shiva i sat
you stirred
and your arms found their way around me
i turned it off and turned to you
your face buried in my chest
my forearm resting on your shoulder
my hand in your hair
everything in position

but i closed my eyes and nothing came!
so i moved the pillow
which was in the way
dropped it on the floor
and you heard it and turned away from me
silentbob LAURA
No. I was living with you, remember?
We've slept together but we haven't
made love. Not yet. But I'll tell
you one thing. The sleeping
together is better.

(trying not to smile)
The sleeping together is better but
not the sex because you haven't
done it was him yet.

night i've only ever slept with the one guy i was in love with. i've had sex with many others, but always slept seperatly (though usually in the same room). somehow, i figure that until i'm actually sleeping with someone, it won't really count. 030509
megan spoons please :) 030509
girl_jane Falling asleep surrounding by you instead of cold sheets... 030510
girl_janes_correction *surrounded 030510
littlebird i don’t know where my bones go
when the two of us lie down.
we fall together like dollops of batter,
viscous limbs merging.
elbows and hips, throats and ankles
everything fits together.
I cannot get uncomfortable

alone in my bed,
my bones worry my skin from the inside.
tender sore spots
wake me up and
roll me over.
pillow under my side, between my knees.
nothing feels right

but my skin against yours
and gone are my bones;
my flesh turns to languid taffy.
I relax
like a fist unclenching,
like a tyrant surrendering,
like a taut string loosening.
I have never slept so well.
unhinged i wish to hear your little whimperings in my ear more than anything. to open my eyes to you looking so sweetly upon me like i really was beautiful to look at. being close in sleep let so many things go unspoken that were just understood. the way your arm jerked at my acid tears; my own skin had grown resistant to them and i tried to catch them before they fell to your arms that circled me so tight. i cried because my time was ending. i cried because i knew the times that i could fall asleep to your steady breathing were very closely numbered. the way i clutched your hand and pressed it to my forehead was like a prayer. i could feel the smile on your lips when i did that. i loved to hold you and slowly rub my hands or fists up and down your back. you said i spoiled you when i did that. i loved when i let my hands wander down to your waist and you pinned me against the back of the couch with your hips. too many things between us bruised and battered from other people that we couldn't see sex as anything other than crude and animalistic. we wanted to hold each other but sometimes the conscious effort to restrain other things, the little whimpers that you blew across my eyelids, made me curse the people that came between us. our conscious effort to keep passion from turning to lust (but passion for what?) angered me sometimes but then your lips found the crook of my shouldn't feel bad dear. it isn't your fault. my bed is so empty without you. it is nice to have a living teddy bear. it is nice to wake up to adoring eyes and coffee and online chess. i clutch my pillows at night but they are a poor substitute. the way you brush my hair back from your face soothes. you do make me proud. i feel priviledged to lay next to you and feel every tenderness. i miss your warmth waking me up at night, the way our hands find each other in our strange contortions on the couch. it is hard sleeping_alone but not as hard as it used to be; now i have memories and not just wishes to keep me warm at night.

absense is making my heart grow much fonder.
onlyme i miss the nights. the warmth. the love. the long cuddles. you lying wrapped up in my smooth body. my hand across your stomach. i miss it. i enjoyed stirring you in the morning. secretly waking you up so i could tell you something. tell you my thoughts and that i loved you. if i could do it again you know i would. but you're so far away. 030512
endless desire the only way i fall asleep these nights is imagining you are there.
as you have been before.
and i look up and let my imagination run wild
but if i dont. . .
then ill lie there all through the night
wishing to hear your voice again
jane i feel safe 030517
endless desire yesterday
then you touched me the right way
and i didn't feel like sleeping any longer.
Syrope you reminded me that it could be worth it
waking up a little early so our bodies could move together like in a dream but so fulfilling

i wish i hadn't been sick and cranky, maybe my elbow wouldn't have ended up in your ear so much

tonight's going to be so lonely :(
shivers its the warmth
i miss u
sorry about the flies
gwyllynne nest 031114
Borealis smooth skin on skin
sweat mingling
the memories still send shivers
She You asked me today, out of the blue, when I had slept last. I didn't know what to say.

I stayed up on the computer until my eyes would no longer stay open. Then when I crawled in bed, I pretended like you were just taking a shower and you would lay down in a little while.

I wanted you to come lay down on your side and I would lay in the crook of your armpit, with my back against your chest. I wanted to press every inch of myself against your warm soft skin, and nestle my bottom against your junk. Grabbing your other arm and wrapping it around me and tucking it under my breast, I wanted to hear that little sigh of contentment.

I wanted you to grow hard, even if I wasn't trying to arouse you. I wanted your hands to become active, your lips to find where my neck meets my shoulder, and your warm breath to give me goosebumps. That's what I really wanted.

But that didn't happen, and I didn't say any of that.

I want you to come over and hold me until I fall asleep, after that you can leave. I'm exhausted and too scared to sleep. You always kept me safe and warm. No matter what I do, I can't sleep. Warm milk, a bath, pills. Nothing.

But I didn't say that.

Instead I tried to control the trembling of my chin and prayed that my mascara was waterproof today...

I told him the naked truth.

"The last time you were here was last tuesday, 9 days ago. I've had about 9 hours since then."

When he started to protest, I just lowered my head and told him I can not sleep_alone.
mourninglight . 041118
shiva = 0.1 millirem per year

i miss that radiation.
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