empty_longing REAListic optimIST i get this feeling sometimes i'm anxious without a reason i feel like i could get ill the tears just appear i don't know what is wrong other than it feels like everything is wrong. i feel like i am alone. disconnected. and that there is no way out. i don't know what to do to make this feeling go away but eventually, it just does. i could sure use a hug or a friendly glance or a lap to lay in but i'll have to settle for this blurple sea in which to drown this feeling of disconnection because i know someone somewhere will read this and will care. 031127 ... ferret you fucker, now why'd you have to go out and do that? ugh, i hate society. 031127 ... REAListic optimIST sorry ferret. i hope you didn't carry too much of my pain away from this blathe. it just felt like i was going to drown under the weight of it all, and i didn't know what to do but spread it around. maybe next time i'll put the pill in some peanut butter so you won't notice. 031127 ... time_warp i empathise, realistic. don't worry about peanut butter. 031127 ... Death of a Rose of control lost, undulating expulsion, great things done, realistic musings, corded head knots, watch machine dried, tokens of no worth, optimistic passages of similar belief. 031127 ... f someone somewhere dreams of you smile and thinks of your presence, life is worthwhile. so when you're down remember it's true, someone somewhere is dreaming of you. 031228 ...   it's the emptiness that gives rise to the longing 031228 ... unhinged my heart was filled by you overflowed and so much time without you leaves it empty for five months i have tried to get you out of me but even when you were gone my heart was filled by you the holes plugged up with healthier means of completion but so long without you it dissolves i have tried to get you out of me but to hear you so close only half wishing that i wouldn't run into you i realize i will always love you i was filled by you overflowed and time dissolves it not to be refilled i try to walk away and it leaves my heart heavy and i am lonely again longing for someone to fill the holes in my heart revealed again without_you i have been trying to walk away but being so close makes me falter i think i will leave you to your new women and once again be empty 031228 ... Nirvanic Blind Haven't been able to find the words. the feelings out of my reach. im left with fragmented thoughts. fragments. nonsense. me. this is me. this is me. stuck in the void. no way out. shut in the darkness. behind the door. stolen my life. traded for this. killed my esteem. replaced my life. only life. its only life. its just life. bury me deep. like my emotions. have no escape. no escape. keep it enclosed. show it to me. fill the void. fill the life. fill the soul. fill the hole........stop hitting him you fucking bitch.. sudden despair. forgotten memories. i have no more words. im not here. your not here. create. this is me. a blank page. a broken soul. a word. a thought. a figment. stuck in a blank page. lend me your soul. lend me your life. this is me. who are you? lend me your life. no more will. stay very still. lay very still. feel. feel. your not me. your not real. im not real. the lifes in the trees. the waves in the grass. the push of the wind. no analyses. only fragmented thoughts. the caress of a touch. the warmth of a kiss. the feeling of warmth. your gaze upon me. my wall. the loss. the contradiction. leave me here. let me wallow. help me mend. bring me comfort. so down. so empty. so drowned. seeth. need. need. something meaningful. something more. new feeling. new emotions. here. crawled up against myself. tell me im right. prove me wrong. tell me you understand. tell me you can see. tell me theres more. show me my life. lend me your love. cry on my shoulder. let me dry your eyes. hold you near. drown out our fears. together. break the cycle. forget the past. laugh. share a private thought. let me in. knock on my door. ask with sincerity. im sorry. sorry for the pain. sory for the damage. sorry for breaking you. sorry for making you this. sorry for killing your innocence. sorry for our lives. sorry i couldn't help. sorry for being so mean. sorry i hate myself. sorry i took it out on you. sorry i cant express it. sorry for taking up space. just broken pieces. me. this is me. its just life. its only life. its all nonsense....kasjpahahhahhhhhhh. its all i have left. cant find a way to end it. cant find the words to express it. can hardly even think. i have so much to say. i have nothing to say........i guess i have nothing to say???????? (sigh) 031229 ... egger . 031230 ... f are you sure you have nothing to say? 040117 ... pipers R.O - i know what you mean. much hugs. 040117 ... pd and nirvanic- *thumbs up* spot on! spot on! 040117 ... Death of a Rose right on dOOd! . 040118 ... pd why does every vaguely similar face have to spike adrenalin though my heart [just for an instant but 'tis enough] 040212 ... kamiwhodoesntmatter somewhere out there someone is calling my name i would like to believe that it happens to be the same voice i call to in the dregs of maelstromy full-blown longing, hollow burning behind the eyes how long since this sorrow has been colouring the skies? sometimes, the moon is friend some time we dream the dream to end pain is feeling, why pretend? we are afraid, my lonely friend bravery is the smallest thing so fierce and unpredictable so tenuous and irresistible our vulnerability is stunted our tenderness is shunted to make way for fearlessness in other words, we forget to tremble to shake when we undress under the eyes of him or her --but I digress we are not alone not alone in our loneliness a million other voices call drowning one another drowning, all together our cries encompass all 040324 ... almostgone just today all day this same thing started same way went away same way yesterday too and the day before write and write a sad delight in words head living over half life 040324 ... kami What's it come to when All your thoughts verge on the tip of a pen Sway and swirl and push against your hand And refuse, flat out refuse To bleed again? One is all, simply that and nothing more One is all, all that is For the asking and the granting For the praying and the ranting For the touching and the panting What is it all come to When it will not come, When the wish refuses to leave The sad and silent tongue? Each good-bye steals a little of the soul (Each time you wave, or close the door When your noisy jacket is heard no more) Each good-bye steals a little of the whole. What is it come to, when It returns not at all... what then? 040414 ... misstree fill it up pour in the heaviness in my throat and the sky that draws my eyes and the lost little motions of my fingers. put it in the fridge and let it set. it will become exquisite_longing if you keep your fingers out of it. 040415 ... unhinged tired_old_story five years later i'm still alone 080222 what's it to you? who go blather from