question_for_everyone Trinity I have always loved this boy.. we'll call him Jacob. I mean, he was my first love and I've always been crazy about him. My mother loves him, my brothers like him, but he never returned those feelings until now. It's been 4 years now since I started loving him, and it's always been there, just a change in intensity everynow and then. We lost touch, but about a year and a half ago we started talking, and I began to believe that maybe I should just wait for him. So I did. I wait for over a year for him to come around, and finally I lost hope and began dating someone else.. we'll call him Adam. Adam and I have been dating now for 3 months as of today, not to mention a history that goes back 3 years. Last night Jacob told me that he's not sure if it's love, but he knows that it's not just friendly... dream come true right? Now I'm trapped in a situation where i don't know what to do. Yes I love Adam, but I also love Jacob.. the feelings are so incredibly different for the both of them though, that they are uncomparable. Please someone.. anyone.. What should I do? 010725 ... Gollum let go of the past, yes precious, let go 010725 ... helpful you're screwed no matter what you do 010725 ... Trinity helpful... you are anything but. 010725 ... Dafremen If you're prepared to spend you life as Jacob's "back-up" girl, then go for it. If you AREN'T a complete idiot however, might I suggest the following instead: Figure out (by yourself... it's called reflection or contemplation) which of the feelings are real and which are the result of a fantasy that you've built up in your mind over the years. Do you really LOVE Jacob? Or have the years of waiting amplified simple infatuation into some sort of obsessive HYPERinfatuation? Once you've figured out which feelings are real and which are figments of your emotional imagination, decide which of the feelings is closer to what you're looking for in your ideal relationship. If it's Adam, stick it out with him, he hasn't put you on hold so don't put HIM on hold. If it's Jacob, I suggest you look around for someone else who has those Jacobian qualities that appeal to you. (Please don't cop out like a typical teen and say that you like EVERYTHING about Jacob. That's bullsh*t, noone likes everything about ANYONE, Mother Teresa included.) Make a list of PERSONALITY traits that you like FIRST. If the list is real short, perhaps you should think about what you're looking for from this Jacob guy, or maybe you're just a shallow appearance oriented person. It's not unheard of. If the list is long, then maybe there is a real connection there, just not between you and Jacob. Look for someone that possesses those qualities and has the looks you like too. For GAWD sake don't go with Jacob whatever you do. Being back-up girl is NOT the place ya wanna be. That's my advice anyhow. P.S. To whom it may concern: 10 to 1 this kid not only ignores the advice, and ends up trying to go out with this Jacob guy but 5 to 1 odds say that he calms any fears she might have about being "back-up" girl with one of the following oft used lines- 1. I've always liked/loved you, I just didn't know it until now. 2. Now that I have you, why would I want anyone else? 3. Why do you worry about what other people think/say? All that's important is us. Also expect the "I'm not sure if it's love, but it's more than just friendly" thing to continue. It's an easy avoidance of commitment that's like a carrot on a stick. (I ALMOST love you, if you try hard enough perhaps I will someday...(sucker!)) Ok so I'm putting up a crisp new $1 bill that sez I'm probably right. (A $5 side bet sez she DENIES that any of the above happened because she read about this bet.) And finally, if by some extremely OFF chance I should lose the bets and this young lady follows the advice given, then I'll be out 6 bux and she won't get USED by this Jacob character and THAT'll be fine too. 010725 ... florescent light I'm throughly impressed with your advice daffy dear I would have said the same thing you've earned a dead monkey 010725 ... Trinity thanks..that actually did help, in your wry and blunt way of putting things... and you know what... adam loves me now... if jacob really does love me... he's willing to wait for me.. but he better not hold his breath too long... thanks. :) 010725 ... Dafremen Thanks. Frozen one please. 010725 ... Dafremen No problem, that's what I'm here for...sort of. (Just keep this to yourself, I have a reputation as an @$$hole to maintain.) I hope everything works out for you in the end kiddo. Good luck. 010725 ... Aimee hey daffy... thanks 010725 ... Teenage Jesus Caught `ya being nice! Ha! Now I'm going home- and I feel all warm and fuzzy! Thanx Daffy : ) Also - Dead_Joe is coming 010725 ... The Truth Aimee, if you can, believe in the power of destiny and purpose of True Love. Everything happens for a reason, and for some reason, [maybe it wouldn't have worked out if the timing was any different] things are happening this way now, to force you into this position where you must make a choice that will affect the rest of your life to a major or minor degree. The thing you must ask yourself is this: Is Jacob the one? could you spend the rest of your life with him? Are you even ready to settle down? If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, then it's time to sit Adam down for a little chat. If you don't know the answer to those questions, then you need to do some soul searching. If the answer is "no"...then I would not make any hasty decisions, that poor Adam would eventually end up suffering for. If I could meet Jacob, look once into his eyes, I could tell you the answer, because I'd know what kind of person he is, if he would do this to test your loyalty or some crap. But, I don't know, if your family likes him, he may be a good guy. What kind of person is he? Is he worth your love? Does Adam have the same love potential that you see in jake? 010725 ... Aimee truth... jacob isn't worth it... I've been brooding about this all bloody day, and the only thing I've come up with is.. i'm happy now. What the hell does he think he's going to accomplish? Honestly.. during our "almost dating" life, I spent a great deal of it unhappy. and now I am happy, and I'm not going to throw that away. Adam's a great guy... and jacob doesn't deserve me. 010725 ... Dafremen And this folx is why, anonymous or not, Aimee is one of my blather_heroes. She's super cool, but willing to let a little logic and mix in with her emotion and her intense Leo intuition doesn't hurt either. Quite frankly, now that I know who Trinity is I would give myself much worse odds and be willing to swap those bets with a $20 bet that she had decided already and was just really looking for someone to confirm her own gut feeling. (The tug of war between intuition and emotion eventually matures into a connection that binds the two into a finely honed tool for reading people and situations. Looks like you're well on your way to enjoying the benefits. Good for you. Intuition is the best friend you've got and will bring you more love and happiness than all of the 4-year-ago-Jacobs in all of the parallel dimensions in all of the known, unknown or unknowable universes and beyond could have ever brought you.) 010725 ... mmm BEEFY! who_let_the_cows_out ?? 010725 ... Aimee thanks Daf... You're right... I did have my mind made up, but I wanted someone to be brutally honest.. and I knew you'd answer like that.. :) Thanks 010725 ... black-dyed gel product i thoroughly enjoy rice. 010726 ... andru235 who wants to know my feelings on knossos? probably most of you. well, the fact is, i like it. a LOT. in fact, i've been stalking knossos for some time now. i know what you are thinking - healthy minds don't stalk aegean isles. well, guess what i am thinking? "knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos knossos" 051022 what's it to you? who go blather from