ask_the_fuckwit kingsuperspecial hello, friends! Since I've recently had an epiphany when god spake and told me the world is counting on me to be a fuckwit, I though I'd offer my remarkable talent (or lack of same) as a service. How many times do wonder what a fuckwit would have to say about something? perhaps you need help misspelling a word, or dropping a big peice of firewood on your foot, or help writing text for the marketing collateral for a certain un-named pet footware product? just ask_the_fuckwit, and I'll try my best to bollocks it up for you! (a) humblyinyourservice 010616 ... irritated blatherskite being the fuckwit that you are, you might be the very person I need to speak with. you see, there's this horribly annoying fuckwit that doesn't know when to shut up. how, in your infinite lack of wisdom, would you suggest someone might go about stopping a fuckwit from talking (typing, blathing, whatever you wish to call it)? it would be much appreciated if the method was legal. murder in any form might be a bit more than I am willing to risk. 010616 ... squishy the dog (whimpering in fear) 010616 ... irritated blatherskite (cackling in evil amusement...but growing impatient for a response) 010616 ... squishy the dog woof. wooooof woof woof. it would seem the kingy has either stepped out, suffered some sort of coronary attack or is busy preparing a very lengthy rejoinder. 010616 ... florescent light do I like you or do I hate you? 010616 ... god should i put baby satan in charge of the universe? i'm going to milwaukee for five weeks, and i'm gonna be hard to reach. 010616 ... nocturnal well, this universe sure was nice while it lasted. 010616 ... baby satan i don't know what the fuckwit thinks, but whatever you decide is fine with me, god. i'm flattered you've considered me as a temporary stand-in. 010616 ... nocturnal I, on the other hand, am terrified. 010616 ... god let's see what the fuckwit says 010616 ... kingsuperspecial sorry for the delay, kiddies. I was struggling over how to respond and not irritate our more sensitive viewers, who feel there is some need to regulate the amount of content certain people submit to this public experiment. As a fuckwit, I'm obviously incapable of deciding what is appropriate, so if someone should be so kind as to draw up a schedule and some rules for us to all strictly follow, I’m sure things will be much more fun and maybe that will help people to relax and mind their own fucking business. now...having me decide about baby satan ruling the universe while god is on holiday is a bit dicey. You see, I've enlisted myself into baby satan’s posse, so to some degree there would be fuckwit behind the scenes of running the universe. I do, however, have an emense amount of respect for baby satan, because he’s never afraid to speak his mind using his own name, rather than some made up name used only for bashing on fellow blather participants. Considering this display of integrity, I’d have no problem with him being in change while god is away. God, will you be checking your messages, just in case? For fluorescentlight, I really can’t answer that for you, because you are your own person and need to trust your own judgment. I would ask that you accept me for who I am, but I know some people just can’t stand the idea that people might not be just how they want them. Hopefully, liking me or hating me, we can go on sharing words in a respectful way, or maybe sit down and have a laugh over a 40 of Mickey’s some time. To the irritated blatherskite – the only advise I can offer is that you ignore the fuckwit, since you don’t seem capable of filtering the fuckwit’s content or trying to appreciate the fuckwits form of personal expression, the only advise I can offer is that you ignore the fuckwit. Apart from burning some storage space out there in cyberspace, most fuckwits are not harming anyone, and generally act with respect to others, unless maybe they’ve had a bit too much bourbon. I’d also recommend staying away from any books, movies, art, restaurants, poetry, or songs that may not agree with your particular tastes, because you’ll find yourself equally frustrated. Bottom line – if you don’t like it, don’t go there. . What else? 010617 ... Sol dear mr fuckwit, I have recently become increasingly frustrated by the high rate of exam incidents in my life, although i am appreciative of my education, and fully intend to carry it on, how else could i support my colony of genetically spliced badger/elephants belephants, as i call them, without it, how do you suggest i decrease this infuriating and irritating problem, do you knwo of any creams or special soaps which may do the job? thankyou, yours perplexedly Sol 010617 ... kingsuperspecial admired friend Sol - as a fuckwit with a college degree, I can agree exams are quite exasperating, seeming to be least important part of college. Myself, I concentrated on playing angry music, sulking about cafes looking at girls, and throwing up on yourself in the shower after too much cheap booze. In retrospect, my time may have been spent in more constructive ways. if you must take an exam, remember that the value of your time in any situation is directly proportional to the amount of energy you spend actually trying to learn something. There is no better place to learn things than college, because there are a lot of extremely smart people there, and it’s there job to help you learn stuff. Granted, the underlying theme of college is to put a final polish on your ability to do things other people told you to do. Human being spend roughly 16-24 years HATING being told what to do by other people. However, that’s just life, and the sooner you learn to work within that construct, and find some way to learn from the process, the less doing those things will irritate the shit out of you. Another thing to remember is that the dust speck in god’s universe named Sol is comprised of finite number of single events connected by (linear and non-linear) time that meld themselves into a consciousness. The greater a diversity of events you provide this speck of dust, the more robust a consciousness it will achieve. Allow me to draw a parallel to illustrate all that I have tried to explain. Your professor asking you to score 82% or above on a curve-graded list of questions pertaining to chapters 8-14 of Zimbardo's 'Psychology and Life (15th Edition)' is an exam. Your natural human reaction is to resist this request, because you would rather mail friends bowls of cereal, or make a noodlecake, or waste your time with some fuckwit on the internet. However, even while being completely disinterested, by participating in the class, colorful fragments Zimbardo’s words, vague psycholocial concepts, the smell of the lecture hall, and the really nice ass on the girl you saw on your walk to the lecture hall, will all weave themselves into the events that make up the spec of dust called Sol. Taking the effort to get an 82% or above on an exam is not dissimilar to obeying your mother's request from earlier in your life, when she asked you to make it through an entire bath without pooping in the tub. Both were things you didn't necessarily want to do at the time, and at the time the greater value of the lesson may not be apparent. However, these things all combine to make you better able to enjoy the world by being a clever, socially dynamic, multi-facetted speck of dust in god’s universe. (a) feckwit 010617 ... yusuf islam aka cat stevens why is my beard so scary-looking? 011004 ... bijou am i pregnant? _ferchrissakes 011004 ... silentbob how do i forget about the past? 011005 ... god why is tonya acting so strange lately? 011006 what's it to you? who go blather from