blurring_the_edges_22_when_it_rains birdmad The big Velntine's plan disintegrates like cotton candy in a downpourand you are left shakig your head. Without sounding too obviously wounded or letting the big tsunami of your jealousies creep into your tone, you manage to persuade Elena to go out with yu and catch a little concert at one of the clubs just off the downtown area. Trying to recapture another bit of memory of some of the better, more playfu times you've shared, you talk her into going to an early dinner with you before the show by stopping at Black Orchid, the little japanese-fast-food/sushi bar next to the main library. You realize, suddenly, that it was here, during all those Thursday afternoon stops at Black Orchid before study sessions at the library that you fell in love with her. More than anything, you remember how she suddenly evolved into someone more valued to you than just a friend while you were both laughing and you were trying to catch your breath from your first brush with the mind-bendingly potent substance known as wasabi. "Oh cool!" Elena, enthusiasticaly says to the idea, "I haven't been back there since the last time me and you went after school." You take her enthusiasm over the whole thing as an encouraguing sign, you'll have to make your move without the benefit of the big sweeping gestures you had lined up for next week, as you were unable to get a reservation for either Verdi's or Palazzo this weekend and lack the funding it would take to make all the necessary bribes again. When you cance;ed last week, the chef called you up and said that they gavwe your window seats to a nice old couple celebrating their anniversary. "Cool, man, i was gonna tell you to use my arrangememts for another couple, i'm glad you did." "No problem, and you'll be happy to know, they enjoyed every bit of it, too." "Nice," "One thing though," he tells you. "since they were non-drinkers, they passed up the wine idea, so if you want, you can come by and pick up the three bills you put up for the Rothschild '72." "Hey, cool." "She must really be something to you if you were willing to go all out like that, buddy." "Yeah, Carlo, she is, she really is." Wehn you go to pick her up, her two i'll tempered chows show up and give you a confused look, at first reacting to the smell of you and then stopping as if yours was not the face they were expecting to see. This time they don't keep snarling, but give up and go back to the shadows they were lurking in, giving you their tails as a sign that they are not concerned with you except for the curious faint trace of cat that clings to you from one of your kittens deciding to taka nice long nap on top of the ironing board. (You laugh inwardly to yourself at the sounds the furry little dipshit was making when he realized that while he had somehow managed to get himself up on the ironing board, he could not figure out a plan to get himself down, you came back into your room to do your ironing and found little Spot sitting on the tip of the board looking over the edge and giving out a series of desperate "MEW! MEW! MEWWW!" cries which if he carried his own subtitles would have more likely read "HEY, GET ME THE HELL DOWN FROM HERE NOW OR I'LL PISS ALL OVER EVERYTHING, PLEASE!!!" You're in black jeans with your black patent oxfords doen up in a high shine and your red silk shirt with black undershirt, Elena comes down the hall wearing the black off the shoulder blouse again and a black skirt that stops just a little above her knees. As if to riff on the fact that you're going to stop at a place she hasn't been with yu since high-school ended, she is wearing the shoes she used to wear as part of her uniform, a pair of black mary-janes like the kind a little girl might wear with an easter dress and a pair of little white socks that stop at the lowest part of her ankles. Trying not to be too obvious, you eye her up and down for a moment and think that this outfit almost looks like a slightly sexified re-visiting of the way she used to dress for school. Of this, it can be reasonably assumed that you have no complaints. When you get to Black Orchid, you are lucky enough to get one of the few trables in the place, it is still just mid-afternoon, but they close easrly on weekends since the center of this city still is no hotbed of activity compared to other places in the world, or even other parts of the Valley. It comes as a pleasant shock to discover that somewhere between the last time you were here with her and now that she has learned to use a pair of chopsticks as well as if she had ben born to it. "Remember, Alex, it's NOT avocado," Elena teases you as you mix a splash of soy sauce into your wasabi and dab a bit of the mixture on your tuna nigiri. "Comedian," you tell her, giving her a mock dirty look which just makes her smile. You are glad that the view you have from this place, while not particularly spectacular, romantic, or even generally scenic, doesn't look out ofver the weird, sprawling construction project going on all seemingly all around you. The waist-high wall outside spares you the view of the cut-up stretch of Central Avenue and you can see the sun beginning it's downward arc to the west. It seems like the perfect time to tell her, you think to yourself on one hand, on the other hand, you want to wait until th evening is almost out and let your revelation be the punctuation mark to wht is already turning out to be a good night out. When you make your way to the crowded, crapmped show of a couple of local bands over at The Jar, you get in and cheer on the emmbers of the opening act who were also school buddies. When the show is over, they remark what a cute couple the two of you make, but neither of you rushes to confirm or deny the assumption. You want to, but you'd rather tell her about it first before announcing it to somebody without being sure she feels the same way. You know, Alex, maybe, just maybe if you hadn't been such a chickenshit and told her like maybe a million other times you've had the chance, you wouldn't have to worry about Orlando, you might not have .et yourself fall into any of the other weird situations you have gotten yourself involced in. Sure, Murphy's Law seems to be the only law besides gravity that manages to catch up with you lately, but damn, dude. Now you just don't know at all. After a couple of clandestine beers and a little more catching up with Tracy, Scott and Kevin, You and Elena agree that it is time to go, as the headline act turns out to be a really cheesy atrocious hair-metal band that makes Poison or Bon Jovi look downright tough and gritty by comparison. As you are driving her home, you stop by Thunderbird Park, which for some reason is open at this hour. It's Eleven PM and it isn't until you get parked that you can se people with telescopes looking up at the stars. Well, isn't this just a nice little bit of serendipity, eh? The stargazers invite the two of you to join them, apparently trading views and moving around from scope to scope. Away from the crowd, yu ask Elena to come sit with you at one of the tables at the outer edge of the big ramada. Here it is, no going back, no backing out, just say what you have to say, man. "I need to tell you something, Elena." "Sure, what's on your mind?" "I've been trying to tell you for a long time now, but i keep tripping over it everytime i'm about to. Elena," you pause, "I love you." "I...I'm sorry, Alex, i've kind of known for awhile, and maybe i should have told you sooner, but really, even for all the crazienss thathim and i go through when he comes around, i still love Orlando. Besides, i'm moving back with my parents in San Jose to finish school over there after the summer." "I should have guessed," you say, reeling nd literally dizzy as if you had just stepped off a playground merry-go-round being pushed by speed freaks. You both head back to the car and there are just quizzical glances but no words exchanged except for "Goodnight" as she walks through her door. 030424 ... x you;'re doomed 030424 ... birdmad *ducks the lobbed produce* 030424 what's it to you? who go blather from