vous_et_nul_autre jane just for you.. . 021114 ... . . 021117 ... werewolf you find a ring glittering on the pavement and you put it in a drawer. you think if others cannot see it, perhaps it won't haunt you anymore. and sure you didn't walk past it like so many others did, and sure your look was more desperate than curious but its inscriptions are patient and would make any heart its etched on beat just as furious. and its lonely not owning the one thing you think you should, the one thing if you could own anything, that you think you could. and people give you presence, and people say things they can't mean and mean things they can't say. and you don't mind the how are yous, but vous et nul autre is an eternal braid you just won't betray. its silent death, in a universe, in a drawer, drowned out by the day's mundane thunder, is the last thing you can see with eyes wide with wonder. and if i could wear you, if you would adorn me like gravity is your only promise, there'd be nothing left to wait for. there'd be nothing left to miss. if you'd entwine my shaking hands like a simple ring, what more could any appetite i have possibly bring? if your words were as bound in your skin, as new and as old as the turn of a phrase denting soft gold, if all this could be, what need would there be for rings? what need for drawers? what is lonliness but seeing the in the world around us promises so much more deeply etched than our faceless needs. what else is there but you? who else is like me, less trusted than a mountain, too dense to float away like the atmosphere? there is only you, only you stand between them and me. 021118 ... . .. 021118 ... jane what does one say to such an outpouring of words someone kissed my hand the other night i was confused i didn't enjoy feeling waited on lightning bolt hits the sun but no one can tell 021120 ... werewolf cinderella was the only girl in her town with that shoe size. the royal proclamation was the one size no longer fits all. people already knew that or else they'd all be making royal proclamations. and he looked so hard for her, that really it seemed he had fashioned even the misery she was leaving behind. it all seemed part of some courtship. even her stepsisters seemed whimisical for their part in this. their anger farcical, cherubs in a renessaince tableau, and her the patient madonna. the prince seemed a disciplined man. as if he sat near candles and never even flinched as they showed the patience and inevibility of the darkness in their flickering. as if his memory of a light was enough for him to find his way. and he found his way to her. she was waiting for him. she could never sweep the floor the same way as she had before the ball. there was always an eagerness to finish, to move on to something else. he seemed a disciplined man. but he wasn't as generic as she'd hoped. he wasn't all moonlight and waltz music. he wasn't all leading when she felt like being led and bowing politely when she had an idea. he actually had a foot fetish. you'd think she'd notice but she ignored it. also her father had loved her wicked stepmother. clearly there was a lot cinderella ignored. stability wasn't something she thought of when she a finish line of sorts came into sight. parts of her wanted to last longer than other parts of her thought they should. he had said vous et nul autre, and she had ran with it to her fairy godmother the way a cat brings in a bloody mouse. on their wedding night she giggled mischeiviously and said now what? later she giggled malevolently and said the same. this was the first time she'd been allowed to stretch. sincerity was now a luxury. he had said, now we live happily ever after. they made many reforms as rulers. they made many mistakes. for instance they put their palace over a fault line. and everytime they heard the earth grumble at night they'd say, it was your idea! another mistake was when he had expected her to fit that shoe the rest of her life. he had often said vous et nul autre and sometimes it had been right, but sometimes he had been saying it to a stranger. and sometimes he wished he had never found her. but he realized that the shimmering of that night wasn't all him. he realized that in the whole world there really was no other. nothing other than this. he turned to her and said vous et nul autre. and she said...you too dear, you're lucky there isn't another, because i'd take him. 021120 ... werewolf but mainly they were a lot happier than they used to be. 021120 ... werewolf for you? haha 021120 ... jane i used to have dreams about you. long, intricate, colorful dreams, like running next to a mural or a long mosaic. and then i would wake up, and the colors would still be there...but you...your face wasn't there. i couldn't remember. and i would sit there in the comfortable faded green chair and wracked my brain (yes, that is the right spelling), but it wouldn't come to me. you were gone. and all i had left was the hope that you would be there when i closed my eyes that night... 021120 ... jane i sent you a letter "it should arrive in two to three days..." love, me 021125 ... werewolf don't worry, it's locked away safe in the heart museum. 021128 ... jane so you got it...? 021129 ... jane when do i get your letter dammit 021208 ... j i meant it when i said it. i mean, i wish things could work out differently. this is all very confusing and you keep assuming things and i don't know what the hell you want me to do. take on a challenge; take on me. how come this is the only one you aren't up for? you've made it clear to me that i'm at least somewhat worth it, and i'm wondering where that went. what happened to sincerity against sincerity, body heat in the morning, baby footprints on your window, berkeley_marina_at_4_in_the_morning? has it been all that terrible? was it really over before it started? what happened to the could-would and all that? did you really mean it? yes, i challenge you. i challenge you to respond, to not let this go. what are you willing to do to save it 030102 ... jane there is something you should know... i don't resent you. i actually just had this revelation of thoughts...how i was so lucky to be able to spend the hours i did with you..."in the forgotten hours of the night where two and three are about interchangeable..." it's like being able to spend time with your favorite poet or author. meeting someone you admire. i'll never really understand you because i think you pride yourself in being a mystery...but i think i'm okay with that 030918 ... werewolf you're not getting off that easy 030919 ... jane i never have 030919 ... oldephebe Mon deaux that was beautiful...I tell ya I just see you guys together.. really beautiful writing jane...had my hand over my heart the whole time...it seems when i encounter the splender of someones soul this really foppish thing happens w/in me..but..yeah..again that was Sooooo beautiful... 040304 ... oE i'm smiling inwardly w/o facial effect 040304 ... jane http://www.crystalrealm.com/VB_WH_VA006Ryou_no_other.jpg 050310 ... jane ( & don't say "i told you so") 050310 ... jane (i thought about this the other day. i have this feeling that you want me to forget, but i never have. and i don't want to be dismissive with your apology, because it does mean something. but i think it was the first time i felt lied to, and there is a significance in that, no matter how much either of us wants to deny it.) 090420 ... jane i still think of this. but you already knew that. 090909 what's it to you? 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