heterosexuality Marc D I write to defend, yea to praise, the most commercially exploited sexuality in the so-called "mainstream" culture and the most viciously disrespected sexuality in the so-called "alternative" culture. I assert that male heterosexuality is just as valid a lifestyle as female and/or gay sexuality, and that male heterosexuals are just as human as women and gays. Not superior, but not inferior either. The male heterosexuality I praise is neither the crude stereotype presented by the commercial sex industry (which seeks to turn men into mindless stimulus-response machines) nor that presented by the anti-porn movement (which avers that men already are such machines). Nor is it the "mystic warrior" stereotype (often a regression to presexual YMCA/Boy Scout notions of "playing Indian"), nor the postmodern masochist (all too eager to accept self-pitiful guilt trips over other men's crimes), nor the crude sexual boasting of "macho" rappers and metalheads (all about playing dumb power games with other guys and nothing about reaching out toward a woman's heart). No, I praise the man of passion and soul, of heart and joy, of unpretentious self-confidence and mutual respect, the man who eats and drinks and makes love with a big heart, who gives his lust to a woman while receiving grace from her and vice versa. It is this passion, this yang zest for living and loving, that is obscenely absent from most manifestations of "sexual liberation" inside the "alternative" culture. Without going too far into my private affairs, I will admit that I'm still on the path toward discovering my passions and releasing my inhibitions. But at least I know now where I need to be. I need to explore the fullness of my positive male self. This does not mean becoming a mere consumer of corporate sex, which is even more life-denying and unfulfilling than corporate food or corporate entertainment. Nor does it mean the soulless "casual sex" advocated by the Hipster Chamber of Commerce types in NY, LA and especially SF. The Cyborgasm CD, hyped to death in the 'Frisco "alternative" media, is as loveless a formula product as any XXX video. And S/M can be equally life-denying. Of all the pictures in the recent local "Definitive Erotica" fetish-photo exhibit, only one held any real eroticism. It was also the only picture in which the two models appeared to like one another. Perhaps love's opposite isn't hate or even indifference but power. It's easy for some of us to see the destructive effects of power madness in the political Right. It can be harder to see it within ourselves. Power madness destroys the heart through the mind, by instilling the false but oh-so-tempting concept of Good People and Bad People (instead of average people who do good and bad things). The people (of any demographic or political stripe) who claim to be The Good People are the ones who most need to be confronted with their averageness. That's one of the things sex can teach you, that you're not one separate loner rebel but a node of the biological continuum. The devilish temptation of power is not the exclusive property of the Right. You see it in gay bars that use slogans like "Dare to be Different" then post a six-foot-long dress code inside the door. You see it in new-age "men's movement" 'zines that promote misogyny in the guise of denouncing misandry. You see it in the stifling codes of thought emanating not only from the Right (denouncing almost all sexualities) but also from the neo-Puritan Left (endorsing almost all sexualities except het-male). And yes, you see it in "radical" ideologies that brand straight men as one mass entity of cruel, idiotic woman-haters. The true heterosexual male, in my definition, doesn't hate women. He likes them, having alredy learned to like himself. He takes honest pride in abetting the life and dreams of the woman he loves. The Mahabarata said that "the mark of an efficient society is its respect for women." In olden days when life was physically tougher and women didn't get enough iron in their diet, "supporting" women meant one thing. In this age of coed workplaces and two-career couples, supporting women means helping them achieve their goals in and out of the home. Feminists and gays should invite the support of sympathetic het-males, not spread oversimplistic stereotypes against them. To engage in gender-bigotry is to tacitly, indirectly accept its use - including its use by those who would use it against you. To demand that more men behave humanely, you must first acknowledge those men who already do. And in the Age of Newt, progressive elements need all the sincere supporters they can get, right? Besides, without an acknowledgement of a positive role for male yang