us'? Now, there are some families who can't fix things, and both parents work exceptionally hard to ensure their children are raised with love by BOTH parents. It's unfortunate there aren't enough of these to go around. It only works if he still lives near them. And most of the time, Dad moves away, or you follow Mom somewhere else. I commend the parents who remain friends in order to better their child's lives. This is what society meant to happen when we decided divorec was no longer a taboo. It did not mean to accept shitty-parent-syndrome, but somehow, it slipped through the cracks. Love never dies, and when it's real, you KNOW. People don't wait for love anymore, they 'play house' while they're young and fuck up people's lives. And they go into it knowing, 'it's ok. If it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce,' There should be no fucking question of it 'working out'. If you are asking yourself if it's the right thing to do, then it ISN'T. Check your head first! That's why the 'love' does not, and cannot last. 030301 ... Nikita so then basically relationships should be posed like business operations 040225 ... Lemon_Soda Love does die. As suredly as we do. We take it with us, or leave it behind. It waxes and wanes. Be strong. Know thyself, not the fuckhead you hate. the sooner you forget the quicker it will heal. and if you can forgive right before you forget, thats even better. 040225 ... pipedream well said, no more deadbeats....very well said. love lasts when you recognize it to be the real thing- not lust, not a strong infatuation, but love...everyone these days thinks a strong physical attraction and a certain amount of friendship is love. it isn't. and love can so so last as long as you're willing to keep investing yourself in the process, i think. i've never really been in a situation where i could give that particular theory a whirl, but i expect i will someday..and i don't see why it shouldn't last, if its the real thing. 040226 ... smurfus rex I think the thing about selfishness is big. To my mind, if both people can be selfless and truly considerate toward each other, then love has a chance. Friendships, relationships, marriages, etc. are like gardens. You have to tend to them with care and concern if you want them to flourish instead of die. 040226 ... Lemon_Soda Thank you, both of you. if there are two terms people think they know and use way to much its love and hate. 040226 ... .fallen love cannot last for the same reason that you CANNOT make love stay however love has been known to stay of it's own accord .... and there are times when you can feel love in everything and it whispers the word "timeless" to you 040226 ... mon everything is forever 040226 ... Syrope loneliness_is_an_absolute_realization 040226 ... Syrope love_is_an_absolute_discovery just kidding :) 040226 ... Syrope ooh ooh AND loneliness_is_an_absolute_discovery 040226 ... Syrope damnit :) 040226 ... Death of a Rose bad engineering, spend more money on R&D 040319 ... misstree "in love" cannot be made to stay, and in fact, rarely does. people squeeze the rose limp, and once the prince(ss) finds the prince(ss), that's not the end of the tale. there's still a lot of howling at the moon and laying roses on altars needed to keep "in love" as a household diety. love, real love, worshipful heartswelling love, that love is forever. i will always love every thing person concept and moment that i have ever loved. 040319 ... x HURT 040319 what's it to you? who go blather from