what_my_dreams_have_taught_me
raze continued from:

more_things_learned_from_dreams
even_more_things_learned_from_dreams
and_still_more_things_learned_from_dreams
yet_more_things_learned_from_dreams
new_dream_lessons 		250101
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raze an acoustic guitar doesn't need a sound hole to resonate. in fact, some project better without one. 250101
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raze nothing toughens up a callus like a poorly-planned vacation. 250102
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e_o_i Just because a hotel is fancy, doesn't mean it's prepared for visitors. Open the door to floor 8 (ahem, "VIII") and you'll find a grand piano blocking the way. 250102
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raze cinnamon toast crunch broccoli sounds like something that would be pretty labour-intensive to make, but all it really entails is half an hour of boiling vegetables. 250103
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e_o_i My dream_garden grows a hybrid vine that looks like a pea plant and tastes like a lemon. 250103
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raze jerry springer cannot be defeated. he's like the terminator or something. 250104
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raze you find more former friends on goodreads than any other social_media platform. 250105
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raze talking to a gravy boat won't convince it to do your bidding. 250106
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raze some people visit the beach to get a tan and chill in the sand. i go there to watch fox squirrels ride the backs of dolphins. 250107
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raze contrary to popular belief, cheerios are not a healthy snack for every animal. 250108
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e_o_i blatherskite_dreams: dogs have intuition, which means they will hear your thoughts and leap across provinces in seconds.

At university again, I'll be tempted to sign up for free Python courses from a group called Pyla. I'll know coding isn't much related to the work I want to do, but the "Pyla" booth has such a stylish design... 		250108
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raze be careful how you clothe the juvenile kangaroo you find in your bed. if you give them your favourite shirt to wear, you'll never get it back. 250109
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raze one person's hellscape is another person's quaint corner store. 250110
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raze when i'm stevie nicks, i play a pretty mean dulcimer. 250111
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raze in many cases, the only way to determine which stone belongs to you is to lick the salt off its face. 250112
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raze every pile of unwashed clothes is a criminal waiting to be born. 250113
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raze the original cut of the_beatles film "let it be" and a 1979 queen concert make for a pretty strange vhs double bill. 250114
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raze some of the most interesting beatles songs were written on a retreat organized by george martin. none of the fab four were able to bring their acoustic guitars, forcing them to write poetry and form what music they could with only their minds to guide them. 250115
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raze when it's raining in your room, it's important to make sure your blankets are properly positioned. 250116
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e_o_i Plausible title for a dream_book: "Oh No! A Murder!" 250116
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Soma weather can never be trusted. 250116
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raze david alan perry is famous for all the wrong reasons: he's one of the most notorious trolls the internet has ever allowed to thrive. he would be a lot harder to smoke out if he didn't insist on using his initials as an online handle. 250117
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raze i can never shave my beard. i'll look like a completely different person if i do. 250118
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raze harry nilsson's safe word was "biscuit". 250119
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raze content is more important than sound. 250120
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raze the best way to get someone who won't stop talking to shut up is to offer them pizza. works every time. 250121
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raze cher's real last name is prescino. 250122
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raze john goodman yelling at steve buscemi is funny. but when he does it to morgan freeman, it's like watching someone kick a wise old dog in the ribs. 250123
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raze when i find myself in the unexpected position of radio dj, the name of my show is "falling off the roof". 250124
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raze when i end up at a tea party concert, the first thought i'll have is, "how the hell do i get out of here without being rude?" 250125
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raze you can never have too many towels. 250126
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raze a basketball is only as good as its highest bounce. 250127
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raze ocular mocification is a condition in which the afflicted is saddled with visual hallucinations, but only while using the bathroom. 250128
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raze muffins are a poor substitute for cereal. 250129
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raze when stores become role-playing games, the only thing i'll want to buy is food. 250130
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raze i'm just not cut out for professional wrestling. 250131
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raze when all else fails, music_videos will always be here to mock me or spur me on. 250201
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raze in days of old, display models were given away at furniture stores to whoever wanted them. this marked the birth of the music video, though it isn't clear how or why. 250202
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raze thinking about the third "godfather" film is a recipe for disaster. it'll ruin your life if you let it. 250203
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raze there's a world of difference between liking and loving your job. not being able to distinguish between the two is a problem. especially when you're jake gyllenhaal. 250204
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e_o_i My uncle will be disappointed if he expects me to "help him invent a new kind of ping-pong." 250204
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raze ambrosia salad with hunks of sausage in it isn't quite as awful as you'd think it might be. 250205
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raze it's possible to be both dead and alive at the same time. at_least it is if you're my_grandfather. 250206
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raze even as a ghost, there's no role alan rickman can't play. 250207
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raze a tall tombstone is no place to stand. 250208
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e_o_i Expecting a poop-free floor IS too much to ask when you're running a craft workshop for small kids. The teacher will tell me to just step around it. 250208
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raze for reasons that remain mysterious to me, typing the letter r repeatedly into my browser will bring up a picture of a squirrel. 250209
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raze a sandwich made with hate will never have enough cheese. 250210
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raze it's possible to survive without water in prison, but only if you're a famous method actor. 250211
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raze tents are notorious for creating microphone feedback. 250212
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raze people you impersonate may be closer than they appear. 250213
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e_o_i Unfairly, I'll take out my anger at my ex on his new girlfriend, dropping her coat on the ground and throwing a winter hat at her.

