emmi i won't die, but i won't live either. 050124
Psyche who will I have to run to when the bad men come? 050124
Abbie I will never truly breathe again. 050124
daxle it's a funny thing about heart break... even the most crushing instance (withdrawing to your bed without food for a week type stuff) will eventually fade away. you'll think you won't survive, but 95% of the time you do, and you end up much stronger for it. overcoming tragedy makes us strong. you could do the whole thing that the old lady in "great expectations" did, but what a waste of your life!

p.s. don't bother giving this advice to anyone who needs it. they'll hate you and they won't listen.
.nom miss havisham, scary sad 050124
emmi i think the only reason why it fades away after a while is that you start to forget all the details that you loved about that person. how could that make you stronger? 050125
sirflaccid The reason blather is such good therapy is that you realize you are not alone and that your feelings are not special.

That may seem to diminish the value of human emotion but isn't that what you are searching for when in some kind of depression.

You need to know that you can get past it. There is no better proof than seeing others doing it. It is an odd group therapy.

Personalities come out here. There are those who are lost and searching. Those who help them find a way. Those who complain. And those who give answers.

This is the place I can hide without actually running away.
emmi that was a really nice way to put it. the last sentence i mean.

blather is the best. it doesn't matter who you are or what mood you're in. i just love that it's all-encompassing like that.
stork daddy so that means there's at least a 5% chance that you won't recover. 050125
apathy javelina also, don't give the above advice to people who need it if you were the one who broke their heart, because that'll just really get them riled. 050128
daxle and i suppose you will still continue to bitch at other blathers who hide behind anonymous names when they want to say something bitchy. way to be a hypocrite. beyond these last words, i am completely done speaking to you and i'd appreciate if you would pay me the same curtesy. 050130
no reason you'll leave me broken shattered alive 050130
birdmad finally.

but on that note, since i did try to close this out in a courteous and reasonably civil manner in that first e-mail i sent a couple of weeks ago, and you decided that all i deserved in response was name-calling and insults and amateurish attempts at psychotherapy, i think i'm going to be a cranky bitch until i get it out of my system because, based on the level of courtesy and consideration you've shown me more often than not, i no longer feel that i owe you any courtesy in particular, and for once in my life i am tired of sitting around and letting this feeling get the better of me.

and as for the name, if you're just assuming that i was playing at anonymity and don't get the play i made on something said, then maybe you aren't as bright as i gave you credit for being.

thanks for the misadventure
x Actually, if you want to look back at the paper trail, you emailed me the same drivel as usual and I said that I thought this would go nowhere as usual and so I was not going to bother crafting another long response. That is when You actually started the name calling. 050131
birdmad other than to suggest that you are every bit as inconsiderate as you have ever accused anyone else of being, when, in any of that exchange have i called you any insulting names

quote it if you've got it, but i'm going to call your bluff there

(as opposed to your "cinderblock" reference, your "plague of locusts" remark or your "well, then, you aren't very bright" remark...along with most of the other shit you've thrown at me for not being able to reconcile half of the things you said to me with the other half of the things you've said)

it goes back to what i said about unequal footing...

because, apparently, in your interpretation of things, you can pogo all over my feelings with golf shoes, but somehow, i'm an asshole if i don't just sit there quietly and take it.

one of my biggest fears/neuroses whenever i claim to have any strong feelings toward anyone is the fear of being too abrasive or offending that person in any way, my fear of it in these matters is enough that i am generally deferential to the point of being docile because outside of those debauched days when i got attention based on a certain reputation, i have always generally known that whenever someone even pretends to be interested in me personally it is usually by sheer luck amd i don't want to risk ruining it - but again, since i'm not trying to claim complete innocence here, like i said before, whenever i did do or say something that hurt or offended you, it was generally unintentional and as soon as i knew or thought i might have overstepped or been too hasty, i was genuinely sorry and wanted to make it up to you in any way i could, as opposed to simply taking the "hey, not my problem if you don't enjoy it" approach that you took

"...but now all that is gone/
overwith and done/
never to return"
jane if you leave me now
you'll take away the biggest part of me
no, baby, please don't go

daxle i didn't read most of that
i refuse to do this here
the end.
drstrangelove but were u ever really with me??
unhinged i'll be sucking on my cigarette
wishing it was something
a little more mind-altering
a lithium_sketch
if you leave me
i'll be right back where i started
i've been missing you lately
but i'm too afraid to call
too afraid
that unlike me
you've found bigger better things
when i've only been hoping
that i could find someone that understands
only a fraction of what you knew
on my way I'll continue on in my journey

With or without you
I know where I'm going.

the javelina of disdain "i refuse to do this here"

that's pretty fucking rich.
Somebody that I used to know I would understand.
I would hate it, but I would know why.
And I would probably be fine, but I know that you wouldn't.
Which I'm pretty sure is the reason you stay.
oren now, you take_away the biggest part of me. 081005
jane ooh
don't go
j don't_go 090208
oren I_just want you to stay. 090209
what's it to you?
who go