underneath
raze dig in the dirt with your fingers. dig until your cuticles bleed. until your nails are broken and the pink tender flesh beneath is raw and ragged. until your mind is a void and all that exists is the earth and what you intend to extract from it. until the pain becomes a song you sing to keep yourself from falling. until the song becomes a life becomes a shard of glass. until a kind of broken understanding comes to pass.

dig deeper.
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PeeT ! 130124
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tender_square i was in mary’s house, my mother’s friend she calls her angel. she was having some kind of gathering and there were people scattered amongst the rooms. i don’t know what i was looking for as i moved through the walled spaces, the palisaded people. mary had chosen to make a bedroom of the living room, and guests stood around the centered bed with its lavender sheets as if it were a normal piece of furniture. the house was small, with a solitary bedroom, and i wondered then if she created this arrangement for one of her adult sons. now, i see it as a split in my house of “marry,” of mornings with contracting back muscles after sleeping on the sofa, of a gulf widening. there were dogs moving through the legs of guests, in search of fallen morsels of finger foods. i found a silent backroom, an addition that seemed bigger than the framing of the original house, where a woman i didn’t recognize was seated alone on a plaid couch, breastfeeding. at one point, my girlfriend renee was swiping through photos on her phone as she stood by my side, showing off evidence of a huge brick-lined tunnel she found beneath her house. i was shocked that such perfect architecture could exist from the hands of masons a century later. i thought about the underground life i pray for daily; i wished to descend into what had been excavated, to see where it would lead. later, i went out the front door of mary’s, and her stoop became a series of platforms and trellises. there were vines everywhere; the parched and twisted ropes awaiting leaves—a lot of brush and bramble on the verge of verdancy. and a beautiful bird was there, a plumed partridge that was unafraid of my advancing, unflustered by the longing in my gaze. 220423
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