the_friend_fallacy
unhinged the fiction of reducing an intimate relationship to a platonic one


are you really truly friends? why does it bother her when the dog comes back to her smelling like me? why does she feel the need to pick at what you're wearing? why do you let her push your buttons?
140425
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unhinged friends dont make each_other that angry 140601
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flowerock unfortunately this seems to be the case. I try to br friends but it's an akward kind of one sided effort. I try too hard and they are polite or silent in response. I remember years ago I hung out with my first ex and it was fine and normal until he kissed me and it was sweet and we kissed some more, but then he cried, "I don't have you anymore, we might never do this again... our story is ending" it was one of the first times I felt my heart break for someone else's heartbreak. I didn't know how to help him, hugging caused more pain, I felt so horrible that I was causing hos pain and could only help by leaving, again. we are friends still, in that we chat on facebook sometimes and care to be in touch, but even that took years... we broke up ... 10? years ago. I have also felt that kind of jealousy. the example of the dog smelling of a past lover... It would bother me even though I wouldn't want it to. My insecurities get the best of me and then i see that I have set a double standard. 140602
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unhinged everytime we tried to talk about it, her, them, he would get upset. she was obviously upset that their dog smelled like me. they are not done with each_other. all the pretending and marrying other people hasnt changed that. i dont tell people what to do, but i do know when its time for me to walk away. 140603
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unhinged i hate the distance growing between us
i want to sleep in the same bed with you


i like my space


the fact that i managed to fall in_love with a frat boy when i wasnt looking means labels dont fit the situation

i_miss_you
140604
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unhinged offering to do things for people, especially when they are repeatedly telling you no, doesn't make you a good friend

pushing your needs and wants on people when they tell you they want to be alone doesn't make you a good friend


telling someone you have 'feelings' for them right after they began a painful breakup with someone else and then telling them you dont want to hear about said breakup does not make you a good friend


sometimes people need to be heard without having to listen. giving unwanted advice forces the other person to listen.

telling someone it will be ok when in fact there is no evidence to support that and then telling them they are being dramatic when they disagree does not make you a good friend
140629
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flowerock truth.
be_like_water

emotionally_available
140629
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unhinged hes in town with his band again. he is having drama with his girlfriend cause they have a chick bass player now.

(really?! so im single because i dont act like a jealous psycho cunt. funny how that works)

they are sleeping on the floor of my apartment. like back in our day. i miss those days, even though on some level they were torture. those days that stopped with the last psycho he dated.

i miss those days







i am tired of grey areas
140713
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flowerock comfusing. the chick bass player is an issue but not the ex girlfriend(you)? awkward. 140713
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unhinged oh i am an issue for her too even though we never technically dated

maybe he gets off on the jealousy
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nr YOU were the one who said you wanted to stay close and be friends.

YOU are the one who is always like "of course you can tell me/ask me that; you can always tell/ask me anything!" and "let me know if you need a place to crash!" and trying to be the first to wish me a happy birthday, like we're naturally BFFs or something and it's weird that i'd think maybe things may be a bit weird because we're exes? maybe may be maybe?

but today i decided to try it, because i'm in your city again and it was kind of just convenient at the time, and it started out really well. we bantered and joked around like we always had, and it felt natural, and it was nice because i always thought you were fun to hang out with and talk to, and that's the part i've missed the most. but then later on you did a bit of a 180 and got more aloof and unresponsive. not rude, but just... distanced.

i keep trying different ways to let you go, but you're not helping. i don't know if i'll ever understand people.
190527
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nr usually the dumper says "let's be friends" but doesn't actually make an effort to be friends. i don't understand this back-and-forth thing, and wish people knew what the fuck they wanted, or at least didn't take it out on others when they don't. 190527
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unhinged this is a fallacy precisely because once you fuck a person, no matter how amicable your relationship may seem on the surface, the fact of the matter is no one wants to know their ex is fucking someone else. some are better than others at hiding the jealousy, but if we are honest with ourselves there is always jealousy there.


'lets be friends' is just as superficial as the concept of friends can be in the facebook age. i have been on both sides of the issue (albeit usually on the dumped side) and wounds don't heal when we pretend like intimate relationships can be shoved back into a platonic box. i refuse to indulge in this even now in the face of losing a dear companion in the face of the rest of my life exploding.

i prefer to tear_that_bandaid_off_quick
or something
190527
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nr we tried it again today for real, and it was good, i guess. it was more genuine, for sure, and comfortable, but we still didn't really get into in-depth topics. though we learned new things about each other, which made me wonder how much we'd ever really shared.

i didn't feel like i wanted to get back together with you (though i kind of did want something in the cuddling family), which was a relief. it was great that we could hang out without that feeling. but the sadness comes in the realizing that you're a different person a bit. or at least, it's a different side of you that you're letting me access more on the platonic and detached, and less on the affectionate and vulnerable. i won't likely ever see that version of you again. which i suppose is a healthy thing, but it still feels like a loss.
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nr it was your birthday today, and i wished you a happy birthday and you were distant. i think you'll always be confused/confusing/indirect.

it can probably only ever be a fallacy.
190721
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unhinged maybe she doesn't have anything to do with your orgasms. maybe the fact that you aren't on opiates or an excess of benzos is why you actually come better now than when we were fucking...fucking asshole 200110
what's it to you?
who go
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