(Silly situation, but awful feelings. Described also in what_made_you_cry_today.) 		250213
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raze when an old_friend meets his doppelganger in a restaurant, it won't be weird at all. 250214
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raze telling someone not to laugh is an excellent way to make them laugh. 250215
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raze basketball and poetry make strange bedfellows. 250216
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raze photographs have feelings too. 250217
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raze living in a van becomes more complicated when you don't know how to drive. 250218
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raze it's always going to be a little unnerving to see an exposed testicle, but as long as it doesn't fall out of its pouch and start rolling around like a lost marble, there's nothing to be too concerned about. 250219
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raze joining a metal band is all fun and games until someone starts hailing satan. 250220
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raze the black olives in record stores can't be trusted. 250221
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e_o_i "It's because I'm a nerd, not a jock."

This is what I say to a guy who tries and fails to make me proficient in a dream_sport involving ice slides and basketballs. He's just found out that I published an article once on a German philosopher who doesn't seem to exist in the real_world. (Funny, it was something about phenomenology.)

So this is what I say, expanding the mainly masculine 80s archetype to include me, but also narrowing real_life by speaking as if sport smarts and book smarts are mutually exclusive. 		250221
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e_o_i Gah, this was supposed to be in dream_dialogue! But I'll leave it here because I'm a nerd, not a jock :) 250221
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raze it's not a matter of how well you can dance; it's about who you can convince to join you. 250222
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raze every victory, no matter how minor, is celebrated with an unrelated marriage proposal. 250223
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raze a mattress that wobbles is symbolic of a house party i probably won't be attending. 250224
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raze memoir isn't about telling your life story. it's about naming the colour of the place you were made. 250225
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raze when trying to escape enslavement in a factory setting, calling attention to yourself with an exaggerated injury and a subsequent dance routine while disguised as someone else might not be the best course of action. 250226
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raze everyone could use a random orange dog to help them out when they're in a jam. 250227
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raze anyone who thinks the drums lack punch on the supertramp album "famous last_words..." hasn't heard "don't leave me now". 250228
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raze sometimes a random screaming match is a welcome distraction from a conversation you don't want to have. 250301
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raze after marinating in green tea, mushrooms are indistinguishable from orange slices. 250302
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raze the best tattoo artists are tennis players and faded rock stars. 250303
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raze according to bruce springsteen, as soon as someone covers one of your songs, it becomes *their* song. 250304
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raze even video game characters commit adultery. 250305
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raze try singing to shazam in the absence of recorded sound to feed it, and you'll get a message that reads: "what the hell kind of song is that?" 250306
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raze in international math, there are no two numbers that add up to 71. 250307
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raze no one ever tells you they're bulletproof until it's too late. 250308
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raze bent teeth don't doom a key to uselessness. they just make it a little harder to unlock your front_door. 250309
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raze a true friend understands the universal appeal of boxer pants. 250310
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raze bloodying something doesn't always indicate an act of violence. sometimes it's about setting someone free. 250311
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e_o_i If I don't want someone to kiss me, I'll bite his lip and get a shock at my own violence because it feels like I bit a chunk of it off.

