anal_fissure_diary peeling flaking cracking mortal Funny, a site said "most patients will remember the exact bowel movement when the pain started" and that's quite right. I remember squeezing, gritting my teeth, and gasping in pain. That hardly ever happens. I usually pride myself for having such nice bowel movements; my meat-eating friends are always eating bran cereal. Anyway, it was sharp. It was horrible. I forgot about it quickly. I didn't think anything was really wrong - just some rough poop - until later - perhaps a few days later - when I felt an unfamiliar bump on my anus, a flap of skin. It turns out that it's one end of the fissure, maybe a skin tag, maybe something else, I don't know, I haven't seen a doctor, just a search engine. Then I noticed some stool had a small streak of blood in it, fast forward a few days, I guess I might have been touching it too much, but I was worried and wanted to assess it...I always pick at myself. It's weird. So now there's a lot of blood in the toilet when I defecate. It doesn't startle me because it's nothing menstruation hasn't acclimatized me to, but it still looks awful, knowing it's from my rectum. Pure red blood on the toilet paper. Reassuring, no poop in the blood, less chance of infection. I've been careful. You're going to tell me to see a doctor and I will, eventually. If I can't get rid of this first with a high-fiber diet and stool softener and baths and creams, like all the sites say. Give it time to heal, break the cycle of heal-rupture-heal-rupture. Reassured that all the sites say the cause is hard stool, not anal sex. I don't want to go to the doctor and say, I have an anal fissure, and I also wanted to discuss birth control. I'm not ashamed of anal sex, but I don't want to tell people who are. Although my area is the gayest place in the world and I'm sure the doctors don't really think about it. But I don't look like the stereotype of a girl who has anal sex. So I'm glad fissures aren't associated with it. 061025 ... peeling flaking cracking mortal Okay, but when I do see a doctor, about the fissure or birth control or whatever, I am going to casually bring up this vaginal discharge, because it's getting ridiculous buying new underwear every two weeks. I know it's not a yeast infection because I did the pill regimen thing and it didn't stop. It comes from poor hygiene from the last eight million years, and it comes from me being very weird, mentally, and it comes from what comes around coming around. At least it has stopped smelling like bread like it did for a few days...maybe that's what the pills cured. I have so many disgusting things wrong with me that I'm worried it'll turn out that they're all related and I have cancer or something. When I cough, my fissure hurts, but that's because of the recent bowel movement. The thing is that I have this weird fascination with seeing the blood, and picking at things, and sometimes I think I'd be disappointed if it was cured or whatever, because it's so absorbing. Not the discharge, but the fissure, and sometimes acne, and dandruff, and that weird pimple that occasionally forms inside one of the ridges in my ear and pops with the most amazing tiny tearing "splut" sound, and the tiny bumps that sometimes form on the inside of my eyelid when I have a cold and disappear if I rub a towel against them hard and they wipe off... It probably disgusts you, but does it also kind of entice you? Like sometimes I want to keep and collect these things; like the hard inside of pimples or whatever, and that's freaky, and compulsive or whatever the terminology is, but sometimes I want to. And sort of do. What makes a person this way? 061025 ... wretch that i am i keep the calluses on my feet after i cut them off with scissors, sometimes i even chew them off and spit them out. i'm not sure what the hell makes a person like that, i like to think that maybe most people are like that but rarely talk about it because it sounds like such an odd behaviour. maybe it's completely normal.. do go see a doctor, what you describe sounds like the start of hemorrhoids. i know a person who has them and they say going to the toilet sucks. and what does a girl who has anal sex looks like that differs her from other girls? 061025 ... . they have great big wide ass holes, that's what's different 061026 ... peeling flaking cracking mortal I've been very diligent with not touching it. Soft washing with lemony soap in the shower that kind of thing. Eating carefully so that my stool is softer, with some success. I didn't defecate for a whole day and night, and the next morning when I went, I sat upright and didn't push it out. I let it take its time and breathed evenly. And lo and behold, no blood in the bowl or on the toilet paper! I'm worried about having a hard stool and ruining my progress. The swelling has gone down. I'll eat more oatmeal which is higher in fibre. It's funny but I'm really missing that strange cyst in my ear. It was horrible and wonderful to touch. I also clipped my toenails, not right after a shower when you're supposed to, but late in the day when they were all hard and dry. They cracked away audibly. It felt neat. I liked touching the little crescents, bending them and seeing them flake. Now that this cold is over, I feel less like a mucous machine, which is a good thing. I am not a Kleenex person and I don't know why. I don't want to put it in something soft. Girls who like anal sex are supposed to look kinky or maybe Latina, I don't know. My stereotypes need a service pack. I'm commando and because of the discharge, when I move, there's a crusty kind of feeling, which I kind of like. I like texture. What is the relationship between obsessive-compulsive people and texture? I don't mean me, I'm just curious. I keep touching my ear. I don't like that these things are painful, but I really just want to see them pop, it's \so satisfying. I used to have dreams that there were bulbous tube-shaped things under my skin - like giant inside-pimples - that I could squeeze out, kind of like those Play-Do toys where you crank the putty through. When I was a kid and went to the beach I'd pick at the sand in my hair for hours afterwards. People asked me why and I said I hated it, and they said I could just shower, and I said I couldn't stand to wait, and they said Oh I Know, It Feels Gross. But really...I loved it. And, like most kids, lice checks, but that may have been a fearful adrenaline rush as well. O what shivery delights! 061027 ... understandable oddly enough i just went through this same situation. but the fissure went away within a few days, i tried not to do anything to upset such a situation becuase the last place i wanted to end up was on my side on an examining table. perhaps this uncontrollable urge to pop pimples peel scabs squeeze blackheads is a form of OCD, this ugre for everything to be smooth when the only accomplishment i acheive are scars on my face. 061028 ... peeling flaking cracking mortal I thought it was gone. Without even a particularly hard stool, it was back. And then today, a soft movement, nothing on the toilet paper but some blood. I'd better fix up my diet again. I slacked off. Doesn't hurt sharply, I'd better remember to be gentle. My ears lately have been quite dry around the lobes and I don't mind picking the skin off. 061202 what's it to you? who go blather from