curse bespeckled I'm still hung up on you. Yes, we met when we were 15, and yes, we were immature and far from ready for the world. But we've grown together, even if in different directions. The hardest thing I'm up against right now, the hardest thing I've been up against since the day I met you, almost 4 years ago, is letting you go, releasing the memory of how wonderful our time was. Your skin, your skin, your skin ... it's the only skin I STILL see myself falling asleep on, no matter how much I know I can't be with you, and don't even want to be with you, the old me, the you me, still wants me to be yours. The night in the car, on the way home from the beach, when I cried with my face toward the window because I didn't want you to see me sniffling or care more about me than you already do, when I gushed and blubbered about how I'm under a spell, a curse, that binds me to your memory, and you to mine, I was telling the absolute truth as it rushed out of my soul. And now that I have faced it, what can I do? What can I do when I'm afraid to start a relationship, too afraid to get involved with someone else because I'm worried about you, the effect it will have on you, how it will make you feel, how sad you'll be, how you don't want to marry anyone but me, how I can possibly date someone else when I can only see your gaze in the marriage bed inside my head? I can't be with you, I don't want to be, but you're beautiful, and you're so much to me, and I will forever, forever, forever, forever, be in love with you and indebted to your hands and lips and brown skin. God, release me!!! 030715 ... Bespeckled No more feelings anymore. I'd give anything for butterflies again. 071105 what's it to you? who go blather from