random_thoughts_on_a_thursday carne de metal shouldn't have eaten that much fish 020207 ... Mateo If I could only get back my Sunday 020207 ... ...ooo... i should've asked for a massage. ow, my neck. 020207 ... ...ooo... its useless now cause everyone's asleep 020207 ... Mateo The fone didint ring, and she said she´d call, I sent her an email sain how little I cared. I believed it at the time. I regret it now. 020207 ... Mateo The Phone didint ring, and she said she´d call, I sent her an email sain how little I cared. I believed it at the time. I regret it now. 020207 ... pralines&cream I'm gonna lose 10 pounds, oh yeah. 020207 ... daxle I like the band thursday 020207 ... Mateo I´m not gay, but if I coud make a clone of myselkf I´d fuck me. I´m just so damm handsome 020213 ... carne de metal what do you know, its thursday again. 020213 ... carne de metal and again, I've got stomach problems! 020213 ... Casey FUCKING POPS CONCERT!!!! 020213 ... ...ooo... my lord! it's really quite surprising. it IS thursday again and everyones asleep so no neck relief for me. 020213 ... unhinged why is that i had a stupid crush on him that i knew was going to amount to absolutely nothing and i was still crushed when i saw him with his exgirlfriend all talking and shit? 020214 ... Mahayana very last hours of darkness surrounded by dreams there i was ensnared within this cathedral & it caused this rebellious pandemonium, fractured marble fell... flames trailed... structures commenced to rumble ... entities had really curved hell'a'ciously ... all i had commit to memory were the stain glassed windows elevated and how the quiescent quarters were built in solitary bunks [you know imagine the assortment on trains ... minuscule and up soaring] right in frontage of the colored glass windows ...so there i was hiding absent ... from what who knows perhaps it was from what i didn’t desire them to perceive [end] [toDay im missing so many people][end] 020214 ... little wonder someone is playing horrible music in the computer lab. 020214 ... blown cherry unhinged, I can't answer you, but I know _exactly_ what you mean. It's a silly mechanism I fell into years ago and it still comes back and haunts me. 020214 ... blown cherry "One Thursday lunchtime the Earth gets unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass. For Arthur Dent, who has only just had his house demolished that morning, this seems already to be more than he can cope with. Sadly, however, the weekend had only just began, and the Galaxy is a very strange and startling place" -------------------------------------- " 'Alright,' said Ford. 'How would you react if I said tht I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelguese?' Arthur shrugged in a so-so sort of way. 'I don't know,' he said, taking a pull of beer. "'Why - do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say?' Ford gave up. It really wasn't worth bothering at the moment, what with the world being about to end. He just said: 'Drink up.' He added, perfectly factually: 'The world's about to end.' Arthur gave the rest of the pub another wan smile. The rest of the pub frowned at him. A man waved at him to stop smiling at them and mind his own business. 'This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.' " THHGTTG DNA in loving memory (I know it's supposed to be random thoughts ON a Thursday, not ABOUT a Thursday, but it's only been Friday for a couple of hours, and it still is in America, so it'll look like it's been posted on Thursday anyhow) 020214 ... Mateo Its not thursday but Im writing anyway, what are you going to do about it? 020222 ... yummyC itsalifewithoutregretiwantedtofeelthatwayforeverandeveriknowigetcoldcusicantleavethingswellalone,understandimaccidentprone. 020223 ... yummychuckle lucky me, its a thursday. i was about to write here saying "ha its not a thursday!"....but...it is.... so random thoughts? heres as straightforward as my writing gets: johnny is being a moron and thinking because I dont love him the way he wants me to love him, that hes a peice of shit. which he SO is not. and now hes going to fuck up his body before I get a chance to fuck up mine. It suddenly feels like a race. Im getting some fucking crack, and just some random amphetamines i'm thinking. well anyway, what do i do????? you know?! I cant lie to him anymore than he FEELS i already did! I let him know how i feel and i try and i try and i try and its not good enough because I cant save him and I cant help him and i cant even call him because my mom with her eyes wide open and glazed over told me to never call canada again. although she didnt ask questions. which i am afraid of. anyways I just feel helpless and worthless because I cant make him better. I guess its not my job to fix people, but i shouldnt be the source of pain for someone. i'm talking to skye online. hes awfully silly. some girl keeps teasing him saying he likes me and it made him ignore me for a month. but you know what? as much as maybe i should talk about these things in the same blathe: yes I like Logan an awful lot. I am allowed to have crushes. iamiamiamiam i am allowed to have a relationship that is physically possible (at least in summer). i cant just fucking wait 7 years until I can go wherever i want and have this fullblown relationship with johnny. these things arent possible. its not realistic. nothing is! AHHHH!!!! PLASTIC!!!!!!!! hypocrisy. My fucking hormones, u know? im 15. im 15 im 15, im sorry that i keep standing behind that, but everyone is older than me and acting like i should be at their level! I need some time. I'm trying to grow up and figure things out. its just too much. all these chemical imbalances and crap. I mean really! and maybe you 18 years olds and 21 year olds and 22 year olds and 24 year olds and 17 year olds know what love is or whatever bullshit name u want to give it is, but i dont. jesus fucking christ. i thought i knew, i mean i thought i didnt then i thought i was discovering it. but i guess not THAT love. and Logan isn't telling me all this "i love you" shit, because he is at least realistic. and if he likes me a lot he likes me a lot. i dont know. i mean, he manages to say that he cares and all that without drowning me. and i have MEMORIES of him. and everything is ten times more real with logan. so that might explain. i dont know what though. just random thoughts on a thursday bye. 020301 ... yummyC ah yes, blowncherry. hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. that book kicks ass. ah bowls of petunias *giggle* 020301 ... unhinged i'm glad i found this place...it's beautiful up here. i'm glad i'm sitting up here with you smoking in your car; it was so painful for me when we were fighting. i'm glad that even though it took us a year, we are friends again. i need a friend right now. when i think about her, i realize my heart is tiny again. everyday is a new realization; another step away from here. but for now, i'm still stuck here and it still hurts. 020301 ... Mateo Why is there a dead polieceman on my livingroom floor? 020301 ... yummyC its not a thursday. 020302 ... blown cherry *giggles hysterically with yummyC* 020303 ... blown cherry on a Monday what's more! 020303 ... sweetheart of the song tra bong "And what we do all do on Thursday?" "On Thursday we all have *fabulous* sex in a British accent!" 020304 ... unhinged i got stung on the forehead by a bee in my sleep today. i have no idea how a bee got in my bed. bugs anger me. i guess i will never be a good buddhist. i am going home tomorrow to my arielle, my brother, my cat...*sigh* i don't want to live another second here. 020307 ... no reason i wish the point between my nasal passage and my throat didn't hurt so much. 020307 what's it to you? who go blather from