jam raze they start showing up in backpacks. in lockers and cubbyholes. deep inside the constant yawns of unattended desks. eddies of crushed fruit cooked with sugar drift into undated, unsigned messages of affirmation. it might be two hours or twenty years before they find their intended recipients. but they all land sooner or later. two girls smoke out the architect of all this tenderness. they corner her in front of the school where the chapped lip of a concrete curb kisses the street, and they ask: what's with the raspberry jam? "everyone loves ice cream," she says. "right? well, this is my idea of ice cream on a budget. every time i hear someone say they don't think they're good enough, i leave them something sweet in a place they might not look to find it right away, and some words that tell them otherwise." then she starts to cry. because the one person she can't extend that kindness to is herself. if we'd been brave enough to give each other praise and tastes like that when we were as young as they are now, it would have fallen on deaf ears and filled indifferent mouths. it's better this way. we've lived long enough to understand we make better mirrors when we're looking at someone who has their eyes open wide enough to show us all that we are. 220814 ... insouciant I taught myself how to discount people, and ignore help. It wasn't intended. A very few set of special people help me undo years of defensive positioning to artfully dodge my own reflection. It takes more energy than I could ever ask for, but I'm enternally grateful for everything they're willing to do for me. 220816 ... raze it took me a long time to get there. longer than i'd like to admit. and i'm still very much a work in progress. but it makes me happy to know you're learning to see yourself through the eyes of the people who love you. thank you for being here, for sharing all that you do, and for being a part of this red_family. you're more valued than you know. 220816 ... insouciant how dare you make me tear up from across the internet! I've never felt more comfortable in my life. This community is a part of that. I'm so grateful for this space and the people here. 220816 what's it to you? who go blather from