brave unhinged i guess after all these years none of us have felt the need to expound on this i have always felt there was way to fine a line between bravery and stupidity. 130203 ... raze i definitely fall into the "stupidity masquerading as bravery" category. more often than i'd like to admit, probably. 130203 ... amy adaptivity the_fool the 0 card of tarot. i wonder if bravery is represented. maybe in the aces. or the knights. the william_blake_tarot has a 00 card i can't remember what it is though- 130203 ... epitome of incomprehensibility What I did was brave, but it's stupid that I had to be brave for it. I was afraid of biking to the store to trade bottles for change and buy gum. Just the idea of going all the way to the grocery store frightened me. Last week I tried, but I started off on a bike path bordered by the highway on one side and a small wood (next to the railroad tracks) on the other. It was hot and I felt scared to be in such a lonely place so I went back, the bags with the bottles and cans clinking and clacking as I turned. This evening it was dark enough to be cool, but then the semi-darkness started making me uneasy. I crossed the underpass, started along the service road on the highway's other side, but the traffic noise unnerved me and I went back to the mouth of the tunnel. Deep breath. Okay, one more way. Down the street, further from the noise, alongside houses and apartments. There was a point where I couldn't see any pedestrians near me and I started to panic. I was afraid I'd have to turn back now, even though I was close to the store. I passed a church with odd vertical windows in its doors and tried to concentrate on those windows. I passed a house with a room lit up near the door and I figured I could knock and ask someone to call my parents and ask them to pick me up if I were desperate (I started out without my phone, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal and it was better not to depend on it). But I shouldn't be desperate. Should I? I walked for a little, saw the traffic lights close to the store up ahead, told myself there was no shame in not going but no shame in going, "think neutral," and though I pass through the valley of the shadow of death or the crossroad when the light turns green... And then, at the other side, I stopped being so scared. I went through the alley and two kids were blaring rap out of a speaker, which felt like life. Biking back from the store, I wondered why I'd been so scared. It was no big deal! It was easy...now. It might not always be easy, or something else might have a mental block around it, but at that point it was easy and I breathed gratitude to whatever powers that be and to myself for making the effort. 210723 what's it to you? who go blather from