talking_to_myself Norm When I was like 6 I used to talk to myself all the time. I can't remember the type of things I said but I remember everyone always telling me to stop talking to myself. 011013 ... billy idol cool! i used to dance with myself. 011013 ... kelli crane I'm talking to myself and nobody's home. 020115 ... unhinged everywhere on my way to class on my way from class when i'm sitting on the toilet when i watch you mumbling damn i loved you once 020115 ... silentbob I consider it soliloquy 020116 ... Arwyn all day long... 020117 ... (self-conscious) cube As occasionally happens when i find myself working in a very noisy environment and when i know nobody's watching... ³ 020118 ... he might be looking god, i don't know if i can do this... supposed to do coffee with the ex tonight, it's been a month and by all reasoning we should be able to do this really well, i don't want him back, not now, but i can barely stand to happen across pictures of him, i feel punched in the gut, i feel a hole, not something missing but just darkness, like a censored sticker... i don't know if i can, i've got this scarlet flame that i chase like a will-o-wisp, and maybe i have avoided dealing with this whole thing, staring it in the face right now it certainly scares me, moves me in ways that do not seem familiar... i don't know if i can do this, the endlessly fearless wants to run, hide, sing songs to myself and hunt for herbs, leave any reminder of this terror behind... i need to finish rebecoming, i need to sever the last, before i can meet him on proper terms, and the instrument of that severing is a constantly shifting concept just out of grasp, a hunt like wile e. coyote, so near but not yet there, always inches or moments the unbreakable glycerine wall... i can't do this, i'm terrified... i can't do this, i'm not ready... i can't do this, i am not who i should be... 030904 ... maharey its the best thing ever. you dont winge back, your always right, and the topic your talking about is never boring cause u came up with it in the first place. 040201 ... u24 isth *sigh* I always talk, but I never answer. Don't I like me? est 040201 ... no reason is what i've resorted to today 040201 ... phil schizophrenia 040521 ... pete i like to think of it as pronouncing my internal dialogue 040521 ... _alone & lost_ I talk to myslef all the tyme... especially when i feel lonely, and have no one else to talk to (always)... no one seems to entirely understand me... even I don't really understand myself. So I guess that's a lot to ask from a person: to understand me. Talking to myself helps to ease the pain when I'm about to blow up. But sometimes it scares people. Humming, mumbling, and talking to myself. I guess I can see why it scares them, but they should also at least try to understand why I have to do it... I would explode if i didn't. Talking to myself...i guess... to try to understand myself. 040521 ... Borealis to the skies to the walls to the carpets to the cats to the memories to the visions and dreams floating amidst my mind out of sight just out of sight I lay alone today on my bed.. around five in the evening, no desire to start looking for dinner, made a few calls, was greeted with answering machines. I loved my solitude once upon a time... a very long time ago... until you broke that solitude, and stood beside me. and now...alone once again...nothing quite feels right again. 040709 ... monee typing to myself 041213 ... anne-girl i was talking to myself at the bus stop the other day, until I realised there was someone else there oops 041213 ... nom) in the cemetery 050811 ... TK When "bad" things happen and no ones around to hear me, I say things like: "It’s not his fault, he doesn’t know any better.. But That Doesn’t Make It Right!" Or "Your okay, everything’s going to be okay" (over and over again until I believe myself) Or "You know your right, hell He knows your right, but like hell if I feel like arguing over something I already know I'm obviously right about" Or "Shit happens, it's not your fault, regardless of what any one says, it's not your fault, they just don’t like to place blame on themselves, so their (WRONGFULLY) blaming you, it's not your fault" Or any other numerous things along those lines. 050811 ... three words talking_to_myself to_destruction don't_bother 061002 ... Floptolemy "I haven't talked to myself for years." What?!? Did you have a falling out with yourself, or something? Only crazy_people don't_talk to themselves! 061003 ... superleni sometimes i'm the only one who understands me 061003 ... Christ without the cross i like to pretend i'm talking to God. I like to think that it's him listening. Its my version of prayer. 061004 ... kAT iN tHE hAT ah, man... fuck complications & overwrought machinations don't baroque the sweet & simple we live but once (if we're lucky) sample the special swallow by spoonfuls swim in the sensual who's this meek timid fucker who keeps yammering his "yes, buts" in my inner ear? i heard you, man the first 1000 times now shut up & take the ride fuck seatbelts trust the wind throw your hands in the air & scream w/joy & don't act like you didn't buy the ticket, cuz you totally did and you totally would again & again & again if you could... 090810 ... In_Bloom I am not wrong I am not alone in this Damn I need some sleep I don't want to sleep though I'm being tested, shite... It's okay, I can handle this with flying colors I am not the greedy I am not the inpatient I am not the second guesser Oh wait, I am I really am! Stop- write- don't send I will keep playing I'm going to win I'm going to win for two though, not just me Push you to push me Who's really leading? It doesn't matter as long as we pass through the nausea and heart racings without imploding Wow, I said to choose I said it aloud I heard you say something back My chest feels like it's splitting open but I refuse to move aside from a smile I swallow my thoughts so they don't get loose Not yet, I'm not going to say just yet I'm glad I tell you to shh and not say words I'm glad I keep telling you to smile and make actions instead I'm in this to win it, yeah You're so tough though, you're a superstar closer and I'm just a top 5 contender It's okay, I'm using it to my advantage to keep you guessing until you feel you're sure Very sure Then I'll let you speak 090810 ... In_Bloom It happened one night With a stupid grin on my face Out stumbled some words Mumbled and rubbed over with sweat But in the light of the next day You did not forget You made me say them clear Past my lips and into the air Done Crumbled No where left to move I have been naked, inside out since then Some days you smile and other days you laugh at my expense and there's not a thing to be done No face to save The heart too defiant to be shoved back down So I talk to myself Scolding in vain, reaching For a bit of something when I wanted so tenderly, so patiently at first The Everything 091118 ... unhinged especially when i'm on the toilet 091118 what's it to you? who go blather from