god_i_hate_people_damn_you_all blah-ze the title of this should be: thoughts one twelve am twenty second of november two thousand and three, and i wrote it in between coming home from my graduation-prom-thing and going to work. i hate it when i make people cry. Look around you. Look at her. Look into her eyes. Can you see what is inside her? No. Noone can. But what if you could, see all her joystriumphsfearsfailureshopeslovesdreamsdisasters? Would you still like her? Be her friend? No, but noone sees past the façade we wear, and into us. Especially not ourselves. Never ourselves. Look around you again. Why do you want to dance with me? Because you see me tainting your fun, sitting here? You feel some kind of fucking compulsion to be nice to me. For what? You. You scream ‘look at me, look at him, I dance with him, and I am such a good person, so nice’. Fucking selfish, isn’t it?. Makes you feel all warm inside. Maybe me, too. But not now, it just makes me want to slash my throat. Don’t look at me, fucking wasting my breath on you. You know, if you looked at everything someone did, but not just what they do, but why they do it, you’d understand. Maybe. Or you’d just run away screaming, it’s that ugly. That selfish, that self-involved, it makes you want to puke more that anything. And when you knock down the last little defence you have, you realize you are like that. You realize that it’s all just an act, what you think. Play acting with your own fucking mind, your fucking conscience no less. Just another goddamn selfish meat machine playing stupid games in a stupid world. And then, you all just make stupid reasons why you do it, playing the fucking biological game. You know what life is? Selfishness. All life survives, multiplies, creates more unto itself just to ensure it’s existence. No higher purpose. Even that fucking game, god and everything. Making you feel all nice unto death. Just another little game to keep you happy. Another little mind game control we all play. So in the end, make peace, go calmly into death, because then you beat the guy who dies kicking and screaming and cursing. He lost the mind game. You live, you breathe another second, you won. You convince yourself, even if you don’t know it, that whatever comes next, you won the game. Really, you can’t win, you cant lose, like standing on the precipice on a frozen falling moment. You fall, you win the game, you lose yourself. You stay another moment, second, hour, day, week, month, year, or the rest of you lifetime, you only wait to throw yourself over in the future, but you stay balanced on the edge. Living, breathing, unto death. Believing you won, believing you lost, believing you don’t care. In the end, it really doesn’t matter. Because you never win, you never lose. Go to hell, I’ll meet you there. 031201 ... endless desire i hate you all. blah made me cry. but that's not saying much. that's all i do anymore. fuck off. please. damnit. i hate existance. 031201 ... rage i can't cry anymore. 040422 ... out_of_it Someone should make a disease that sickens everyone that eats meat. That way the good people would be left and the animals would get a chance maybe we should just poisen the meat. im going to get a planet and bring all the animals to it and leave all the people behind to destroy this sad sick world. 040508 ... ivyducktwilightseto Wow, somebody needs to chill. Look, we all live in this world, to my knowledge anyway. We all face certain problems, realizations, occurences, joys, etc. in our lives. We all go through it. We all have our ups and downs. Things may seem like shit, but it will get better. Unless you're terminally ill, and then you've been granted a special gift. People need to realize that yes, this planet will die, and yes, humanity will vanish as well. And all you really have to worry about at the moment is your little life. Because you have virtually no effect on our ultimate end. Just don't launch any nukes, k? Anyway, the only way to truly lose in life is to kill yourself for no reason besides that you want to. No, problems in life do not constitute reason. If you live to be 100 and die miserably, then you lose, but you still tried. This is humanity. There is not point. Get used to it. Live you goddamn life to fullest. And quit your bitchin. 040509 ... ivyducktwilightseto sorry about that last blathe, just had to finally get that out. 040509 ... sleepy* Don't appologise Everyone here has something they have to get out. . 040509 ... kookaburra i'll do my bitchin here if i want to... what if i dont wanna be all i can be??? maybe i want to be one of those people who could have been a star, but decided not to, because then its always a mystery to how good i could have been... 040509 ... your fortune teller you're destined to work at Wal Mart. Sorry, somebody has to. 040510 ... EbilSporkMonkey I can't let everything I feel out I would offend too many people there for all I can say is if you eat meat damn you to hell and I hate the rest of you anyways thank you very much and I'm sorry if this offended anyone I may not like you but that doesn't mean I'm an insensitive asshole I care about what offends people and how people feel 040510 ... kookaburra yay! walmart! i was planning to be a druggie with no future. im really movin up in the world 040518 ... magdalena Curse you all... Marshall... Tunstall... Amy... Esmarelda.... Stoopid... Eddie..... Brandy.... The flower girl.. Most of the chris's and michael's... Why can't people just be fucking honest?I tell the truth even if it's painfull...... Who created the ice queen? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! 040519 ... ? ... 040519 ... out_of_it if people stopped to think about what they were doing to themselves and the planet and their environment and the people around them for 2 fucking seconds and forgot about hardening themselves against the cruel hard world bullshit and just let themselves feel an ounce of compassion then this world would be a much better place. i try not to hate but i just want to shake some people and scream because everone knows the right thing to do, i cant understand one good reason why they wouldn't. 051104 ... phil I have thought a lot about war and vegetarianism and all the things they tell you to think about. For example, they tell you to recycle. They let you place it in the nice box. But when the trash goes out, it all goes out in the same box. Even if they did recycle that paper, it's meaningless. It's a big lie. Recycling is a waste of energy. Same with plastic. We have a growing number of trees. As a matter of fact, the state where I live, never had any trees before the 1500s. Like bombing an innocent city. The world is a ball of shit. You can sit and flash idealism around like a queen but when it comes time in your life to buy a home. To get married. To do something like that, you break down and get as selfish as the rest of us. It doesn't matter what you do. Have a pet, what a thing to do... Take a hot shower, idiot! Brush your teeth, greedy. Read a book. A damn book...you just don't care. Did you conclude we would all be better off living like you? You don't have a reason to hate us. Try to change my life and you'll realize it will cost you everything you have, it's not easy, like the lie. Once you know what you want changed, getting angry at it is stupid. Why do we eat cows? With the grain it takes to feed a cow you could feed 25 people with bread. Note: either way the cow dies. A cow is a complex processing center for grain, it converts it to meat, then the cow shits out most of the grain. Other species eat the meat, they aren't lazy gluttons like the stupid cow. I only eat cage free eggs. They cost an arm, and milk is expensive too. I like soy. I notice is says fortified, which probably means they grind cow skull into it. The cereal in the "health food" is very good and costs the same as regular cereal. I feel innocent about drinking tea. But none the less it is completely unnecessary. Like cigarettes, little suicides. My shoes, probably don't need those. This computer. But what am I? Just me, alone in my shell? Perfect, untouchable, fearful. Stupid, worthless, selfish... evil? 070220 ... phil I want to breathe, you are fucking with me, I know it, I feel it, breathing down my neck in the car. You are there. Turning the wheel slightly, I constantly need to correct, blinding my vision, distracting me with signs. You are the creep who writes words when I'm not looking, pressing return before I catch onto your games. Making me skip over a line while proof reading. You die away slowly with practice, I work off your waste. I feel vengeful, wrathful, I want to swipe you away in a sudden furious blow. Leaving you in limbo. you taunt me, distract even my most pure thoughts to those of chaos. You deceived me into creating great works of evil. 070220 ... 1756 Says the good_at_math_bad_at_life 150507 what's it to you? who go blather from