i_want_to_be_found
shiva "ready or not, here i come!"

hee hee. i find all the the best spots. if she follows the clues, she will trip right over me.












damn it. hurry up! i have to pee.
011203
...
ClairE , sometimes.

nah....! found me tonight, even though these fucking computers keep kicking me off AIM.

But now I seem safe.

I never wanted to be found when I was young. In hide_and_seek I loved staying nice and safe. Especially when I fucked up the game and everyone had to stop for me.

Then I knew how to play the game.

In tag I could never catch up to the person I was chasing.
011203
...
silentbob attractive 011203
...
Effingham Fish First, lose yourself. The rest will follow. 011203
...
Sonya Waiting amidst the curtain of smog and the claws of the crowds I want to be found. Some times the innocent blue sky peeks in at me and renders a disappointment in my hands. And then it happens. A thought of you trickles into the tunnels of my mind and drags into my constrained heart. I want to be found...by you. 011204
...
ClairE but is that possible if I don't believe in true_love?

I still want to be found by someone.
Found beautiful.
Found irresistable.
Found irreplaceable.

Of course, by someone whom I find back.

It makes me lonely when there's no one to talk to.
011204
...
ClairE Desperately. 011214
...
distorted tendencies So someone can save me. 011215
...
ClairE Was I?

You know, I meant when I said, "I can't believe I found you."
011216
...
the soul of this particular blathe heeeeeere i am. 011216
...
ClairE That is, I meant *it*. (sigh) 011216
...
monadh have_you_seen_this_word 011217
...
Aimee with a noose around my neck and my face black as coal. 011217
...
kerry and pulled up in a dim room scented with jasmine and lit with eerie celestial blue clouds, he'd bring me close and kiss me and i would know i wasn't lost anymore... 011223
...
Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge ...as the most significant individual
in your existence
i require to be desired
i desire to be sought after
i sought to spend
my entire life
bringing you
smiles
happiness
unconditional love
compassion
underdstanding
safety
security
laughter & love

[what is this aspiration within me that longs to be the one to save ... i yearn for saving you in your darkest hour... i fancy to be the one to illustrate all the beauty you possess... i would like to be the 1 that adores you whilst all else twist their backs on you... i covet to be the 1 that by no means gives up on you nor runs absent...]

[[i to a great extent want all this, yet, when you receive all this & donít need me to any further extent it destroys my sense of self importance, ... perhaps that is just it... i by no means have ever had any to begin with]]]

Ņ[[[maybe i need to save myself]]]?
[i dont think so... whose neXt]
011223
...
ClairE Dude, you must want something else too. I'm hoping and praying that you know what it is yourself. 020107
...
WingedSerpent on second thought, maybe i'm SUPPOSED to be lost 020107
...
pushpins i want to be found
fighting all the cold crowds
the majority swallows me whole
with a swift recitation of the statistics
and how badly i am outnumbered.
but i want to be found.
I do not want
to drown.
i do not want to sink into
the monotony
or the pattern,
i want to be the solid white
or solid black
amidst all this GRAY.
certainty in my convictions,
stubborn in my persistence,
i want to be found
and rescued from the masses.
020108
...
until we come to our senses I want to be hidden by someone larger than myself. I want to be sent off in heavy metal boats to crash into other boats and try to set each other on fire 020218
...
unhinged somewhere deep inside
of this mess
i have made of myself
i want to be found
whole
and new
and beautiful
afraid i will always be damaged
because i can't let go
i want you to understand
someday i will see your face
and find only love there
without the dirt
of want and need and desire
020218
...
ClairE You're_it! 020530
...
Kate I waited in the folds of the blue curtains of the auditorium afterschool one day first semester. I wanted to be lost from everything in the world that hurt but I wanted someone to find me and comfort me and give me a hug, and I didn't want to have to ask for comfort. I began to write and three freshman entered the stage and began to play the drums, and I felt better and came out and made three new friends. 020530
...
yikes eep 021004
...
~gez~ i didnt really want to be lost in the first place but there we go. we do not all get what we want, hell if we did the world would be total chaos. my world would be great, because i would not wish for inhumane things 021004
...
distorted tendencies Nobody sees me. 021004
...
splinken THIS TIME I MEAN IT. 030527
...
niska what is the grace period of being a good person?

i mean, how long must i hold out before i break and tell you i hate this?

cut.
it.
out.
030527
...
jane but i know i can't rely on anyone else to find me 030527
...
x but blather has always failed me on this account 030528
...
found there's only one found 030528
...
brain stew so badly, so intensely i cannot express it and so nobody will ever know. who will try? nobody has enough guts so what, am i doomed to stay here forever? i won't wait for you, go soak your head. 031029
...
Doar found you x 031030
...
evnarcadia i didn't know i was lost
here i am
031031
...
Lint Lover This won't work unless he's found me
his Corazon_de_Oro,
The_Girl_with_A_Heart_of_Gold
040523
...
Lint Lover This won't work unless he's found me
his Corazon de Oro,
The Girl with A Heart of Gold
040523
...
shocking pink tights she cannot be found. not ever. 040523
...
magenta she's in protective custody and there she will stay until further notification (who writes this shit? it sure as hell can't be one guy or girl, there's a bunch of you and therefore this is meaningless to me.)

One man does not think these thoughts and writes these words on a whim, it just doesn't happen--maybe you're just finding passages that have already been written and that could be useful to your cause (whatever the fuck that is)
040523
...
... what_do_u_want you're wasting my effort 040523
...
autumn and kept. for good. 041012
...
. i want to be loved 041012
...
read letter tin_girl
"oil_can"
041012
...
suicidalchinadoll Pick me up!!!

I'm crumbling tonight..
I haven't missed you in so long
041012
...
unhinged quiet in your arms

what i miss about him more than anything, especially since it's been almost a year since we've even spoken to each other, is the way even the first night we ran into each other again at the plaza he had to be so near me, touching me, holding my hand.

i need that again more than anything.
041013
...
JdAwG I want to be lost, and never found again. 041019
...
magicforest i want to be caught 041019
...
ungreat i want to be found by myself. because im tired of hiding the real me in the bac of my mind. 070915
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from