my_life_is_a_mess D y a n n e This sucks why cant everything thing just work out like it always does in movies... Why cant all friends be great true friends that always seem to stick together and get along and never betray each other... why cant everyone have at least one friendship like that... why cant it be clear which guy is right for you and which one you should go out with and which one to slap...everything would be alot better and easier for everyone...I just wish I would know which guy I want and not waste my time with the others that come around ...I hate wasting my tears on guys that arent worth it but yet I always seem to do so.... 020903 ... D y a n n e I have never ever done anything wrong to my friend EVER and tonight she swore on our friendship that she was telling the truth when I know for a fact that she was lying What did I do to make her not want to be my friend I dont understand it at all we were such great friends we got along so well even helped each other get guys...which is very important hehe 020903 ... D y a n n e One of my other friends Stole my Boyfriend in March I hated seeing them together everytime I saw them it made me hate both of them but it also made me hate me then I got used to seeing them and almost felt like I should be happy for them and wouldnt you know it they break up and Hes been trying to get me back ever since then and I know I still really like him but I just wouldnt be able handle going though him breaking up with me again so I dont want to take the risk of going back out plus I dont know if I should take him back after how he ditched me...But the more time I spend with him the more I want him back 020903 ... D y a n n e Why do guys always have to try and use everyone just for sex Its not right Why cant a guy just like me and not try to get in my pants everytime he sees me and why do the only guys that like me and dont try to get in my pants the ones that I dont like as well as the ones that just want sex or they broke up with me for my best friend 020903 ... GirlNamedLover that was one long sentence. 020904 ... D y a n n e Nah it was just the right length 020904 ... Freak yeah, and on top of that, when I left for school today I had to pull over because something felt wrong with my car. BOTH of my rear tires were flat. How the hell does that happen. I wouldve known if I ran over something that would make both of my tires go flat. ~My step dad asked me if I had made any new enemies. I just thought to myself, Nope, no NEW enemies. 020904 ... unhinged i'll just watch you disappear in_love in_clouds_of_smoke and go to the library and listen to shostakovich sometimes i wonder if people notice the_final_cut most people don't have the balls to say anything and now you want to repair your 'broken ties' i was just a line a fuck a desparate mess i'm happy to be the table of your verbal assault happy to be the shoulder happy to have no one that would do the same for me but i wouldn't want to complicate you hidden in plain view i'm supposed to acknowledge what i hate staring at every damn day looking at your stupid face knowing you don't deserve it but then again maybe i don't either 020904 ... Syrope and for once, i'm relaxing among the tangles and admiring the complexity 020904 ... phil sometimes I think you need to start a relationship with somebody for a reason. Anything basically, at least for me, it could be anything. Hey we have the same color shoes let's go see a movie. Or they just smile too much and it makes you happy. Most of my attempts start over what I suppose would be sexual reasons, or random shit where I don't know, but I feel comfortable going to see somebody. And then my parents, if I could kick them out of the house I would. I guess the best thing I have going for me, is that everyone else seems to have some sort of identity. Certain people, I really don't want to know and some people are jsut a bunch of smoke. 020905 ... eklektic when we were on the bus, on the way home - after i got the news - i laid against the window and tried to go to sleep. but you were talking just loud enough so that i could hear, clearly, every word of your conversation with peter: **this week has been hell for you because steve left and you cant seem to get your faith in order, because your brother just gave up christianity. **you wanted to get up in chapel on thursday, leave and go cry. **your favorite season is the transition between fall and winter. **on tuesday, the day you were absent, you didnt hang out with steve like i thought. you stayed at home because you didnt feel like you could face the world. you felt terrible - inside and out. **you want to be a successful artist but you feel inadequate. **you hate this school year now. and you think you'll hate it for the rest of it. **you cant think for yourself. you're always coerced into doing something. i tried not to cry for you in the seat. but i couldn't help it. i was upset because you're going with someone that you didnt formally ask, nor did you make the decision yourself. i was upset because we're too alike and you seemed to put all of my feelings into words, but it wasnt a good time to do it. i was upset because as i sat near the window and cried silently, you didnt look over once to see if i was ok. but you did tell me goodnight before i left. i smiled and said goodnight. goodnight austin. dont be sad. it will be ok. 020906 ... *silent screams ...yet the pain makes everything feel so real, so i really can't complain... 030502 ... User24 get a vacuum cleaner, it works when our flat is a mess.. 030502 ... phil I always cry on buses 030502 ... MOAI who knew the existence of a stone head on an Easter Island ridge could be so screwed up? 030502 ... pete Some get sad or even mad and forget about what they have had to look upon their lives and find that loves they've had were too unkind or love they made was made in vain or gave their hearts for naught to gain and oh they wish it was divine and always thinking all the time about how nice this world would be if 1 + 1 could equal three Maybe its not so hard to find If your heart was not so blind Becuase you know that there are those Who never even knew your woes Who dream to one day figure out the same love that you speak about Who've might not ever had a kiss or anything at all to miss and feel their hearts may go to waste without a chance to have a taste Love will come when it sees fit theres no use trying to force it some may wait for their whole lives until they finally realize That love just needs a place to start It needs to first be in your heart. 030507 ... rage what the fuck am i doing wrong i wanna get out of this but this is real escape_reality and get fucked up again 041128 ... so is this blathe 041129 ... fix 041129 ... unhinged but i know better now this_too_shall_pass mantra_of_the_year the anger crashes over me like a wave and like a wave it subsides in_the_wake_of_lamentable_tides 110426 ... hsg life's_messy 110427 what's it to you? who go blather from