pickup_lines The Schleiffen Man I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes. Nice legs...what time do they open? Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more? Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Pink-Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one? I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven? Hey baby, why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that POPS up. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. Are those real? You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy. You can feel the magic between us...No, lower! I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue. Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. (Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any Questions? Fuck me if I'm wrong but is your name Helga? Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute." Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to. I know milk does a body good, but, DAMN, how much have you been drinking? If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? What you don't like pizza? I may not be Dairy Queen but I'll treat you right. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me. Do you sleep on your stomach at night? Can I??? Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them. Like Motel 6...I'll leave a light on for you. If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold IT against me? I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room. If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put you and I together. Let me check the tag on your shirt, I want to see if it says "Made in Heaven" Hey nice shoes, wanna fuck? 000701 ... kate I'm a rockstar. 001011 ... jennifer Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside? 001028 ... god hey! i'm a LOCAL rock star. 001028 ... . : * p s y b o r g * : . I ain't no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. 011104 ... nocturnal good: the guy at jiffy lube (he was so cute!) started laughing. I said, "what?" he said, "nothing, you've just got a really cute smile." bad: the guy working at the bank drive-through counter actually said this, "so, you come to this bank often?" 011104 ... Photophobe That dress is very becoming on you. If I was on you, I'd be coming too. Have you got any australian in you? Would you like some? 011104 ... Dafremen "That seat's taken unless you think you're woman enough to take it." (With that in-yer-face Italian gusto, a hint of an Irish rogue's smile and a twinkle in my dayblue eyes, the perfect complement to your midnight hair.) Eleven years later mi amor, dime que todavia no sientes la magia. You can't? Yo tampoco, mi vida, ni de broma. 011104 ... dB Those look like comfortable shoes. 011104 ... ilovepatsajak you have a beautiful ass. -man at the post office 011105 ... niki my friend...who is a math geek said these to me: oh...i wanna tap that asymptote hey...wanna go in my room and integrate i thought they were hilarious though he seemed hurt when i laughed in his face 011105 ... Norm Have sex with me. Oops sorry, I mean have sex with me, please? Works everytime... but not really, it has worked though. if it doesn't work the first time get up and try again. In other words drop to your knees and beg. 011105 ... nocturnal if someone decent looking said that to me I'd be the happiest girl in the world. that's EXACTLY what I want someone to say. that and, "you don't really need me to ever call you again, do you?" 011105 ... Dafremen Except maybe for another fling you mean though right? I mean yer not like that evil, twisted bitch from the James Bond flick what was it? Octopussy? The chick that tried to make James sign the letter saying that she was the best lover that he ever had and he shot her with the pen cuz it was really a rocket launcher. Um....well if you didn't see that part...you should, it was pretty classic with her legs just sitting there, the rest of her blown to smithereens. So anyhow yer not saying that yer looking for a guy to screw you into a frenzy then just disappear cuz there's so many nice looking guys to screw and so little time? I mean cuz if THAT's what you're saying noc... Sounds like a plan, sister! If you can spread a little joy in the world (among other things) I say good for you! Just be sure, if you ask them to write any endorsements of your sexual prowess, to bring your own pen. 011106 ... nocturnal will do. thanks for the advice, buddy. always much appreciated, and ever so wise. 011106 ... ClairE The worst ever: after trying to get me to "help" him log onto Yahoo (to be eye level with my tits), suddenly: "That's your grandma's?" "What?" asks ClairE. Nods at my top, "Your grandparents gave you that shirt." "Um, no. I bought it." Silence. Heh heh, what a loser. He wasn't *playing* dumb when he asked me to help him log in. 011126 ... ilovepatsajak today they took it easy and it was just a beep and some weird noise. the spanish boys like me. it traumatizes me so i might have to quit walking to the bank for yuric. 011203 ... rip hey how you doing ..... pretty cood since i met you 011203 ... rip hey how you doing ..... pretty good since i met you 011203 ... girl_jane What's the matter? You look a little sad and gloomy. Looks like you could use a little vitamin me. 020912 ... Norm I don't know about you but I'm pretty fucking hammered... Speaking of fucking why don't you take those pants off and I'll wail on your clit with my tounge. Hahahaha. (don't forget to wag your tounge and smile after you've said it) 031117 ... p2 "hi, my ex is at the other end of the bar could you please help me look like i'm over her?" 031117 ... misstree that's cute as hell, p2. of the many that would work on me, i think that one would make me genuinely smile at the same time. somehow, i think it sounds better coming from a guy--that sensitive type, yaknow--whereas coming from a girl it would just be a little drama signal. "you bored?" "yup." "wanna go fuck?" *pause* "sure." 031117 ... p2 thanks it's never failed yet mostly cuz i've never used it (i just thought of it) to expand upon my previous submission: "hi, my ex is at the other end of this bar could you please help me look like i'm over her?" now it can go one of two ways 1) she thinks it's sweet and talks to you at this point you're on your own flash your pearly whites crack your best jokes make yourself memorable 2) she thinks it's pitiful and talks down to you (in disgust) "so you're not [over her]?" (cast eyes down, tilt head) "no... (look into her eyes, raise an eyebrow, put on a charming smile) but i'd like to be." again, one of two ways 2-1) she finds you charming see 1. 2-2) she finds you skeevy (still disgusted) "ewww, get away from me" (change tactic to humor) "that's funny, (grin) that's exactly what my ex said when we broke up" finally... 2-2-1) she laughs with you see 1. 2-2-2) she laughs at you (laughing) "you're pathetic" "ya know, you're kinda bitchy like her too" (walk away) 2-2-3) she's not laughing (looks at you funny) "what?" (forget it, too much work) "nothing" (walk away) 031117 ... crimson I'll do almost anything once. Something about you makes me think I'd do you more. Eric: If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together. Me: What about F and U? 031120 what's it to you? who go blather from