being_an_adult_about_it dafremen What a journey, man. I set out to find a family and ended up learning so much about people. Mostly in just the trying to be accepted at first. But then in the fighting for who I had become..a person I like for the most part. That in itself took decades of work. Along the way I learned that mine aren't the only decades passed in contemplation and struggle. Not by a long shot. It's hard to care. I suppose that's why it's so easy to get high. I'd rather get high and pretend its alright..then put anymore scales over the top of my heart just to move forward in a worldwide sanitarium. It took a long time to figure out what I'm here to protect..what my duty at this point in the process is. And so I look around me for the hearts that haven't grown cunning. I look for those who have learned that they are surrounded by virtual babies who need to be cared for. And not the sheep being fleeced by these clueless infants, no..those who truly care for the under served..those who bring light wherever they find darkness. 11 years ago I left a nightmare of a life behind. The details of it are splattered all over these pages for no apparent reason but to purge my wounds and perhaps serve as warning: Don't leave the babies in charge of your life! Don't let the babies forget who needs who. I'm at probably one of the most stable and content places I've ever been these days. It's still a work in progress, but it's definitely progressing and I'm very happy now. At least for me and mine. But for the world, as always, I worry. I can't help it. I know it's not mine to make. But I also know that the winds of our hearts can drive us where we belong when an aware and open mind is at the helm. Helping this poor world along somehow..in my little way..that's where I belong. Years ago I swore I'd never help anyone raise their kids again. That didn't turn out to be true. So the story goes, I met a beautiful girl with a heart of gold and she turned out to be true. And she had a son who was also as awesome. He had some issues which may be mild autism..or may just be the way his mind protects him from being brainwashed easily. Either way, he's deep but..then he's not. And people don't get to see the deep as much as the not..because they don't care to take the time. So, of course..this gentle, good soul is misunderstood and about to be turned sour and broken down by a poorly calibrated people-making machine called society. Time to pull my fucking cape off of the coatrack again, dammit. This young man takes a long time to get some things through to him. To make matters worse, it doesn't ALWAYS take a long time for things to get through to him, but he's so worried he's not going to get things, that he won't acknowledge what he knows or doesn't..just sit there looking as confused as if he HADN'T understood. Don't get me wrong. He's a really smart kid. You just have to sort of..drill things into his head before he can use those pieces. He's very good at combining the pieces and coming up with innovative ways of using them. But there are two obstacles: 1. Getting the concepts in his head. 2. Figuring out whether he actually has them or not. This made it important for ME to do something I'M not very good at: boil things down to the basics. (Not that it's any newsflash around here.) Here's what I've told Brody so far about his job of growing up. It's very simple and I hope it saves someone somewhere some headaches: There is a magic spell for protection. If you do this, no matter what, the universe will protect you. If they continue to harm you, the universe will rectify them or make them go away: A: Do right. We know what right is. It's the opposite of hiding shit to avoid what we don't want or get what we want. B:Try your hardest. Don't ever give up until you've exhausted all possibilities. Note on these: I've taught him that his body and brain are like a horse. If you leave the reins too loose, it will just follow its hunger, desires and run from its fears. It will try to rest, constantly in the sunshine..our bodies are made of dirt. Pick anything made of earth up that is not living..a pen, a sock, a rock. Drop it. what does it do? It lies there doing nothing. That is the tendency of our brains and bodies. (The brain? While animated will also respond to urges..so that's useful in coaxing it around.) Don't just sit there! Fight it. Fight it. Fight it until they've earned their rest. Fight it until you've learned what it is you've come here to do with your life. Then water your horse down properly, feed it and indulge it a touch as a reward. The next and most important thing I taught him was this: Being an adult has nothing to do with your age, your ability to have babies, your ability to smoke, drink or do what you want to do. Being an adult has nothing to do with how much money you have, or how big your house is..or even if you have a house at all. Being an adult is this simple: Always be able to do what you'd rather not do..because it needs to be done. Like helping a really nice girl raise a a really good kid who could use a father figure. Fuuuck me. Will it ever end? (Do right, daf. Try your hardest. Be an adult about it.) Aye. Grrrr. 190318 ... unhinged doesn't make it easier, hurt less 190321 ... dafremen Struggle is the backbone of the process which brought us here. Learn to embrace struggle as a sign that the universe still finds you worthy of improving. THe worthless sacks of homo sapiens shit don't struggle, because they are evolutionary dead ends. The process has never lied about its methods. We've only deluded ourselves about what constitutes a winner's reward and what a failure's punishment looks like. An evolutionary failure eats eclaires religiously, watches TV like it was air and their eyes were lungs..but doesn't know how to hook up a TV or turn on an oven. 190322 what's it to you? who go blather from