unhinged a dead steel town on borders of so many lives. i talked to her mom and she said there used to be all kinds of movie theaters downtown but everyone got scared and no one goes there any more. cafaro and debartolo really know how to run a town. i wonder how much they actually run. mob ties run deep i suppose. they closed down the mental institution and threw out all the schizophrenics on the street. everyone on campus knows the crazy lady with the layered clothes that walks around singing to herself asking for change with her little lace skirt. and the caped man with the fisher price cassette player that used to stop at the tables outside of the burger king and ask for change before they shut it down. wick park was full of big tall oaks and acorn caps and crackheads. maybe i'm getting better at the violin here in y-town. i'm not sure. but i know a lot more than i used to. i know how to down a whole bottle of peppermint schnapps and keep it down, the beauty of drugs that he abhorred, the comfort of the blade. you can see it in all their eyes. everyone that has lived here their whole lives. y-town is just a shell of what it used to be all the people too. the little girl at the rescue mission that clinged to me and tears came to my eyes. frank's eyes...they are all hollow. they say if ltv shuts down that cleveland will end up just like y-town and everyone gasped. not another y-town...not another y-town. 010108
MollyCule going to see some show at cedar's (probably ivet) and it was three AM, we drove through y town past the crackheads and the hookers . . . hollee checked to door locks at every red light . . . i was born in this town, you know. in that hospital right over there, one named after some saint no one cares about anymore. 010109

every day that passes brings me closer to you my dear

the full moon is beautiful tonight and all the pretty stars....
unhinged this is my home now
every crack in the sidewalk familiar
the fences and trees and stoplights
this is where i live
this is where my heart is
every day i'm on the corner of spring and wick
waiting for the light to change
waiting for the snow to fall
waiting for the courage
playing my life out in small pieces
i remember you
i'm happy now
maybe that's why you don't recognize me
unhinged FUCK YOU

everything is so damn complicated

opening up the steel mills would clear up everything about the clouds

i just want to become a hermit; just me and my violin; then the truth won't alienate me from friends anymore.
unhinged this is me
stepping out into the cold
with this plastic smile on my face
so that you don't ask me what is wrong
because you
don't care
if i told you
that every day
i felt like jamming pins
through my eyes
you would label me a 'freak'
and walk away disgusted
if i am not lost in a corn field
i_am_lost in a post-industrial wasteland
every night
that runs through my mind before i fall asleep is
that is a shame to go to sleep
only to wake up again the next day
i have set my maximum life expectancy to
sixty years of age
that's right:
i don't want to live past 60
and you sat on your bar stool
sipping your $5 pitcher
and labeled me a 'freak'
but you don't understand what it feels like
to need outside motivation
to get out of bed in the morning
you don't know the weight
that fuels my disgust
i don't want to live
dirty, broken, addicted
but it is already a hole
i keep falling into
any more than 40 more years of this stuff
seems insanely cruel to me
eternal life ---
that would scare the shit out of me
i hope that heaven doesn't exist for me
i never see that dull look
leave his eyes
every window is boarded up
every street sign is bent and hangs crooked
the salt of winter makes us grimy
a perpetual layer of dust
that clouds our vision
through the cold and wet and dreary
you don't know the weight
your ego places upon me
i would write you a suicide note
but the karma of guilt
would haunt me in the bardo
find me somewhere clean
far away from this unreality
unhinged ltv shut down. the future of cleveland in thirty years scares me.

it was just beginning to feel like home
the pitch of my cough
as i hurtled poisons down my throat
the gleam of his eyes
as he came down
we all were comforted by
the individual gloom
i began to feel
like i owned the place
life so simply complicated
nothing so completely wrong
as the gleam in his eyes
the ringing of the clock downtown
empty deserted streets
lingering pasts of dirt
we liked to check the progress
of collapse
it was our pastime
we were all comforted by
the permeating disease
we danced our tango
in the falling leaves
falling lower
falling deep
we clung to each other
in our sickness
falling complete
lowest than low
the sickness itself a comfort
as numbness stole the life in our eyes
the tiny christmas lights making
glitter in the dirty snow
we clung to each other
with nothing left to know
falling complete
the highways a circle
with no way out
it was just beginning to feel like home
crimson you lose most of the decent cleveland radio stations about fie miles outside of youngstown. well, there really are no decent cleveland radio stations. but if there were... 030925
crimson **
five miles
unhinged there actually is a pretty good cleveland radio station now...i don't remember the station number anymore though...it's not 92.3 because they just play a bunch of loud annoying 'rock' (yeah right) maybe it's closer to the end of the fm dial. i can't fucking remember anymore but i was duly impressed when they played hurt by nin and they played a good mix of rock from the early 90s when rock was actually rock with some good new stuff that's been coming up in the recent past, and i'm not talking about the easy listening alternative rock of the early 90s, i'm talking about ROCK. but yeah, youngstown is in the radio station black hole; too far from cleveland and too far from pittsburgh so all you get is rap and country stations. the radio in youngstown especially sucks. 030925
crimson I think you are talking about 100.7 (WMMS, I think)

Maybe that's not what you meant.

It's an ok station.
Better, yes, than many Cleveland ones.
unhinged no, actually i wasn't talking about 100.7 although that's the station i listen to most. it's a different one. i can't remember..... 031024
unhinged funny how hip_hop 's my thing now and even back then we would roll around listening to warren_g after she started dating pj 100612
paste! greek hot dog stand owner (BC 510-452). caught a javelin in the buttocks. sold his sandals to some sophist whose lecture on rhetoric went in one ear and out the other. hammer of zeus, he cried. may the parthenon fall from the heavens on thee! barefooted, sprayed mustard all over the togas of many, including zytoclimograsty the funky slave trader and speedothenes the lycra peddler. 101215
unhinged (i haven't been back there in years; i like to keep some distance between us

but i still occasionally listen to_my_boys )
what's it to you?
who go