so_fucking_lost so fucking lost i thought id finished with this part of my life 020209 ... so fucking lost the old familier pain. god, i thought id finished with this. 020209 ... reitoei wandering up and down the street. creaking and squeaking of new boots on pavement. wondering who the hell i am and what's going to happen and who ill be and knowing a billion people are doing the same thing and knowing the other 5 billion are too dead to care. 020210 ... searching you took the words right out of my thoughts...i thought i was finished with this, had put it all behind me why now, i have way too much on my plate and i CANNOT handle this now. why do you linger just enough to hurt me at the worst possible times? 020211 ... its gonna be all right someday you seem SO sad. you'll be found one day. I know you will. 020323 ... so fucking lost how? how do you know? upon what knowlegde do you base that? i think i got found once. i dont think it helped. 020323 ... its gonna be all right someday you'll build strength. I know it sounds like bullshit, believe me i know. you're in a state right now where it's impossible to reason with you, so I probably shouldn't even try. 020323 ... farmfish thee very fact that you be writin' here means you is not so fucking lost. you be found by thee childrens here. stay and you be findin' we was once as lost as you. now we bein' happy, sometimes sad, but we be together, and soon, as you be hangin' you be findin' youself a new name. "so fucking lost" be lame, nobody wants to be callin' theyself that, see? 020323 ... so fucking lost ah, farmfish, i am afraid i am forced to disagree. in a blue world where names such as "greivance", "continious ache" "lost" and "unhinged" are servivable, i feel that "so fucking lost' is acceptable and completly discriptive. thank you anyway. 020401 ... broken_down girl I'm floating. 020401 ... blown cherry so fucking tired so fucking empty so fucking alone in this house I have come back to, this house where I grew up, this house that means nothing to me so fucking wet, but tonight it's only tears, again so fucking miss my home so fucking miss being able to be myself whenever I want, need to be so fucking tired of having to COPE with living in this place, as if I didn't have enough shit to deal with already so fucking weary of crawling and sitting in a heap crying on the floor because I lack the strength to stand so fucking not as afraid of death as I should be so fucking not often enough so fucking too much so fucking nothing so fucking what 020401 ... continuous ache i don't think you ever get past certain points in life. pain is always so fresh....like it's the first time you're feeling it. you never get used to it. you never get past it. and i think your name is lovely. 020405 ... Dack Rambo is my father I always think it so ironic when I see my stupid joke of a name and the stupidly sad things I say. I was once found. But then I lost myself. Or this is the first time I've tried looking in my whole life It all confuses me. 020407 ... blown cherry I love reading every ascii character you ever type 020429 ... so fucking lost dont idolise this, blown cheery. its not a fun or funky place to be. it sucks and id do pretty much anything not to be here anymore. 020430 ... blown cherry not idolising. just being lazy really. reading your posts saves me having to type them myself. I thought I disliked being called Chezza, I think I dislike being called cheEry even more. 020430 ... Dafremen You and yummy...BOTH in a funk. My my...what silliness have you poor bo0bers been into? Well, go sit in the bathroom awhile with the water running and clear your mind. Forget the silly people and their silly wants and needs (that goes DOUBLE for YOURS.) If you ain't taking care of you and YOUR pEAce of mind...you WON'T be taking care of ANYONE'S wants or needs, not EVEN your own, as hard as you might pursue them. 020430 ... girl_jane Do you know where I'm going? I ran out of wood for my fire, so I had to burn my map so I wouldn't freeze, and now my compass doesn't work... 020430 ... so fucking lost born at the start of this whole situation after 12 months the situation has dried up blown away yet i am still here waiting. breathing quitely knowing that i am still needed. will still be needed for a long time to come. now more the name and less the direction 030109 ... endless desire how are you doing? seriously, you are always so sad. 030923 ... so fucking lost me? im some words on a screen somewhere. no face no personality no body no soul. just some tiny coloured pixels hidden in the code. 030924 ... realistic optimist is it better to keep searching to make sure that the path i take is right, or to just walk in some direction until i can get oriented from there? if i don't have a destination, i don't think i can make the trip. fuck it, i might as well just climb a tree and catch a nap. i fucking hate this, i feel empty without having an end point toward which to orient my being. where are we going and why am i clawing my hands raw on this fucking handbasket? 030925 ... Death of a Rose I'm making maps, but until someone trades me something of theirs I'm afraid they'll just be pieces of paper sitting beside me, sitting beside a path. Besides I'm not sure that the maps I have made are the ones to be followed. 031012 ... ferret i'm here for everyone, i just wish there was someone here for me 031012 ... Death of a Rose how can you say that ferret, you are lucky to have many voices here, that are for you. 031013 ... somebody Everywhere i turn, you're right there, summing up everything i'm feeling better than i ever could. Bad enough I am here, let alone to find others are just the same. Stop. Please. Stop 031113 ... ferret i lost something. I don't know if it was my mind or my heart, but it was one of the two, if not both... 031114 ... smurfus rex I was lost until I picked a direction and just kept going till I found somewhere I wanted to stay. Took me about three years. 031114 ... counterentity I thought "here" was where I was supposed to find myself. Instead the only thing I've found is that I'm more lost and confused than ever. More alone than ever. More isolated, yet surrounded all the while. Fuck. I'm so screwed up. 031115 ... Chookie Well, at least you have a term for what is bothering you. Lost. My soul has been sucked out of me. Thats not lost. That IS dead. I have been dead for a while now. 031115 ... oldephebe Damn. Completely obliterating. I feel you C. Hope things a going a little better for you now..you know the whole sucked out soul thing...hope you've found some person, or belief system or some aspect of your own beautiful unique self to call it back and tie it down...okay not tie down..mooring.. 040121 ... bys being dead sucks, but sometimes when you wake up it feels like a wildfire and that almost makes it worth it. To suddenly feel alive again..... 040310 ... ethereal the light in all the darkness. seek. you shall find. 040310 ... sab thats beautiful etheral. thank you. i guess it's what im kind of doing. gathering_the_girls_back_in 040310 ... . whatever_happened_to 050209 ... somebody So Fucking Lost found herself and still blathes under her original name. 050210 ... Rhohypnol Cold, bitter. Empty. Your promises Your words Your sex It's your fault I'm this way Lost. Cold, bitter. Empty. SO FUCKING LOST I'll find myself when I lose you. 121230 what's it to you? who go blather from