never_give_out_your_password_or_credit_card_number Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge Never [give] out your password or credit card number [in an instant] message conversation. yes, [honey] i am listening to you, paying utmost attention to [you and only you] and your words and [remain]ing silent- ever so silent- [so] as to not disturb your [flow] of thoughts [i hear] you and ... since I hear you this is the [advice] [i] have to [offer] you, as it has been [many] a [things] i [myself] have been [questioning and pondering] ... esp in relation to connections with others attachment, jealousy, ... she says: what r u thinking? ...some [emotions] are realistic and constructive- others [are] not ... thus some are to be [cultivated] whilst on the path- [while] others [abandoned] i am learning i am to counteract negative [emotions] such as anger, and pride. [i am learning] I need to cultivate positive emotions such as love and [compassion] love is the wish [for] all others to have happiness and its causes and [compassion] is the wish for them [to be free] of all unsatisfactory conditions and their causes. she says: sass....[i've lost u] such kinds of [love] are to be extended to all beings- [not just] those [whom i love], and it shall be noted that their are many step by step methods & actions for developing them- [this is what i seek] and shall focus on... perhaps you can [seek this as well] ... she says: sass....i've lost u let me explain .. [fear] is closely related to [attachment] the more attached we are [to someone] or something, the more [we fear] not having it or [being separated] from it. for example... if were very attached to and [emotionally] dependent on a [particular] person (such as [I have] reflected I have been with [regards] [towards someone], esp lately), we fear the relationship will end. on one hand [it is] normal to have s[u]ch concerns for we've been raised to be attached to these things. on the other hand, clinging makes [u]s fearful and anxious. the sol[u]tions aren't however to abandon our friends, [love]s, higher connections ... nor money, nor reputations but rather to [let go] of the attachment to them. then [I can] enjoy them free from fear- this is what I have noticed is my lesson.... to let go-to [learn- to love you] and all in a more [pure & perfect] way [without] attachment nor [fears]. perhaps this is a way for you to think of and view your relations with ...... just last night i had realized all of this myself ... and that i have decided lastnight while meditating that further meditations on impermanence and seeing the transient fluid nature of things helps myself let go of attachment and thusly enables I to set my own priorities wisely. she says sass do u have a thing 4 me??? i had been imagining getting all the things i am attached to and than asking myself, "now am i forever happy?" if i can remember & reflect upon this very notion than I shall enable myself to stop obsessing about the things and people i am attached to. as I let go of the attachment, my fears of not having or of losing these objects of attachment shall dissipate. does this make sense? i see this.... she says: i still dont get it sass...... what should i do with ...??? b patient but then i'll get hurt tell her to make a decision ?? what if i push for the wrong answer when it coulda been the right one? in relation to you when you speak of ....that perhaps when you are in connections with others ... as when i am .. that you may think .. feel and fear as i do .. and this is why i share what i thought with you of lastnight .. perhaps than you will ... see what i see dont push at all ... she says: sass....i still dont know what to do? never push ... she says: dont worry i dont by abandoning negative actions, such as hurting others, and destructive motivations, such as: anger, attachment, and closed-mindedness, i shall stop harming myself and others. by creating perfect virtue, i can develop beneficial attitudes, such as: equanimity, love, compassion, and joy, act constructively. by subduing my mind and understanding reality, i can leave behind all false projections, thus she says: but fuck i need to know, like my heart is on the line, and it cant b broken again making myself calm and peaceful. ..... make yourself calm and peaceful and as far as do i have a *thing* for you, i can not answer that question nor justify it with a proper answer ... what is a *thing* anyhow ... I do not think i even comprehend how to have a *thing* for others ... make sense or no? she says: sass fuck yes ...... she says: just tell me u know what i mean just listen to this azizti .. she says: fuck wait just a yes or no its that simple three basic disturbing attitudes- ignorance, attachment, and anger gives rise to a host of other ones, such as:jealousy, pride, and resentment these attitudes than motivate us to speak-act- or think such actions leaves imprints on our mindstreams, and these imprints then influence what we will experience in the future... she says: sass.... the root cause of my cyclic existence is ignorance, i do not understand who i am, how i exist or how other phenomena exist. there for .. she says: your not making sense.. and dont try and explain it, just talk to me, and tell me the truth how can I have a simple answer ... about you when I do not even know of my ownself ...azizti ... even if i was able to provide you an answer ... she says: your giving me a poetic lecture i am asking you what u feel because i need to know what would it accomplish by telling you the answer ... she says: well its that easy yes or no just tell me you are my friend and no