fragmentary_romantic_scenarios frAnk helpless as a chess piece lifted up by someone's hand, he moves into place wondering if it is safe or simply an illusion of grandeur. love is broken all around him, little pieces he gathers, wondering how to make it all fit to appear even similar to the original picture. 030225 ... unhinged love_dismembers_hours 030225 ... unhinged we went to our favorite restaurant. well maybe it was yours and his first. but we ordered something that was distinctly ours. we both wondered why the whole time that you and him had been going there that you hadn't discovered it. i remember sitting there with you and him trying to convince the two of you that it was ridiculous to stay together if he moved to boston. i guess there was an ulterior motive behind that, but i did believe with all my heart that for the two of you to be happy it wouldn't be with each other. i didn't care if you were ever with me as long as you were happy. we were really high. we were always really high when we ate dinner there. the waiter hit on us like they usually do. when you sat down you looked at me and said 'no speaking spanish today. i don't think i could deal with that today,' and i nodded. we ate and smoked some more and went to the theater to meet him for our tickets. you were his date. he said he had asked you to be his date. but you had looked at me earlier and said that we were on a date. i wonder if that was to deter him in any way. you were beautiful in your short black dress and black pantyhose and little black maryjanes. of course he told you that as soon as he saw you. grabbed you by the waist and growled and made you giggle. maybe i should have told you that you were beautiful. we were both proud of him for such a marvelous accomplishment. a male student director directing the_vagina_monologues with the most crowded lobby i had ever seen for a theater production at ysu. he raised $15,000 for the battered woman's shelter in three shows. the same battered woman's shelter had saved the life of a close friend of his. we were all so happy. we went back to his house but it took him awhile to congratulate all his hard working actors so we sat on his couch for awhile smoking. he came back and poured us champagne and we sat on his couch eating chocolates and smoking out of a corn cob pipe. he wanted to take us to perkins 'his treat' but i wanted to go to irish bob's and you decided that we should go to irish bob's. he needed to go to perkins because that's where the cast had gone after the show. a bunch of people we knew were in bob's for the funk band that was playing that night. i ordered a jack 'n' coke. you decided not to drink because you were driving and you had to wake up in the morning to teach. but you ordered some fries because we had been smoking all night. it came to the point in the night where we decided to do some shots. i bought me and laura a shot of southern comfort --- chilled. laura decided to buy me a buttery nipple. then he walked into bob's with one of the actresses from the show that i had known since i was a freshman. i couldn't stop drinking. he was buying both of us buttery nipples. you looked at him and said 'i wish i had a nipple to lick this off of.' and you took me home and i asked you to come upstairs and i had you read some things i had written about you. we circled up into a ball on my bed because i grabbed you by the waist and wouldn't let you go. i could hear your heartbeat. you wouldn't let me go. but you kept biting your lip like you didn't know what to do. i wanted you to stay, but only if you wanted to stay. i walked you to your car. you said 'thanks for being understanding' and my heart said 'nice guys finish last.' was it just an isolated moment or the beginnging of many moments? all my dreams coming true at once? or only a cruel taste of what i always wanted? someday i will hospitalize him for what he made you promise him. 030323 ... jimc deter? now the truth comes out. wish i could say that i feel anything but used. 030514 ... unhinged don't make me feel bad for how i felt. don't come here and read things that were written impulsively in the past and judge current situations by it. i have always said what i felt at that current moment here and i don't like to feel like i have to restrain myself here to save feelings or face. i didn't like it when people made her feel uncomfortable. i was always surprised when you couldn't see how you were making her feel. i appreciated your friendship jim but i felt like for her i always had to be competeing with you; you know how i feel about her. i couldn't help but feel threatened and jealous. please do not make me feel bad for what I have said. me, not her. but it always surprised me when you couldn't tell that you were making her uncomfortable. you should know as well as i that she would lie if she had to say it but her body language could never lie. i think the three of us trying to be friends together was a bad idea. 030514 ... jimc I was not speaking about you or judging you. If you remember, I was always supportive of your desires towards her. Towards the end I did see a change in the body language which confused me. It was very different from the body language that was before the change and the things she said that I was basing many things on. Leave it at I don't lie and I don't appreciate being lied to. It destroys more than trust. I think us being friends was a good thing, we just didn't have time to figure it all out. You are an awsome person with so much talent to offer the world and I am VERY happy that I had the opportunity to meet you. 030515 ... jimc besides, it all is a moot point. She has made no effort to talk to me. She showed up where I normally hang out on Tuesdays with Zach and that kind of said it all right there to me. I did the only thing I could think of and that was leave as soon as I saw them. My main point is you DO NOT tell someone that you will always be honest with them, promise to tell them if they are doing something wrong, when asked, say everything is fine and give them a hug, tell them that you love them, among many many many other sweet things then lie to them. You just don't do that. 030515 ... jane he moved his hand under the table. it gave her goosebumps. she said 090206 ... Ouroboros They sat in the car after the conversation was finished. They embraced, her hands around his head. "I always feel so safe with you" he said. 090206 ... Oh_So_Smelly Shoulder to shoulder Sitting beside A sleepy head rolls a top and nudges a little with the chin 090206 ... lux 18 hours, they had spent together. laughing about all they had in common, despite age differences. "i can't believe you know who that is," they drove to distant towns. she took off her pants in the car. he did cocaine and she had anxiety, and admitted that she was too big to slip out the window this time. they hadn't slept in two days. but they were too lovestruck to sleep. 090401 ... In_Bloom I walk right into you, a shift in position from where you stood waiting As I move to go around you block the entirety of me in your shadow and bend to kiss me Hands on your hips as though you're talking to thin air You rub your face under my chin with a smirk 090512 ... Jurisprudence You Me The night sky full of stars An empty cable car with no track beneath Kiss me there 091103 ... unhinged (it was the beginning of many moments) 140611 ... unhinged (such crazy turmoil, my sexuality and personal experiences back in college. my life is boringly calm now in comparison. depression isn't a problem and i don't tremble like a leaf anymore. it's been awhile since i've been in love with a woman. a round soft beautiful distraction from the herniated existence i've created for myself) 180225 what's it to you? who go blather from