"It wasn't my lip," he says, but he fears me now and won't listen to my apology. 		250311
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raze a salmon lobster is a beautiful mistake in nature. it kind of looks like a perpetually perplexed miniature chicken. 250312
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raze when you keep respawning in mid-air in a video game and it's impossible to find a safe place to fall, look for floating bubbles you can swallow to make your body buoyant. 250313
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raze every generational talent in the nba secretly wants to live on a farm and chat with chickens all day. 250314
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raze the american and european issues of david bowie's "pin ups" are completely different, but you wouldn't know it from the front cover. only the most attentive onlooker will spot a slightly different shadow cast by bowie in each image. 250315
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raze unlawfully altering a hotel room carries a three hundred dollar fine. 250316
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raze a book about cheese is easier to read when it hasn't been cut in half. 250317
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raze strange as it may seem, a cover song will go over better at a school talent show than an improvised rant ripping a corrupt principal to shreds. 250318
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raze you can play piano, or you can play politics. either way, some strange chords are bound to be involved. 250319
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raze when feeding tokens to a pool table that spits out walking sticks and premade meals, it's best to quit while you're ahead. after all, you never know when your gambling luck might turn. 250320
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raze one way to avoid typecasting is to stay out of a typed picture. 250321
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raze it's possible to order physical preview copies of books without paying for them. the powers that be start to get suspicious when the paperbacks pile up, though. 250322
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raze andy warhol's real name was charlie mcdonis, and all he really wanted out of life was to write a script that impressed rod serling. 250323
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raze don't_ask me how, but james earl jones and bruce hornsby are basically the same person. 250324
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raze you always knew elliott_smith was in trouble when he started growing out his hair. 250325
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raze a skunk without a stripe is really a panther far from its natural habitat. 250326
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raze some dogs like to hang out inside the fridge while waiting for their human to come home. 250327
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raze when a basketball player goes through a shooting slump, they're not the problem. the ball is to blame. 250328
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raze pink and green paper will never be the same height no matter where they stand to meet each other's eyes. 250329
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raze the truth is snake plissken doesn't wear an eye patch because he's missing an eye. he just thinks it looks stylish. 250330
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raze a profanity-free "deadwood" spinoff is a very strange thing to behold, though not without its admirable qualities. 250331
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raze the most meaningful graffiti tends to be the most transient. take these words, carved into the ice at a skating rink and destined to fade before long:

KEEP DREAMING. 		250401
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raze i might not be able to change the way a movie ends, but i *can* alter who the characters are. 250402
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raze some people will break into a car not to steal anything, but simply to reorganize its contents. 250403
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raze it's still hard to wrap my head around the idea that david bowie is dead. i always thought he'd live forever. 250404
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raze the best way to deal with a heckler is to improvise a song about them. shining a sonic spotlight on them will shut them right down. 250405
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raze in the movie of my life, zac efron makes a surprisingly convincing squirrel. 250406
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raze meg ryan and tommy lee jones run a very strange book club. 250407
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raze police officers who look like willem dafoe are not nice people. 250408
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raze faking an illness to cut class is likely to result in legitimately developing whatever ailment you're pretending to have. call_it_karma. 250409
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raze a totalitarian society is only as good as its video games. 250410
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raze you can buy a miniature can of ginger ale that's not much bigger than a bottle cap, but you're bound to drop it on the floor before you can crack it open. 250411
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raze album liner_notes are like clouds. they're always shifting, even when you think you know what you're looking at. 250412
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raze in a totalitarian society, the first things to go are always the video games. 250413
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raze animal fur might make a better beard than human air, but it's still a strange thing to see blanketing your face when you look in the mirror. 250414
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raze the best fake moustaches are always upside_down phone numbers. 250415
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raze lending a guitar to a character from "big bang theory" is a recipe for a bad time. 250416
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ovenbird The acrobats in Cirque du Soleil can still perform amazing feats outside, wearing nothing but sparkly spandex, during a freak snowstorm. 250416
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raze invisibility is only useful if you're the one with the skill to make yourself unseen. otherwise it just poses a whole pile of problems. 250417
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raze being randomly naked in a dream is one thing. finding yourself surrounded by strangers while you're in_bed is quite another. 250418
