Subj: friendship... or what you think it is
Date: 8/12/02 2:15:27 PM Pacific Daylight Time
1. The quality or condition of being friends.friendˇship
2. Friend"ship, n. [AS. fre['o]ndscipe. See Friend, and -ship.] 1. The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness ; amity; good will.
I would define the word "friend" too but I know your not a dumbass. I know you hate anything that has a definition for what friendship should be but I'm just giving you an example of what at the VERY LEAST you should be. Let me break it down for you....
I do things for you... like: take you out of your miserable house so you can have some fun and enjoy your teenage years, get you alcohol and doja at a moments notice, give you rides places like the teen clinic or a ride home from the train station, buy you presents when it's your birthday or an anniversary which I don't even have to mention, introduce you to new people(IE dave, you guys met at my house), take you to some parties on a night when you could come out( updikes, matt +daves, my house, the alnasars), I do pretty much anything you want to do, I get you home ontime even when your not paying attention to the time, I would pay for everything but you don't let me, I'm supportive and always there for you when something terrible goes wrong in your life and your feeling down, I'm there to try and cheer you up and show you that your not the problem(because you never are, at least when it comes to your parents) and that I really care about you and how you feel. Now... that's not even all of it. Do you know why I just dropped down almost every favor I've done for you? And no, it's not to be an asshole, I haven't been more sincere in my life. It's to show you that I do all these things for you without any thought of favor returns because I AM your friend and I AM there for you and just because I give you a little shit every now and then when you fuck up or do something wrong doesn't mean I'm not here for you. It just means I'm trying to beat it into your head not to do it again so you don't have to go through everything you had to go through... you get me?
But you know what makes all those favors and everything else worthwile? The care and love of a friendship with you. The jokes, the inside jokes, the good times, the bad times... but that's what it makes it great and that's what makes better friends, is people who look out for each other and support each other but still get angry at each other for not making the right decisions, which you do to me sometimes too. I admit I get on your case more often, but it's never so hard core that I break you into tears and you think I hate you, because I don't. Now, for everything we've been through your willing to throw away everything because of a misconception you have of me? You think I'm being mean to you? You think I hate you? I think you know the answer to those questions, and if you don't your lying, which I still to this day have never done to you. So far, it doesn't look like I've been the asshole. In fact, it looks like the exact opposite. What I don't understand is why you get mad at me so quickly and so furiously over nothing at all. It's almost as if... I don't want to say it in fear of being wrong but... it's almost as if you've been trying to find an exuse to get rid of me for a long time now, and I think for some reason it just got so intense resently, you started hating me more or something, and you bust out with the whole "I don't want to be friends with you anymore" thing... and I'm like "what?!?" And then you confirm what you say again(not even giving me the decency of doing this in person by the way) and I'm fucken blown away by the comment so much, I hang up the phone before I say something I might regret. Because you know me, I can say all kinds of stupid shit when I'm pissed... but it's pretty hard to seriously piss me off. Anyways, I hope in some way the last couple days helped you cool down a little bit, but knowing you this has been a fire inside burning for some time now. Jesus christ i mean... I wish you would tell me this shit when you feel it, instead of saving all this up untill you blow. Oh yeah and just to make you believe that I don't get angry that easily, you remember all those times you've told me something and expected me to get mad, and I didn't? It's stuff like that which makes me think I'm a good friend, and not this shitty one your making me out to be. Oh yeah and thanks for telling me the truth even after you lied, that proves to me you have what your dad thinks I have, integrity. But the way you were acting was basically like you justified lying by telling me the truth(your like "What, your gonna give me shit now too?!? WHAT THE FUCK!!)... which is good that you did, but it still doesn't justify the lie... you get me? It doesn't mean I won't forget it or that I'll give you shit for life but at the same time I can't just let you get away with it completely, cause that would mean in turn that I have no self respect. Speaking of respect, in order to lie to someone you have to lose a certain ammount of respect for the person... which makes me think that you have no respect for me. How come you can be such a good friend to Alisa and Christa, but you can't even respect me as a friend.. or much less a person at times. You completely ignore me, and when you don't it's only like you get what you want out of me and then your done,bored of me or something, and I don't think that's fair. I aknowledge your presence constantly and try to make sure you don't feel left out. I think it's fucked up how non-shalant you can be about this and how quick you are to end it all, and really... sometimes I feel like you only live to hurt me. I know now your like "oh bullshit" but just sit down and think of everything you've said to me, everything you've done and how it affected me, and then realize every stabbing remark, every hard to sleep night , and every emotionless thing you've ever done to me... I think you'll realize I'm actually a pretty good guy. Our friendship means enough to me to spend 5 class periods writing up a letter(and not looking it over) that you might not even read. You keep saying "You didn't have to do all those things for me", but you miss that that's the whole point is that I DON'T HAVE TO. I do these things because you mean enough to me for me to go out of my way in pretty much whatever I'm doing to come and help you out, in whatever way I can.... and because I kinda like doing things for you. I think I've gone on for long enough... please don't throw this away.