matter the answer youd still remian my friend .. right .. so why the need to know? she says: i need to know tell me i wish i could just tell you ... but i cant .. i dont have all the answers yet honey .. the contextualization isnt here, so what am i to show you .. if i can not see or allow myself to see ..if i can not see the charcoal drawing myself clearly what am I to share and show you ? she says: look when your ready to talk to me properally leh me know do i have love for you ... yes? do i have a connection with you ... I feel that i do .. do i feel more for you than a friend .. yes i do .. i always do with those i am close to.. for i have only ever been close to so few do i have a thing for you .. no .. what does that mean anyhow .. i havent had a *thing* for anybody ... but would i spare my life for you yes .. would i enjoy to make you happy on any level yes ..would i revel in pure bliss being able to spoil you .. yes, would i ...do i .. desire to show you the kind of love you so desperately desire yes ...and why ... i do not know why ..its all rathering confussing to me you see .. so what am i supposed to say she says: so basically the answer is yes? these things i can not say to you when you are asking me of advice about ...... how very self centered and rude that would be to give you any of these answers there would be no basics in any answer to you or of you ... it would never be basically nor *just* a yes she says: ok ok fuck what? why did you have to know azizti, it may only cause you extra stress, and i do not want that for you- for you to worry about how i feel for you or not it doesnt matter anyhow, even if i did have feelings for you ... you are focused and committed to ........ and that is a beautiful way to be ... I just pray that she has the sense to realize the all of you that i seem to have seen in such a short amount of time what did you say fuck .....? what is on your mind?id love to know what is prancing through your mind ... what is in your heart? i have given you my all, my 110% and now it is time for you to sing.... sing about what moves you within ... what stirrs you in these moments of here and now ... i appologize my ways of expressing myself to you seem to have failed me in someway ..how can i give a simple yes or no answer ... when in my eyes you are not *simply* just anything ... a simple yes would defile and deminiate anything and everything i feel .. demuring the very essence of how i feel when i read your lexus ... she says: ok sass enough please fuck ] and yet you have grown furstrated with my way of communicating ... and you do not see it as ...proper talk .. i am sorry ill stop she says: i'm sick of people telling how wonderful i am and seem to treat me like fucken shit...so i guess i treat you like shit? this i did not know she says: i'm not that wonderful sass, i'm an asshole and maybe u should realise that and jump on the bandwagon like every-1 else no u dont thats what i'm saying maybe i do not see what everyone else only wants to see you are wonderful in all your flaws .. and that is what truly makes you beautiful .. she says: find someone that is beaustiful and amazingley gr8 well shit sass i dont know why does every-1 else seem to wipe their filthy feet on my hair? that is what makes you real .. i do not want to know someone only beautiful and amazingly great ... i want to know someone real ... i do not know why everyones else does as well ... she says: maybe because i dont belong sass perhaps they are jealous of your beauty and truth and realness that when they see you ... they have animosty and wish to dirty you .. and your hair ..: but it is only your hair they taint .. not your soul .. and you are not ... she says: maybe because i'm a different breed of human, and humans dont like other kinds...and thats why they shit on me an asshole .. she says: my voice hurts, its been so silent.... it may not matter but i too am tired of hearing how i am the only one that has ever been so close to them and than .. yet i am never good enough to love other than as a close friend ... too many fear loosing me ... that somehow along the paths i feel lost anyhow ... i too am tired of being told how important i am to others ... yet ... they do not show me it in words or deeds .. so i may not know exactly how you feel treated by others ... but if this is all i want you to know than ... please know it .. but it is not you .. it is them ... its a reflection of their own selves not an image of you your voice shall heal .. and it is only silent to those whom do not care nor whom simply do not listen she says: i just want to run in the middle of Oz, in a wild horses pattock and sing my lungs and all the back out.... is it on the surface ... no .. your view goes much deeper and only those willing to scratch beneath the surface to see and know you .. the real you .. shall revel in the musicality of the sounds of angel wings ... that is your voice she says: sass i have to go... i havent ate anything in 2 days and i feel like i'm going to drop... walk in peace and love ... you will be in my prayers and well wishings she says: me 2 sassafrass... might come back on later but i have to go to the doctor first so i might b a couple of hours my deepest respect and gratitude are offered eternally to love, life, compassion and to you... i always want to call ... even if it is not on the phone lines be well sunshine she says: thanks sass u 2 hun mwaahhh xoxox xoxoxo i shall try she says: xoxoxo *always smile and laugh 4 me ok???* but dont ever insult me by faking it, do it because it's u, because its me.... bye xxx 011105 ... Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge Never [give] out your password or credit card number [in an instant] message conversation. yes, [honey] i am listening to you, paying utmost attention to [you and only you] and your words and [remain]ing silent- ever so silent- [so] as to not disturb your [flow] of thoughts [i hear] you and ... since I hear you this is the [advice] [i] have to [offer] you, as it has been [many] a [things] i [myself] have been [questioning and pondering] ... esp in relation to connections with others attachment, jealousy, ... she says: what r u thinking? ...some [emotions] are realistic and constructive- others [are] not ... thus some are to be [cultivated] whilst on the path- [while] others [abandoned] i am learning i am to counteract negative [emotions] such as anger, and pride. [i am learning] I need to cultivate positive emotions such as love and [compassion] love is the wish [for] all others to have happiness and its causes and [compassion] is the wish for them [to be free] of all unsatisfactory conditions and their causes. she says: sass....[i've lost u] such kinds of [love] are to be extended to all beings- [not just] those [whom i love], and it shall be noted that their are many step by step methods & actions for developing them- [this is what i seek] and shall focus on... perhaps you can [seek this as well] ... she says: sass....i've lost u let me explain .. [fear] is closely related to [attachment] the more attached we are [to someone] or something, the more [we fear] not having it or [being separated] from it. for example... if were very attached to and [emotionally] dependent on a [particular] person (such as [I have] reflected I have been with [regards] [towards someone], esp lately), we fear the relationship will end. on one hand [it is] normal to have s[u]ch concerns for we've been raised to be attached to these things. on the other hand, clinging makes [u]s fearful and anxious. the sol[u]tions aren't however to abandon our friends, [love]s, higher connections ... nor money, nor reputations but rather to [let go] of the attachment to them. then [I can] enjoy them free from fear- this is what I have noticed is my lesson.... to let go-to [learn- to love you] and all in a more [pure & perfect] way [without] attachment nor [fears]. perhaps this is a way for you to think of and view your relations with ...... just last night i had realized all of this myself ... and that i have decided lastnight while meditating that further meditations on impermanence and seeing the transient fluid nature of things helps myself let go of attachment and thusly enables I to set my own priorities wisely. she says sass do u have a thing 4 me??? i had been imagining getting all the things i am attached to and than asking myself, "now am i forever happy?" if i can remember & reflect upon this very notion than I shall enable myself to stop obsessing about the things and people i am attached to. as I let go of the attachment, my fears of not having or of losing these objects of attachment shall dissipate. does this make sense? i see this.... she says: i still dont get it sass...... what should i do with ...??? b patient but then i'll get hurt tell her to make a decision ?? what if i push for the wrong answer when it coulda been the right one? in relation to you when you speak of ....that perhaps when you are in connections with others ... as when i am .. that you may think .. feel and fear as i do .. and this is why i share what i thought with you of lastnight .. perhaps than you will ... see what i see dont push at all ... she says: sass....i still dont know what to do? never push ... she says: dont worry i dont by abandoning negative actions, such as hurting others, and destructive motivations, such as: anger, attachment, and closed-mindedness, i shall stop harming myself and others. by creating perfect virtue, i can develop beneficial attitudes, such as: equanimity, love, compassion, and joy, act constructively. by subduing my mind and understanding reality, i can leave behind all false projections, thus she says: but fuck i need to know, like my heart is on the line, and it cant b broken again making myself calm and peaceful. ..... make yourself calm and peaceful and as far as do i have a *thing* for you, i can not answer that question nor justify it with a proper answer ... what is a *thing* anyhow ... I do not think i even comprehend how to have a *thing* for others ... make sense or no? she says: sass fuck yes ...... she says: just tell me u know what i mean just listen to this azizti .. she says: fuck wait just a yes or no its that simple three basic disturbing attitudes- ignorance, attachment, and anger gives rise to a host of other ones, such as:jealousy, pride, and resentment these attitudes than motivate us to speak-act- or think such actions leaves imprints on our mindstreams, and these imprints then influence what we will experience in the future... she says: sass.... the root cause of my cyclic existence is ignorance, i do not understand who i am, how i exist or how other phenomena exist. there for .. she says: your not making sense.. and dont try and explain it, just talk to me, and tell me the truth how can I have a simple answer ... about you when I do not even know of my ownself ...azizti ... even if i was able to provide you an answer ... she says: your giving me a poetic lecture i am asking you what u feel because i need to know what would it accomplish by telling you the answer ... she says: well its that easy yes or no just tell me you are my friend and no matter the answer youd still remian my friend .. right .. so why the