energy, the Left is bereft of the psychic and emotional means to take charge. It can react (passively or aggressively) against the Right's actions well enough, but it can't take proactive steps to promote any agenda of its own. Sexual love, whatever the genders of its participants, ought to be about breaking down the walls between souls, not building them up. Intimate ecstasy is the abandonment of individualistic power trips. It's the willful sacrifice of cold individualism for the sake of building something stronger. Real lovemaking, particularly real hetero lovemaking, at its most spiritual level is about discovering and connecting on every level with a life force outside and different from yourself. It's about the yang becoming enveloped by the yin; what a new-age yoga book described as "the jewel in the lotus." This is something far beyond the mechanical sex of the porn industry or the even more mechanical sex of much "alternative" erotica (e.g., the Mondo 2000 dream of one day being able to masturbate with robots - yecch!). I do not condemn the sex industry or its clientele; a starving person without access to a homecooked feast will find at least some sustenance from an Egg McMuffin. And face it, an Egg McMuffin can seem downright tasty at the right time and context. But those who always settle for the most expedient never learn to train their palates. My vision of het-male sexuality at its best is of a passion, of the Lust for Life that Van Gogh and Iggy Pop advocated in their own ways (not to mention Henry Miller or Cobain). It's a vision of blood as the life force, the elixer that feeds the soul; of the heart, the vulnerable organ within us that we don't see; of braving the risk of looking like a fool or an idiot, the risk of rejection; of intimacy; of the pain no one can see. It values sentimentality, the fulfillment of yearning through remembrance of what the heart truly feels. It values emotional equality instead of loveless sex, friendship instead of name-dropping parties to be seen at but not heard. It affirms life, instead of the surface-level soullessness that the "alternative" culture falls prey to just as badly as other subcultures in today's America. Indeed, the "hipness" defined by NY/CA is in some ways more life-denying and consumerist than a lot of "mainstream" subcultures. But that's not to say we don't have our own cultural constraints working against active love. Here in Seattle, this land of Mandatory Mellowness, this land of pale Edwardian smugness posing as "progressivism," we especially need to learn the power of positive passion, to really believe in something, to be really attached to someone, to really live. 000607 ... Straight but Not Narrow Hmm... Nicely phrased invective is still invective. That which you deride, generally fights only to preserve its own existence. That view you endorse generally seeks to eradicate it/them. Besides, the eloquence you display here does not erase the taint of belligerent intolerance that is evidenced by your argument with that person at MAYNARD. I almost expect you to start making suggestions about ovens and showers and final solutions. And when you've eradicated the homosexuals (as it seems is your ideal) Who is next? Those money-grubbing Jews who control the media? The Blacks? The Mexicans? The Native Americans who your forefathers shafted egregiously (fine upstanding heterosexuals all) Do all who don't conform to your worldview need to look over their shoulders for you? 000607 ... Grendel i think i can safely speak for the majority of the blather-ers here... we can do without the polemical debate... a closet nazi and a knee jerk liberal... in the words of the inimitable Bill the Cat: "ACK! PhHhphT! Arrgh!" May an ebola infested monkey stalk BOTH of your loved ones 000607 ... wannabe psychoanalyst language does not provide us with a proper identity: the words we use are used by other people, on television, in books, in the media. the words do not belong to us. they are alienating. even when we want to say something intimate, linked to our heart, like "I love you", we might be inhibited because we have heard so many other people say this. (lacan for beginners, darian leader and judy groves, icon books, 1995. p. 127) 000608 ... Splinken a niec place to visit, but i wouldn't want to live there. 000621 ... Splinken a nice place to visit, but i wouldn't want to live there. 000621 ... St. Thomas OQuinine arguing to establish the opressed minority status of heterosexuality is like saying the Inquisition were a bunch of crazy mixed up liberals trying to do some good. 030419 ... megan tools and slots 030419 ... heterosexual i am a girl and i want to fuck some boys. 030723 what's it to you? who go blather from