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raze asking for a job transfer back to the place you hated working at is kind of like pouring pickle juice in your cup of coffee. you can do it ... but why would you want to? 250419
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raze politicians are all the same. they only want to hear themselves speak. even the sight of someone choking to death won't dissuade them from finishing their monologue. 250420
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ovenbird If you put a spider in a bag and crush it just right it can be transformed into a squirrel. 250421
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e_o_i The staff at a dream_hotel are surprisingly eager to help me prepare for an imaginary craft_show, but also completely clueless about how. 250421
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raze there's no such thing as peace. not even when i'm sleeping. 250422
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raze french fries are not part of a healthy balanced diet for a squirrel, but they sure do enjoy eating the things. 250423
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raze no one believes i'm batman until i start to scream and swear. 250424
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raze what sibling rivalry really boils down to is how much straw your hair can hold. 250425
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raze someone else will always buy the expensive rare magazine i'm on the fence about before i can make up my mind one way or the other. 250426
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raze "the departed" should have just been called "everyone kills everyone, the end". because that's pretty much the plot, even in a dream. 250427
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raze anyone who claims to have a thorough enough understanding of their second language to speak it backwards is probably lying. 250428
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raze a black rat is a fine companion to have when you're trying to clean house. 250429
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raze jazz musicians have started designing custom sandwiches at fast_food restaurants and naming them after famous actors. the vincent d'onofrio (spicy chicken on a baguette) comes highly recommended. 250430
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ovenbird A teapot with two spouts touts itself as being a more efficient way to pour tea, but in reality it isn't any better than a teapot with one spout. In fact, it might be worse. 250501
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raze handshakes grow more perilous during the holidays. 250502
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ovenbird When you're wondering aloud how you came to be smoking a clove cigarette the answer is "they just end up in your mouth, as things do...." 250503
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raze telling my grade nine drama teacher how completely she failed me when i needed her to step up won't get the reaction i'm hoping for. she'll just stare at me like she doesn't know who i am. 250504
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ovenbird An electric sock sorter will also work on underwear, but it's not very efficient. 250504
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raze few things are more frustrating than a dishonest drug dealer. 250505
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raze no one ever talks about the bossa nova albums bruce cockburn recorded on the moon with judy bloom (not to be confused with judy blume). and that's too bad. those are some great records. 250506
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ovenbird If you try to see the spring migration at Point Pelee, you will be thwarted by flat tires that affect both your car and your bicycle. Dealing with the flats will mean you don't see any birds. 250506
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raze former muchmusic vj amanda walsh is now a pithy social media comedian. she's pretty funny, too, musing about how we can't possibly know what music is played during penis replacement surgery. 250507
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ovenbird Libraries are a likely place to run into an old crush and then solve a murder mystery together. 250507
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raze some wounds are best stitched up before the bleeding has a chance to slow. 250508
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ovenbird Dogs can be trained to alert you to dangerous air bubbles in your IV line. 250508
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raze neil young's "dead man" soundtrack is really a billy_joel album in disguise. 250509
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ovenbird I'm not actually bad at cutting hair, but I'm prone to using tools that were not made for the job. 250509
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raze a magazine is a poor substitute for a headstone. 250510
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ovenbird When you're trying to secretly listen in on someone's phone conversation to gather sensitive information, your location will be given away by an angry cedar waxwing guarding her nest. 250510
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raze all the best math equations have crowns. 250511
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raze some birds, like squirrels, will allow you to feed them by hand if they grow to trust you enough. 250512
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ovenbird Ewoks can be trained to administer poison. 250512
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raze a washing_machine is really just a multitasking table. 250513
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ovenbird If you're stuck at an airport waiting for a flight you can sometimes find a mysterious cafe in the middle of the tarmac that serves one of the most delicious meals you've ever eaten. 250513
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raze j. jonah jameson isn't quite the crank he pretends to be. he just keeps the warmth well-hidden, except for those times when he's talking about fishing and gathering his possessions in a shopping cart. 250514
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ovenbird A person you loved once, who ghosted you painfully, will have a heartfelt apology ready when you meet in a dream, but this will not extend into reality at all. 250514
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raze homer simpson makes a startlingly convincing pig in a pinch. 250515
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ovenbird In order to avoid being sliced up by brambles you must find a car underneath said brambles and crawl through it so you are protected from the thorns. 250515
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e_o_i It's less stressful being in a war zone than arguing with my ex.