need to know? she says: i need to know tell me i wish i could just tell you ... but i cant .. i dont have all the answers yet honey .. the contextualization isnt here, so what am i to show you .. if i can not see or allow myself to see ..if i can not see the charcoal drawing myself clearly what am I to share and show you ? she says: look when your ready to talk to me properally leh me know do i have love for you ... yes? do i have a connection with you ... I feel that i do .. do i feel more for you than a friend .. yes i do .. i always do with those i am close to.. for i have only ever been close to so few do i have a thing for you .. no .. what does that mean anyhow .. i havent had a *thing* for anybody ... but would i spare my life for you yes .. would i enjoy to make you happy on any level yes ..would i revel in pure bliss being able to spoil you .. yes, would i ...do i .. desire to show you the kind of love you so desperately desire yes ...and why ... i do not know why ..its all rathering confussing to me you see .. so what am i supposed to say she says: so basically the answer is yes? these things i can not say to you when you are asking me of advice about ...... how very self centered and rude that would be to give you any of these answers there would be no basics in any answer to you or of you ... it would never be basically nor *just* a yes she says: ok ok fuck what? why did you have to know azizti, it may only cause you extra stress, and i do not want that for you- for you to worry about how i feel for you or not it doesnt matter anyhow, even if i did have feelings for you ... you are focused and committed to ........ and that is a beautiful way to be ... I just pray that she has the sense to realize the all of you that i seem to have seen in such a short amount of time what did you say fuck .....? what is on your mind?id love to know what is prancing through your mind ... what is in your heart? i have given you my all, my 110% and now it is time for you to sing.... sing about what moves you within ... what stirrs you in these moments of here and now ... i appologize my ways of expressing myself to you seem to have failed me in someway ..how can i give a simple yes or no answer ... when in my eyes you are not *simply* just anything ... a simple yes would defile and deminiate anything and everything i feel .. demuring the very essence of how i feel when i read your lexus ... she says: ok sass enough please fuck ] and yet you have grown furstrated with my way of communicating ... and you do not see it as ...proper talk .. i am sorry ill stop she says: i'm sick of people telling how wonderful i am and seem to treat me like fucken shit...so i guess i treat you like shit? this i did not know she says: i'm not that wonderful sass, i'm an asshole and maybe u should realise that and jump on the bandwagon like every-1 else no u dont thats what i'm saying maybe i do not see what everyone else only wants to see you are wonderful in all your flaws .. and that is what truly makes you beautiful .. she says: find someone that is beaustiful and amazingley gr8 well shit sass i dont know why does every-1 else seem to wipe their filthy feet on my hair? that is what makes you real .. i do not want to know someone only beautiful and amazingly great ... i want to know someone real ... i do not know why everyones else does as well ... she says: maybe because i dont belong sass perhaps they are jealous of your beauty and truth and realness that when they see you ... they have animosty and wish to dirty you .. and your hair ..: but it is only your hair they taint .. not your soul .. and you are not ... she says: maybe because i'm a different breed of human, and humans dont like other kinds...and thats why they shit on me an asshole .. she says: my voice hurts, its been so silent.... it may not matter but i too am tired of hearing how i am the only one that has ever been so close to them and than .. yet i am never good enough to love other than as a close friend ... too many fear loosing me ... that somehow along the paths i feel lost anyhow ... i too am tired of being told how important i am to others ... yet ... they do not show me it in words or deeds .. so i may not know exactly how you feel treated by others ... but if this is all i want you to know than ... please know it .. but it is not you .. it is them ... its a reflection of their own selves not an image of you your voice shall heal .. and it is only silent to those whom do not care nor whom simply do not listen she says: i just want to run in the middle of Oz, in a wild horses pattock and sing my lungs and all the back out.... is it on the surface ... no .. your view goes much deeper and only those willing to scratch beneath the surface to see and know you .. the real you .. shall revel in the musicality of the sounds of angel wings ... that is your voice she says: sass i have to go... i havent ate anything in 2 days and i feel like i'm going to drop... walk in peace and love ... you will be in my prayers and well wishings she says: me 2 sassafrass... might come back on later but i have to go to the doctor first so i might b a couple of hours my deepest respect and gratitude are offered eternally to love, life, compassion and to you... i always want to call ... even if it is not on the phone lines be well sunshine she says: thanks sass u 2 hun mwaahhh xoxox xoxoxo i shall try she says: xoxoxo *always smile and laugh 4 me ok???* but dont ever insult me by faking it, do it because it's u, because its me.... bye xxx 011105 ... Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge Never [give] out your password or credit card number [in an instant] message conversation. yes, [honey] i am listening to you, paying utmost attention to [you and only you] and your words and [remain]ing silent- ever so silent- [so] as to not disturb your [flow] of thoughts [i hear] you and ... since I hear you this is the [advice] [i] have to [offer] you, as it has been [many] a [things] i [myself] have been [questioning and pondering] ... esp in relation to connections with others attachment, jealousy, ... she says: what r u thinking? ...some [emotions] are realistic and constructive- others [are] not ... thus some are to be [cultivated] whilst on the path- [while] others [abandoned] i am learning i am to counteract negative [emotions] such as anger, and pride. [i am learning] I need to cultivate positive emotions such as love and [compassion] love is the wish [for] all others to have happiness and its causes and [compassion] is the wish for them [to be free] of all unsatisfactory conditions and their causes. she says: sass....[i've lost u] such kinds of [love] are to be extended to all beings- [not just] those [whom i love], and it shall be noted that their are many step by step methods & actions for developing them- [this is what i seek] and shall focus on... perhaps you can [seek this as well] ... she says: sass....i've lost u let me explain .. [fear] is closely related to [attachment] the more attached we are [to someone] or something, the more [we fear] not having it or [being separated] from it. for example... if were very attached to and [emotionally] dependent on a [particular] person (such as [I have] reflected I have been with [regards] [towards someone], esp lately), we fear the relationship will end. on one hand [it is] normal to have s[u]ch concerns for we've been raised to be attached to these things. on the other hand, clinging makes [u]s fearful and anxious. the sol[u]tions aren't however to abandon our friends, [love]s, higher connections ... nor money, nor reputations but rather to [let go] of the attachment to them. then [I can] enjoy them free from fear- this is what I have noticed is my lesson.... to let go-to [learn- to love you] and all in a more [pure & perfect] way [without] attachment nor [fears]. perhaps this is a way for you to think of and view your relations with ...... just last night i had realized all of this myself ... and that i have decided lastnight while meditating that further meditations on impermanence and seeing the transient fluid nature of things helps myself let go of attachment and thusly enables I to set my own priorities wisely. she says sass do u have a thing 4 me??? i had been imagining getting all the things i am attached to and than asking myself, "now am i forever happy?" if i can remember & reflect upon this very notion than I shall enable myself to stop obsessing about the things and people i am attached to. as I let go of the attachment, my fears of not having or of losing these objects of attachment shall dissipate. does this make sense? i see this.... she says: i still dont get it sass...... what should i do with ...??? b patient but then i'll get hurt tell her to make a decision ?? what if i push for the wrong answer when it coulda been the right one? in relation to you when you speak of ....that perhaps when you are in connections with others ... as when i am .. that you may think .. feel and fear as i do .. and this is why i share what i thought with you of lastnight .. perhaps than you will ... see what i see dont push at all ... she says: sass....i still dont know what to do? never push ... she says: dont worry i dont by abandoning negative actions, such as hurting others, and destructive motivations, such as: anger, attachment, and closed-mindedness, i shall stop harming myself and others. by creating perfect virtue, i can develop beneficial attitudes, such as: equanimity, love, compassion, and joy, act constructively. by subduing my mind and understanding reality, i can leave behind all false projections, thus she says: but fuck i need to know, like my heart is on the line, and it cant b broken again making myself calm and peaceful. ..... make yourself calm and peaceful and as far as do i have a *thing* for you, i can not answer that question nor justify it with a proper answer ... what is a *thing* anyhow ... I do not think i even comprehend how to have a *thing* for others ... make sense or no? she says: sass fuck yes ...... she says: just tell me u know what i mean just listen to this azizti .. she says: fuck wait just a yes or no its that simple three basic disturbing attitudes- ignorance, attachment, and anger gives rise to a host of other ones, such as:jealousy, pride, and resentment these attitudes than motivate us to speak-act- or think such actions leaves imprints on our mindstreams, and these imprints then influence what we will experience in the future... she says: sass.... the root cause of my cyclic existence is ignorance, i do not understand who i am, how i exist or how other phenomena exist. there for .. she says: your not making sense.. and dont try and explain it, just talk to me, and tell me the truth how can I have a simple answer ... about you when I do not even know of my ownself ...azizti ... even if i was able to provide you an answer ... she says: your giving me a poetic lecture i am asking you what u feel because i need to know what would it accomplish by telling you the answer ... she says: well its that easy yes or no just tell me you are my friend and no matter the answer youd still remian my friend .. right .. so why the need to know? she says: i need to know tell me i wish i could just