is_that_too_much_to_ask stork daddy i just want everyone to be instantly and irrevocably ennamoured with me. i just want to be the polaris in their night skies. the light they endlessly sail their ships towards but never reach. the guiding gem that domes their world. is that too much to ask? 050830 ... grendel as we've already been briefed on what you smell like under certain, close, personal circumstances, i'm gonna have to step up to the plate and answer that with: "umm...yeah, probably" 050830 ... icy you are the polaris in my neverending night skies. i have no hope of reaching your guiding gem, but i sail ever onward merely hungering for your light. even though it is perhaps more for your darker side... 050830 ... icy ok, rereading that, i sound a little too psychotic and cheesey... well, if the shoe fits... i meant that to be a little lighter, so my short and honest answer would be "no, it's not too much to ask." - especially never reaching. still likes the darker side 050830 ... fa + 050830 ... daxle a truth sandwich made with sarcasm bread, nice. 050830 ... stork daddy it was a rhetorical question. 050830 ... stork daddy but if you'd like daxle i could pack one in your lunch. and icy...tell me more about yourself. and grendel it's strange...you accidentally forget to bathe for four days and no one ever lets you live it down. but that wasn't the real me...that wasn't essential to the story i'm now telling. or was it. allured yet? no? 050830 ... icy "tell me more about yourself"... yikes, that might be a little dangerous. most of the people who have found out more about me have not stayed to learn any more. and that's not necessarily my fault. directly, anyway. and yes, i rather thought it might be leaning towards rhetorical (more as in not looking for an answer specifically as opposed to insincere or vacuous), but sometimes those are the questions that need answering. even my cat seems to agree. (i have two, but the other is simply gazing enigmatically at me right now, and isn't much help... two cats, that is, by the way.) however, you could perhaps have intended my response to "tell me more about yourself" to be slightly more vacuous, but this is what you get when i'm inebriated - a wild swing towards one and the other. 050831 ... icy perhaps, but i ask anyway to appease my despicable nature... do you read this? or were you kidding? knows that curiosity killed the cat... 050905 ... Arwyn yes 050905 ... stork daddy no. i'm never and always kidding. you sound like a fun person to meet every wednesday and take for long drives. 050905 ... afrika grins people only want the people they are enamoured with to be the people who are enamoured with them, so be careful what you wish for, stork d, or there will be a string of broken hearts clattering along behind you like tin cans and the rustiest one will be your own... 050905 ... stork daddy does it hold when you're enamoured with everyone? and...well...yes...broken hearts...if yours already is...should you add more? 050906 ... afrika If you are enamoured with everyone, then your love is a more general and overwhelming affection for the chunks of humanity you see around you. In that situation you would only want the same affection back. You wouldn't, theoretically, want people falling madly in love with you in the one-on-one sense. If you are brokenhearted already then you know better than anyone that more broken hearts won't fix anything but your ego. I sound angry and critical here, but in actuality you honestly amaze me, in the good way. 050906 ... stork daddy well i'm glad i can be of some humble service. is it possible to love everyone in the overwhelming way? and is it possible to want others to love you more than you love them? not good or bad, just possible. maybe i'm a possible person before i'm a good or bad one. and as for adding broken hearts, i suppose that's the antithesis of what i want...i want to be a part of something that's okay with others, but they always want so much or not enough, it's hard to find a good fit. i was being somewhat insincere about having a broken heart i suppose...i do have some fundamental sadness as to life, but i also have many fundamental happinesses...and i generally know that it's my perspective rather than another person who breaks my heart. but not everyone knows that. so i guess what i want is someone who forgives what i forgive, and who won't end up heartbroken on my account. of course maybe such a person would be a heartbreak to me. i'm not certain. but now i'm just blathering. 050906 ... afrika Ah, to be perpetually in love with the world and perpetually brokenhearted over the world! 050906 ... icy every wednesday, huh? i definitely need to sit in the front seat, or some type of equivalent - otherwise i might get carsick. where shall we go tomorrow? a long drive sounds really nice, somewhere far from here... but always coming home. 050906 ... icy "wow. that almost sounds like you know me!" ok, now i know what you meant over at don't_worry_just, for that's what's rolling through my thoughts just now. eek, now you're making me think and everything's going every which way right now! is melting 050906 ... stork daddy yes afrika....to know that the world should be so much more, and yet is still more than it had to be. eh...i give in too easily to melodrama. well icy...we drive at night down 113 north, where the air is quiet and on all sides fields push for their own means against the limits we have set for them. and there's one or maybe two cars every ten minutes or so. where shall i pick you up? 050906 ... icy on this side of sanity... i'm standing in the moonbeam so you'll see me. 050906 ... icy ah, breathing in the fresh night air with a kind of schoolgirl excitement flitting about. waiting for the soft headlights to round the bend, slowing with recognition of my silhouette against the setting sun. the horizon beckons with undulating hills and mysterious craggy peaks within the clouds. i almost can't wait - anticipation builds... 050906 ... Why not : Ask NO Evil(s)? 050906 ... icy and yet again, it built for nothing. the seemingly familiar headlights passed without slowing, the sun set, and my silhouette was lost in the gathering darkness. as i turned to walk back from the road, the craggy peaks of the clouds began to dissipate into a fine mist... and i wondered if it had all been merely a dream. a nice daydream, perhaps, but i had imagined it once again. it's always better this way, for i inescapably frighten away those who could possibly be dear to me. rather like a survival tactic, but it's their survival that it concerns... 050907 ... stork daddy destroy me. is that too much to ask? 050907 ... neesh kiss me, kill me 050908 ... icy no, because that is the only thing i can do. 050908 ... icy just a few more minutes to hear your voice, cool and calming. looking back and waving out the window, hoping that you would watch til i was gone. one more nibbly kiss to confirm what i already know, and full with a promise for more. a fullbody hug awash in sensuality. sleep_naked with me, simply cuddling between the clean sheets. perhaps it was all too much to ask. is that why it didn't work? i asked too much? but didn't you realise all you had in return?? didn't it matter? 050909 what's it to you? who go blather from