phil Half zonked out listening to some eminem CD it suddenly occured to me, like some primordial goo bubble on a vast heated basin of tar.
This is fucking boring.
Picking up my slack I tied my shoes by pulling one lace over the other and fumbling them together like some blotched eskimo. I wandered blankly down a cold white corridor of the dormitory. Boarding the elevator more or less for the thrill.
Bumbled out into the airy lobby, for lack of anything else to do, and found myself alone, passed only by a walking pride of scoundrels, boasterously preserving a sense of dominence in the lobby.
I followed them out in to the lawn, or the courtyard of 4 similar buildings to the one I was in.
Ready to murder them all.
Even though one building was completely different, a cafeteria, it still looked basically the same as the three others.
They went into this lunch room, which was fine by me, I hadn't eaten yet and it would be good to get that out of the way.
We stood in line and I slowly let the distance between grow as cutters moved ahead of me in line.
I felt observed, naked. As if any one moment someone could pop out questioning me without any way of answering.
Thankfully I hadn't made those sort of aquaintances.
The lunch lady showed obsolutely 0 concern for either who I was what I was doing how I felt about it, which was a little unsettling. The mob around me was best left obediently following the routine of consumption.
The line, I had to keep moving in a semi orderly fashion to keep in my bubble.
Every distraction seemed to correlate with an intense dream I was having.
Every person was a question, an unknown source of reactive behavior I would undoubtedly find most unappealing, as learned from historical gatherings. The responses would be methodical, simply to put you back to doing the business at hand, which was taking the food. I was finding the decision of what to eat much more time consuming this day, so I chose simply and quickly, and took more than I knew I would eat.
Further decisions, once I was seated were avoided. And I sat totally alone, trying not to observe anyone with a hint of interest. No one there interested me anyways.
This would be the last time I ate at the cafeteria. The whole thing was devoid, the windows showing the tops of young trees and the side of those similar buildings. This is where we were enrolled and took placement exams, the place was getting very tiring.
I don't remember which they were, but classes where definetly skipped that day, and would continue to be so, until I decided it was time to start giving half a fuck about any of this, and that never happened.
I guess I truly should have dropped my classes that day, but the whole thing seemed to slip off in one easy motion. The teachers really shouldn't have been bitches about it anyways, they knew I wasn't coming back.

I played basketball, talked to pretty women and played volleyball with fun people.
I avoided the crowds and skated out to buy cigarettes and occasionaly hunt down some food.
I really didn't start doing anything intelligent, and spent free time sitting around in a mad state of depression and regret for knowing places I can only get a glimpse of.
I just needed to be where I understood myself, regarded well.
There were places where I bloomed, in the fields I never played as a child.
The things I was never told to fight for.
The world that never seemed for me.
what's it to you?
who go