tell you ... but i cant .. i dont have all the answers yet honey .. the contextualization isnt here, so what am i to show you .. if i can not see or allow myself to see ..if i can not see the charcoal drawing myself clearly what am I to share and show you ? she says: look when your ready to talk to me properally leh me know do i have love for you ... yes? do i have a connection with you ... I feel that i do .. do i feel more for you than a friend .. yes i do .. i always do with those i am close to.. for i have only ever been close to so few do i have a thing for you .. no .. what does that mean anyhow .. i havent had a *thing* for anybody ... but would i spare my life for you yes .. would i enjoy to make you happy on any level yes ..would i revel in pure bliss being able to spoil you .. yes, would i ...do i .. desire to show you the kind of love you so desperately desire yes ...and why ... i do not know why ..its all rathering confussing to me you see .. so what am i supposed to say she says: so basically the answer is yes? these things i can not say to you when you are asking me of advice about ...... how very self centered and rude that would be to give you any of these answers there would be no basics in any answer to you or of you ... it would never be basically nor *just* a yes she says: ok ok fuck what? why did you have to know azizti, it may only cause you extra stress, and i do not want that for you- for you to worry about how i feel for you or not it doesnt matter anyhow, even if i did have feelings for you ... you are focused and committed to ........ and that is a beautiful way to be ... I just pray that she has the sense to realize the all of you that i seem to have seen in such a short amount of time what did you say fuck .....? what is on your mind?id love to know what is prancing through your mind ... what is in your heart? i have given you my all, my 110% and now it is time for you to sing.... sing about what moves you within ... what stirrs you in these moments of here and now ... i appologize my ways of expressing myself to you seem to have failed me in someway ..how can i give a simple yes or no answer ... when in my eyes you are not *simply* just anything ... a simple yes would defile and deminiate anything and everything i feel .. demuring the very essence of how i feel when i read your lexus ... she says: ok sass enough please fuck ] and yet you have grown furstrated with my way of communicating ... and you do not see it as ...proper talk .. i am sorry ill stop she says: i'm sick of people telling how wonderful i am and seem to treat me like fucken shit...so i guess i treat you like shit? this i did not know she says: i'm not that wonderful sass, i'm an asshole and maybe u should realise that and jump on the bandwagon like every-1 else no u dont thats what i'm saying maybe i do not see what everyone else only wants to see you are wonderful in all your flaws .. and that is what truly makes you beautiful .. she says: find someone that is beaustiful and amazingley gr8 well shit sass i dont know why does every-1 else seem to wipe their filthy feet on my hair? that is what makes you real .. i do not want to know someone only beautiful and amazingly great ... i want to know someone real ... i do not know why everyones else does as well ... she says: maybe because i dont belong sass perhaps they are jealous of your beauty and truth and realness that when they see you ... they have animosty and wish to dirty you .. and your hair ..: but it is only your hair they taint .. not your soul .. and you are not ... she says: maybe because i'm a different breed of human, and humans dont like other kinds...and thats why they shit on me an asshole .. she says: my voice hurts, its been so silent.... it may not matter but i too am tired of hearing how i am the only one that has ever been so close to them and than .. yet i am never good enough to love other than as a close friend ... too many fear loosing me ... that somehow along the paths i feel lost anyhow ... i too am tired of being told how important i am to others ... yet ... they do not show me it in words or deeds .. so i may not know exactly how you feel treated by others ... but if this is all i want you to know than ... please know it .. but it is not you .. it is them ... its a reflection of their own selves not an image of you your voice shall heal .. and it is only silent to those whom do not care nor whom simply do not listen she says: i just want to run in the middle of Oz, in a wild horses pattock and sing my lungs and all the back out.... is it on the surface ... no .. your view goes much deeper and only those willing to scratch beneath the surface to see and know you .. the real you .. shall revel in the musicality of the sounds of angel wings ... that is your voice she says: sass i have to go... i havent ate anything in 2 days and i feel like i'm going to drop... walk in peace and love ... you will be in my prayers and well wishings she says: me 2 sassafrass... might come back on later but i have to go to the doctor first so i might b a couple of hours my deepest respect and gratitude are offered eternally to love, life, compassion and to you... i always want to call ... even if it is not on the phone lines be well sunshine she says: thanks sass u 2 hun mwaahhh xoxox xoxoxo i shall try she says: xoxoxo *always smile and laugh 4 me ok???* but dont ever insult me by faking it, do it because it's u, because its me.... bye xxx 011105 ... Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge Never [give] out your password or credit card number [in an instant] message conversation. yes, [honey] i am listening to you, paying utmost attention to [you and only you] and your words and [remain]ing silent- ever so silent- [so] as to not disturb your [flow] of thoughts [i hear] you and ... since I hear you this is the [advice] [i] have to [offer] you, as it has been [many] a [things] i [myself] have been [questioning and pondering] ... esp in relation to connections with others attachment, jealousy, ... she says: what r u thinking? ...some [emotions] are realistic and constructive- others [are] not ... thus some are to be [cultivated] whilst on the path- [while] others [abandoned] i am learning i am to counteract negative [emotions] such as anger, and pride. [i am learning] I need to cultivate positive emotions such as love and [compassion] love is the wish [for] all others to have happiness and its causes and [compassion] is the wish for them [to be free] of all unsatisfactory conditions and their causes. she says: sass....[i've lost u] such kinds of [love] are to be extended to all beings- [not just] those [whom i love], and it shall be noted that their are many step by step methods & actions for developing them- [this is what i seek] and shall focus on... perhaps you can [seek this as well] ... she says: sass....i've lost u let me explain .. [fear] is closely related to [attachment] the more attached we are [to someone] or something, the more [we fear] not having it or [being separated] from it. for example... if were very attached to and [emotionally] dependent on a [particular] person (such as [I have] reflected I have been with [regards] [towards someone], esp lately), we fear the relationship will end. on one hand [it is] normal to have s[u]ch concerns for we've been raised to be attached to these things. on the other hand, clinging makes [u]s fearful and anxious. the sol[u]tions aren't however to abandon our friends, [love]s, higher connections ... nor money, nor reputations but rather to [let go] of the attachment to them. then [I can] enjoy them free from fear- this is what I have noticed is my lesson.... to let go-to [learn- to love you] and all in a more [pure & perfect] way [without] attachment nor [fears]. perhaps this is a way for you to think of and view your relations with ...... just last night i had realized all of this myself ... and that i have decided lastnight while meditating that further meditations on impermanence and seeing the transient fluid nature of things helps myself let go of attachment and thusly enables I to set my own priorities wisely. she says sass do u have a thing 4 me??? i had been imagining getting all the things i am attached to and than asking myself, "now am i forever happy?" if i can remember & reflect upon this very notion than I shall enable myself to stop obsessing about the things and people i am attached to. as I let go of the attachment, my fears of not having or of losing these objects of attachment shall dissipate. does this make sense? i see this.... she says: i still dont get it sass...... what should i do with ...??? b patient but then i'll get hurt tell her to make a decision ?? what if i push for the wrong answer when it coulda been the right one? in relation to you when you speak of ....that perhaps when you are in connections with others ... as when i am .. that you may think .. feel and fear as i do .. and this is why i share what i thought with you of lastnight .. perhaps than you will ... see what i see dont push at all ... she says: sass....i still dont know what to do? never push ... she says: dont worry i dont by abandoning negative actions, such as hurting others, and destructive motivations, such as: anger, attachment, and closed-mindedness, i shall stop harming myself and others. by creating perfect virtue, i can develop beneficial attitudes, such as: equanimity, love, compassion, and joy, act constructively. by subduing my mind and understanding reality, i can leave behind all false projections, thus she says: but fuck i need to know, like my heart is on the line, and it cant b broken again making myself calm and peaceful. ..... make yourself calm and peaceful and as far as do i have a *thing* for you, i can not answer that question nor justify it with a proper answer ... what is a *thing* anyhow ... I do not think i even comprehend how to have a *thing* for others ... make sense or no? she says: sass fuck yes ...... she says: just tell me u know what i mean just listen to this azizti .. she says: fuck wait just a yes or no its that simple three basic disturbing attitudes- ignorance, attachment, and anger gives rise to a host of other ones, such as:jealousy, pride, and resentment these attitudes than motivate us to speak-act- or think such actions leaves imprints on our mindstreams, and these imprints then influence what we will experience in the future... she says: sass.... the root cause of my cyclic existence is ignorance, i do not understand who i am, how i exist or how other phenomena exist. there for .. she says: your not making sense.. and dont try and explain it, just talk to me, and tell me the truth how can I have a simple answer ... about you when I do not even know of my ownself ...azizti ... even if i was able to provide you an answer ... she says: your giving me a poetic lecture i am asking you what u feel because i need to know what would it accomplish by telling you the answer ... she says: well its that easy yes or no just tell me you are my friend and no matter the answer youd still remian my friend .. right .. so why the need to know? she says: i need to know tell me i wish i could just tell you ... but i cant .. i dont have all the answers yet honey .. the contextualization isnt here, so what am i to show you .. if i can not see or allow myself to see ..if i can not see the charcoal drawing myself clearly what am I to share and show you ? she says: look when your ready to talk to me properally leh me know do i have love for you ... yes? do i have a connection with you ... I feel that i do .. do i feel more for you than a friend .. yes i do .. i always do with those i am close to.. for i have only ever been close to so few do i have a thing for you .. no .. what does that mean anyhow .. i havent had a *thing* for anybody ... but would i spare my life for you yes .. would i enjoy to make you happy on any level yes ..would i revel in pure bliss being able to spoil you .. yes, would i ...do i .. desire to show you the kind of love you so desperately desire yes ...and why ... i do not know why ..its all rathering confussing to me you see .. so what am i supposed to say she says: so basically the answer is yes? these things i can not say to you when you are asking me of advice about ...... how very self centered and rude that would be to give you any of these answers there would be no basics in any answer to you or of you ... it would never be basically nor *just* a yes she says: ok ok fuck what? why did you have to know azizti, it may only cause you extra stress, and i do not want that for you- for you to worry about how i feel for you or not it doesnt matter anyhow, even if i did have feelings for you ... you are focused and committed to ........ and that is a beautiful way to be ... I just pray that she has the sense to realize the all of you that i seem to have seen in such a short amount of time what did you say fuck .....? what is on your mind?id love to know what is prancing through your mind ... what is in your heart? i have given you my all, my 110% and now it is time for you to sing.... sing about what moves you within ... what stirrs you in these moments of here and now ... i appologize my ways of expressing myself to you seem to have failed me in someway ..how can i give a simple yes or no answer ... when in my eyes you are not *simply* just anything ... a simple yes would defile and deminiate anything and everything i feel .. demuring the very essence of how i feel when i read your lexus ... she says: ok sass enough please fuck ] and yet you have grown furstrated with my way of communicating ... and you do not see it as ...proper talk .. i am sorry ill stop she says: i'm sick of people telling how wonderful i am and seem to treat me like fucken shit...so i guess i treat you like shit? this i did not know she says: i'm not that wonderful sass, i'm an asshole and maybe u should realise that and jump on the bandwagon like every-1 else no u dont thats what i'm saying maybe i do not see what everyone else only wants to see you are wonderful in all your flaws .. and that is what truly makes you beautiful .. she says: find someone that is beaustiful and amazingley gr8 well shit sass i dont know why does every-1 else seem to wipe their filthy feet on my hair? that is what makes you real .. i do not want to know someone only beautiful and amazingly great ... i want to know someone real ... i do not know why everyones else does as well ... she says: maybe because i dont belong sass perhaps they are jealous of your beauty and truth and realness that when they see you ... they have animosty and wish to dirty you .. and your hair ..: but it is only your hair they taint .. not your soul .. and you are not ... she says: maybe because i'm a different breed of human, and humans dont like other kinds...and thats why they shit on me an asshole .. she says: my voice hurts, its been so silent.... it may not matter but i too am tired of hearing how i am the only one that has ever been so close to them and than .. yet i am never good enough to love other than as a close friend ... too many fear loosing me ... that somehow along the paths i feel lost anyhow ... i too am tired of being told how important i am to others ... yet ... they do not show me it in words or deeds .. so i may not know exactly how you feel treated by others ... but if this is all i want you to know than ... please know it .. but it is not you .. it is them ... its a reflection of their own selves not an image of you your voice shall heal .. and it is only silent to those whom do not care nor whom simply do not listen she says: i just want to run in the middle of Oz, in a wild horses pattock and sing my lungs and all the back out.... is it on the surface ... no .. your view goes much deeper and only those willing to scratch beneath the surface to see and know you .. the real you .. shall revel in the musicality of the sounds of angel wings ... that is your voice she says: sass i have to go... i havent ate anything in 2 days and i feel like i'm going to drop... walk in peace and love ... you will be in my prayers and well wishings she says: me 2 sassafrass... might come back on later but i have to go to the doctor first so i might b a couple of hours my deepest respect and gratitude are offered eternally to love, life, compassion and to you... i always want to call ... even if it is not on the phone lines be well sunshine she says: thanks sass u 2 hun mwaahhh xoxox xoxoxo i shall try she says: xoxoxo *always smile and laugh 4 me ok???* but dont ever insult me by faking it, do it because it's u, because its me.... bye xxx 011105 ... Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge [excuse quad deja vu'ings] 011105 ... silentbob god fucking damn 011106 ... CheapVodka true that silentbob...true that 011106 what's it to you? who go blather from