(Not sure THIS one applies in real_life.) 		250515
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raze it's difficult but not impossible to write a letter on a piece of fried chicken. the trick is making sure it doesn't get eaten before it's been read. 250516
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ovenbird Mouthwash is more effective if you put it in a pressurized spray bottle and essentially power wash the back of your throat. 250516
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raze nothing jump starts a dormant friendship like the demise of a well_named death metal band. 250517
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raze you can't outrun lady gaga. 250518
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ovenbird a rowboat is not the most efficient way to get somewhere in an emergency. 250518
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raze it's very important to me that i determine what the longest-running active cjam show is, though i_can't_tell_you_why. 250519
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ovenbird If you buy a slice of pizza in a Christmas themed Dickensian bookstore, it will get stolen. 250519
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raze when i discover a man who ate his sister's face fourteen years after the fact, they'll both be nothing but clothed skeletons with distressingly healthy hair. 250520
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ovenbird The pies you find stashed in a vintage oak cabinet in the middle of a Walmart will be strangely delicious. 250520
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raze it's always tricky working out which email address to best reach someone at when they all have numbers in them. 250521
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ovenbird Beware of secret passageways in dreams. They have a tendency to become so narrow that you get stuck and can't go forward or go back the way you came. 250521
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raze no book should have more than one table of contents. it makes navigation a lot more frustrating than it should be. 250522
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ovenbird The best kind of friends will hug you when you're crying, even if you're both sopping wet and standing in the middle of a lake. 250522
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raze house parties are only as good as their soundtrack. 250523
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raze one must always be wary of bottled water with an unfamiliar label. 250524
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raze there's a criterion dvd box set of curated "all in the family" episodes, with each disc housed in a replica of a fancy liquor bottle. the packaging doesn't make much sense, but it's pretty to look at. 250525
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ovenbird It wasn't a good idea to share gum as kids and it still isn't a good idea. 250525
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raze if you stare at someone's email address long enough you can teleport yourself straight into their home. 250526
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ovenbird If you go back to highschool in your 40s it's just as humiliating as when you were 16 and the other people there will be just as cruel as you remember. 250527
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raze the tree pillars of styx in their classic configuration were "tommy shaw's heart, dennis deyoung's theatric flair, and james young's sense of fun". there was also a squirrel in the band. 250528
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ovenbird Airplanes are definitely too large to be using public roads. 250528
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raze i like stanley tucci, but he's a poor stand-in for phil collins. 250529
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ovenbird It's possible to completely forget how kissing works. 250529
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e_o_i The British version of Hamilton will be about Benjamin Disraeli, or at least that's my dream_suggestion. 250529
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raze adjusting the brightness of my screen while looking at blather will cause the red i know so well to take on the appearance of some strange vehicle i cannot enter. 250530
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ovenbird When a gecko gets up in its hind legs it's about to sing "higher truth" by Chris Cornell. 250530
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raze "mocha" is the name of both a pet pig and a famous youth yoga instructor. 250531
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raze when these planes that scar the sky and steal my dreams every day open fire, the first (and potentially last) thing i'll want to do is check on the squirrels. 250601
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raze the people who run this_city will never stop finding ways to line their own pockets while creating the paper-thin illusion of repairing things that weren't damaged to begin with. 250602
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ovenbird I am far more disorganized in the dream world than I am in real life, so I only bring the top half of a sequined leprechaun dance costume to a competition. This leaves me awkwardly standing in the change room trying to see if I can pass off a green bathing suit as the bottom half. 250602
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raze in a strange twist, only the oldest of the actors who appeared in "are you being served?" are still alive, while the younger ones died tragically before reaching middle age. 250603
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ovenbird If you meet a vampire you can give it a fancy Le Creuset cast iron pot and it will be so thrilled with its new cookware that it won't bother biting you. 250603
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raze even my own songs change shape when i'm not paying_attention. 250604
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ovenbird If you're about to embark on a top secret mission it's important that you first stop at a salon to have press on nails applied professionally. This is because you need really strong glue before an adventure or the nails will come off immediately. You can't get that kind of glue in a store. 250604
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raze a "drowser" is a zombie-like creature that makes any book they appear in better by default. 250605
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ovenbird Dream tides are some of the biggest in the world, capable of rising over twenty feet in a matter of minutes. It's advisable to run as fast as you can if there's even a hint of a dream tide coming in. 250605
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raze the toaster always burns the bread you're most excited to eat. 250606
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ovenbird There is a movie featuring Antonio Banderas that can literally suck you into the action so that you find yourself playing a lead role alongside another famous, but somehow nameless, actor. 250606
what's it to you?
who go 		blather
from