funny_phone_calls andie it's every 2-3 weeks that i call her and the words never come out right never say what i want that i wish we could have lived in our little world a bit longer had more time to explore it were more comfortable talking now felt we could share thoughts that have been building since our last conversation over four pots of highly caffienated coffee followed by a trip to the playground to sit upon equipment and smoke and let our words drift up entangled in our gray smoke to kiss the moon and i sort of wonder when i call her if she thinks of this or if i am only another fuckwit that has damaged something in her because the words never came out right never said what i wanted copyright 2001 010219 ... Dafremen The funiest thing about people "in love" is that they waste so much time talking about NOTHING. IS teen angst REALLY still so difficult to get through? Is it REALLY still so hard to say what we feel? Hell these days we screw like Philacidal rabbits and don't give it a second thought, yet we get on the phone and we have nothing to say. Hey here's a clue oh clueless one. Get yer tongue out of her ear next time just ong enough to SPEAK. You're so afraid of rejection of your ideas and feelings that you replace acceptance with sex or silence. Stop breathing on the phone. She doesn't pay the bill, you don't pay the bill, yer parents do. 010219 ... florescent light every morning, I am woken by the phone, with someone on the other line saying "Hello, Is ****** ******** there?" (I blot out my name for privacy purposes) and I say, "Yes, this is ****** ********." --hoping, really hoping, it will be a friend who is thinking of me and wants to invite me to lunch, or a long lost buddy reestablishing contact, or maybe, just maybe, a guy I had met and forgotten, calling to invite me out. And so in quick, eager, anticipation, I hold my breath and say, "Yes, this is ****** ********." And they say "This is AOL." 010220 ... god hurry up, take your time 010430 ... nemerfaD Between the lines of his words is always the same message, as follows: "As ever, I can be counted on to lash out with another dose of invective because I have nothing better to do or say. Whatever you think, whatever you feel, I have felt worse and won't hesitate to spit on you because of it. boo-fucking-hoo" 010501 ... Dafremen Hey! Just what I was looking for...a DETRACTOR! Thanks do0d, things at blather should be even MORE interesting for me now, ESPECIALLY since I've got your little anonymous i-won't-put-my-real-email-or-handle-on-my-blathers-cuz-quite-frankly-I-don't-have-THOSE-kind-of-balls-what-did-you-take-me-for ass to toy with. Thank you, no really I mean it. You have brought new meaning and purpose to MY life, and all of those bored adult parents of teens like me. I love you man...honestly...with all of my heart,and flowers and pumpkins full of sunshine are just BOUND to result from our constructive insight filled dialogues about um...what? Got anything meaningful to say? No I mean REALLY...do ya? Hey you wanted folx to listen...well hear I am...what do you have to offer?! Let's see...now I'll read between the lines: "I just want people here to accept me and what I say. I want their acceptance because I need acceptance from people my age because nobody else understands me. This Dafremen guy, George W. Bush, and my parents are ALL assholes and I hope they die before I slit my wrists or my boy/girlfriend dumps me and my world comes to a screeching halt...OH MY!" Like I said...this should be FUN. For a second or two anyhow. Step to the plate OR sneak around...your choice, time will have you feeling the fool eventually, but I won't laugh..I'll just tilt a beer your way, load a bowl, and save a seat for you here in adulthoodland. Bitterness just ISN'T my thing...truth and reality are and contrary to your (not so original) notions they BOTH exist and they aren't particularly subjective. You'll show up here in adulthoodland....I have NO doubt of that. Silly little guy. Thanks for the smile. - - 010501 ... Dafremen P.S. The beer will be Konig Pilsener because even though it costs a LOT more, it really kicks yer ass too. That's nice. P.P.S. The weed, can be either Nice sticky skunky skunk...or my own homegrown sensy..which ain't half bad but which I STILL keep as my personal because you know, after you watch something grow it's kind of hard to share it with other people. Oh and sorry...ever since I left Cali it's been hard as hell to get INDO, but trust me...it's alll good. P.P.S. Just a little word of advice. Next time you speak out against what you PERCEIVE as bitterness. Make sure and remove any tone of bitterness in your OWN response...it's MUCH more effective that way. Party on Bizarro Dafremen...party on. 010501 ... florescent light 8:o:three AM me-"Hello?" her-"Hi, Who is this?" me-"Hello?" her-"Who is this?" me-"Who is THIS?" her-"Your number was on my caller ID." me-"Who is this?" her-"This is Pat." me-"I'm sorry, I don't know a Pat, you must have the wrong number." her-"Your number was on my caller ID!" me-"What was the number?" her-"436-5110" me-"I'm sorry, that's my number, but I didn't call you." her- "It's on my ID, and I want to know why you called!!" me-"I didn't call." her-"I don't want you calling here again." me-"Okay, I didn't." her-"Yes you did." me- "Why would I call if I don't know who you are?" her-"Bitch!" *-click-* 010503 ... carden a telemarketer called today and asked for me, i told them that i was dead..hehe 010504 ... Dafremen I called today and the machine told me that it was the Caller ID Interceptor and that because it couldn't recognize me using caller ID(I was on my cellphone) it needed me to say who I was and speak my business. So I start to say My name is Roger.. that was all I got to say. Apparently the Inerceptor isn't too thorough. I got through. 010515 ... bono in lingerie :::bbbrrrring::: BONO: Hullo? CHICK: Um...hi. Is this Bono? BONO: Yes. Who's this? CHICK: Oh my God! I love you! You're so hot! Aaaaah! Aaaaaah! BONO: Easy, love! You'll give me tinnitus! CHICK: Aaaaaah! I had this dream! And I was, like, naked! And you were, like, naked too! Aaaaaaah! BONO: Christ! You're worse than band rehearsals! CHICK: Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaah! Will you have sex with me? BONO: That depends. What do you look like? CHICK: Um...sort of like a cross between Carmen Elektra and John Stamos. BONO: Holy fuck! (He hangs up the phone) CHICK: Hello? You still there? Bono? Hello? 010515 ... Norm when i was at work today, the dude i work with was tellin me about how he goes out to a farm on brookfield and picks shrooms and eats em but the farmer that owns the place always chases him with a salt gun (which hurt alot) and the other day he got stuck in mud and the farmer was shootin him and he couldnt get away, so he grabs a duck that was right next to him for some reason and starts screamin 'if ya shoots me once more im gonna snap the ducks neck!!' and then he snaped the ducks neck and later on in the day he went back and kicked one of them guy cows in the nuts and ran away A funny story I heard Thought I'd share 010829 ... MollyCule Norm, when you say Brookfield, do you mean Ohio? 010830 ... Norm Nope. 010830 ... Jess Its funny! I dont like phone calls! Phones scare me! I sound like one of the stupid people on this website who is depressed or trying to be a rebel! "I don't conform to the boundaries the phone places upon you etc.." But I just don't like phone calls and I thought that is funny! 040608 what's it to you? who go blather from