alzheimer's sameolme Today, like everyday, is defined by it's stress level. I take care of a small child who is my mother. Tonight everything is ok, and we're watching the Wizard of Oz. At this moment Dorothy bends the nail down and the scarecrow falls to the ground. No nap today so she might sleep most of the night, I might sleep. 061121 ... sameolme We're in a losing battle, I know, but I'm in it with you untill the end. I don't care if you forget who I am. I am here, and I'm fighting for you. I can't help but fight. So, let's kick butt while we can! 061205 ... sameolme This is ironic for a former pothead: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=15728830 The potential seems high enough (no pun) that it would be negligent not to try it. 061224 ... sameolme It's been a year now. A very hard year. I brought her to an adult daycare center yesterday, she had fun, everybody had Alz, they were drawn to each other like toddlers. Every week a little more is lost. She no longer cooks, or does launry, she stopped reading novels, the last one that she could enjoy was Charlettes(sp?) Web. Why am I writing this here? Because I'm as isolated as I've ever been. All of my effort goes to making each day workable for her, I have no other life. She can still play the piano, she enjoys life, but it's a house of cards that I see blowing away in slow motion. It hurts. 070329 ... sameolme I put on a CD of waltzes, it's a windy and bright day, she looked out the front window and exclaimed: "Look the trees are dancing to the music!" 070329 ... . oh sounds nice. 070329 ... sameolme I've blathed under this word a lot, but always end up with nevermind. All of my words are too small and the sorrow of life too real. 071103 ... sameolme Caffeine to the rescue! She was lethargic much of the day. The simple activities of daily life were becoming too much. She didn't have the energy to get up and go to the bathroom. She doesn't drink coffee, black tea or soda. I bought pure caffeine and added it to her breakfast cereal milk. It is a wonder drug! We might even go out after her shower! I am so often on the edge of despair when some simple solution appears. Thank you, universe! 071215 ... sameolme Being my mother's father has changed me. I'm almost constantly anxious and I never was in the past. I was kind of laid back. I've also developed depths of patience and kindness that were impossible for me in the past. It is strange how caring and anxiety become so closely intertwined. She is now much like a small child. She loves to play and can stubborn as a mule. 081204 ... Traveller Same, I hope you know that you have and are doing a couragess (sp?) sacrifice. Keep your heart together my man, keep it when you remember her. I know that even words cannot transpose this sliding hurt and confusion you feel. Please know that although us blatherskites are separated by space, we are not too distant to be people reading and hoping for you and yours, and reading the reality. My great Grandmother sid into oblivion, gradually, saddenly for those who loved her. We all want to keep people in our memories and heart, so much so that we will do anything to make our fear retreat. All we can do is care for them, try to reach an absolute steady state with them, and learn to accept that humans are here, remember, and travel forward. Please hear and continue. 081204 ... ergo Yesterday I took my 90 year old mother to see a new neurologist. As I drove up I noticed the many "pro life" demonstrators. As I got her out of the car, the demonstrators were all staring at us and I began to wonder why they would be demonstrating at a neurology clinic. When we got inside a woman asked us if she could help us. We were in the wrong building. I brought my mother to an abortion clinic! 090110 ... hsg "I brought my mother to an abortion clinic" darwin_award? 090111 ... ergo Well, I was hoping to get one, but they turned me down. Some technicality I think. 090112 ... ergo Her decline is accelerating rapidly now. I have to spoon feed her and my hands have started shaking. She rarely speaks sensibly and needs guidance on how to sit down in a chair. I have to discover new levels of strength and patience. Emotionally she's ok, but I'm not so sure about me. 090910 ... ergo It's almost time to let her go, I will be able. She has been wonderful, always doing "the best I can". 091218 ... () ( see: http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/ ) 091218 ... ergo thank you 091218 ... () () 091221 ... ergo As my mother gave birth to and raised me so am I nurturing her toward death. On our way into this world we were not pitied for our lack of abilities, it is assumed that we will grow. The mirror of dementia at the end of life does not have to be a mirror of suffering. As her brain has been dying I've come to see that mom isn't her brain. It has always been Edie who loses capabilities, her who is losing her brain. Mind is as as much a brain as Heart is a large muscle. By simply not buying into grim views and accepting her for who she is now, life continues to be an adventure for both of us. May Cheshire blessings smile on Edie and everybody. 100904 ... ergo It is our naturally parochial view of time that brings sadness. 100904 ... . Edie died 3 years ago today. 141225 what's it to you? who go blather from