the_onion ClairE It's out of Madison, Wisconsin. That is where Beth is from. Since I met her, I have learned how the world revolves around Wisconsin. I am not being sarcastic. Do you know how many things are from Wisconsin?! (My toilet_paper is. And Garbage is from Madison.) 011219 ... oren See pop_quiz for more about Madison. 011219 ... Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge [the_onion such a flipping paper] : Wis·con·sin : wi-'skän(t)-s&n : geographical name : river 430 miles (692 kilometers) Wis·con·sin·ite: Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge ~~~central Wisconsin flowing S & W into Mississippi River~~~ Mahayana: Zakah'ite: Wisconsin : state N central U.S. capital Madison area 56,154 square miles (145,439 square kilometers), population 4,891,769 - Wis·con·sin·ite /-s&-"nIt/ - Wis·con·sin·ite [the_onion such a flipping paper] 011219 ... cube Harley-Davidson 3700 W. Juneau Avenue Milwaukee, WI 53208 (Center of the American universe) ... 011219 ... paste! schumner 011219 ... lloyd schumner Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) While no one will ever take your place in her heart, two tennis instructors, a bassist, and several of your friends have taken your place in her other areas. 020823 ... silentbob Alzheimer's Sufferers Demand Cure For Pancakes AIDS Awareness Campaign Spreads Awareness, AIDS Marijuana Linked to Sitting Around and Getting High 37 Record-Store Clerks Feared Dead In Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster ATHENS, GA--Thirty-seven record-store clerks are missing and feared dead in the aftermath of a partial roof collapse during a Yo La Tengo concert Monday.... Affluent White Man Enjoys, Causes The Blues Insane Clown Posse Gets Ride To Concert From Mom Kid Rock Starves To Death: MP3 Piracy Blamed Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-To-Door Trying To Shock People "Look at me, suburban dung," Manson told Wesley. "Does this shock you?" When Wesley replied no, he said Manson became "petulant." Recalled Wesley: "He started stamping his feet and shaking his fists, saying, 'What do you mean no? Aren't your uptight, puritanical sensibilities offended? Don't you want to censor me so you don't have to confront the ugly truth I represent?' So I say, 'Well, not particularly.' Then, after a long pause, he says, 'Well, screw you, jerk!' and walks off sulking." Ant Farm Teaches Children About Toil, Death Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids Parents' Record Collection Deemed Hilarious Holy Fucking Shit Says Nation A shattered Nation Longs To Care About Stupid Bullshit Again Aging Pope 'Just Blessing Everything In Sight,' Say Concerned Handlers Christ Converts To Islam "I was wrong, and I know that now," He added. "I deeply regret any problems or confusion I may have caused." Neither the Father nor the Holy Ghost could be reached for comment. Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven In Abortion-Clinic Attack "Abortion is a sin," said Christ as He was led away in handcuffs. "It is an abomination in the eyes of Me." God Angrily Clarifies "DONT KILL" rule "I'm talking to all of you, here!" continued God, His voice rising to a shout. "Do you hear Me? I don't want you to kill anybody. I'm against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don't kill each other anymore—ever! I'm fucking serious!" Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept. God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boy: 'No,' Says God God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz God Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell: 'We Expected Eternal Paradise For This,' Say Suicide Bombers Lord Under Investigation For Failure To Provide Pope Forgives Molested Children 021010 ... kingsuperspecial that shit cracks me up. Area Mofo Announces plans to Chill Night club Damaged In Roof Burning Incident 021010 ... kss I wanted to write for them, and the were like 'fuck you, punkass'. so I just write these on my own. I posted a couple on blather a couple months back. Everyone should try it, and then someone can come along and steal our un-copyrighted material. see not_quite_news 021010 ... paste! true dat homeslices, theonion is mighty holy New York is one of a number of U.S. cities considering a ban on smoking in restaurants and bars. What do you think? "I can't stand cigarette smoke, but no one seems to care down at the Drink & Smoke & Drink & Smoke Tavern." --Tom Epstein Actor Sleeping Dom DeLuise Unaware Face Being Tickled By Lion's Tail least healthy fast-food items 2. pizza hut vodka lover's pizza 4. taco bell lardito 5. arby's horseslaw 6. kfc "just the skin" chicken sandwich 021010 ... Blake http://www.theonion.com/onion3112/mexicancopy.html http://www.theonion.com/onion3123/hawkingexo.html Are my two favourates. The tips are usually the best ones, its a shame they're not archived. Keeping cool in summer: Try sealing all your doors and windows and filling your home with refreshing Lipton ice tea. Pet care: Always stroke with the grain of your pet's hair. Never try to sroke across the surface of the animal Camping tips: Beware of snakes. Those little fuckers have NO LEGS! Home improvement tips: Learn a bunch of stock phrases such as 'damn it all to hell' and 'jesus fuck! there goes my hand!' Nike To Cease Manufacturing Products: 'From Now On, We'll Focus On Just Making Ads,' Says CEO We Can Put A Man On The Moon, But We Can't Make Killer Robot Police? Antique Dealer Sick Of Appraising Smurf Collections Chess Supercomputer Beaten Up By More Popular Computer Cop Kills Own Partner, Vows to Track Self Down 021010 ... Blake You left out the funniest two - McDonalds' biscuit with egg, cheese, sausage, eggg, cheese, sausage. and Wendy's char grilled styrofaom carton. 021010 ... me rings. is blind. makes my eyes water. is tearful. grows in the ground. is in my garden. is delicious. is in my mouth. is on my sandwich. makes my breath stink. 030120 ... tourist Layer upon Translucent Layer Wraped Lovingly around one another Holding safe The Light of Life Pungent yet Sweet Lieing Entombed in the fertile Soil Awaiting the Warmth of Spring days To Divide from within And Thrust aside the outer Layers Brown and Brittle Reaching Skyward the tender Green Shoots Perhaps To Flower Before fading again 030120 ... ever dumbening .:impeach bush:. McDonald's unveiled the new five-patty McCrazy Burger Tuesday ... "We promise you'll go crazy from the delicious taste of 100 percent pure beef, and not from bovine spongiform encephalopathy!" 040116 what's it to you? who go blather from