meaningful_sensations Borealis ? I miss you more 040709 ... megan i was sitting with you. we were silent for a few moments, but it wasn't uncomfortable. i could be silent with you and it was ok. you reached over and placed a hand carefully on my knee. i startled, but only a little because i caught myself... i didn't want you to take that hand away. i've been without that sort of electrifying touch for awhile now, and i had forgotten how alive it made me feel. we glanced in each other eyes. i would say we kissed, but that would be a lie. i would say i wanted to, but that would be a lie too. i just wanted to sit with you, silent, with a hand on my knee. and that's it for now. for now. you make me wonder why the earth is moving so fast, yet our days roll slowly by. you make me wonder why i miss people who aren't even really gone, and you write me words that make me cry. but in a good way. it's been so long. maybe tomorrow we'll be silent again. 040710 ... Borealis damn it 040710 ... bloodstreams A taste, a tease, a glance, a touch, left with a need for more. In a small crowd of people there's enough energy for a spark between strangers. But without another attempt the fire will never ignite. 040711 ... 6am u wanted me to come over and ask for ur number and maybe ask if u wanna hang out later that nite. but i was content w/ just meeting you. and staring at you from across the bar i can tell ur friends were boring u to death. but girl, i was feeling unbelieavably good, content, peaceful just looking at you looking at me whle i smoke my cigarrette. im sorry i didnt took it further, i just didnt feel like it was the time. 040711 ... pete came as i realized what the hurried message was saying and who it was from. 040711 ... Borealis what did it say pete 040711 ... Syrope every touch of your skin to mine. the innocence wrapped in heat. every secret your eyelashes send in my direction. the flirtation wrapped in confessions. every knowing glance that follows. the warning wrapped in heavy pauses. every shuddering breath i make you gasp for. the desire wrapped in the sweetest promise. every time you go, leaving me unsatisfied. the lies i tell myself, wrapped in regret. you could save me. i wish i knew why things are different now. 040711 ... puredream kiss on the cheek and forehead. holding of the hand. holding of the hip. stroking of the cheek. endearment of the eyes. all of these things strike the most meaningful of sensations. 040712 ... Jess This pain in my arm from holding your hand! Only I would get this! 040712 ... pete "hi pete this is kyla calling to say hi" but really really fast and slurred 040713 ... pete she said she was feeling sad and needed someone to talk to, im happy she called me, too bad i still haven't talked to her past the formalities since wendsday when she got those words... 040713 ... Doar . 040727 ... pete a tear falls on the flames, devoured in a hurried scream of evaporated dreams tossed aside with the prose of grade 10... five years later that lonley scream is dusted off and heard again like the two girls, who argued in the frigid cold and had their words turn to ice so instead of fighting they took the words inside and let them melt, laughing as they heard those hurting words melting from blocks of ice... the apothocary curses the deceased lover, crying out against the unjust action which he commited and the justice which he must now face... or is it romeo, opening a letter from his dear love on the road and not proceeded to buy that vile vile? and then i found what i was looking for, an old story, desert roses (aka The Unforgiving), to be edited, no doubt in to something else, but to remain the same... between some pages where two year and a half emails, and i must say, we've changed, for the better no doubt, so much in the past 15 months... and i realized that it said 'your' not 'you're' which came at quite a shock and cemented the comment at the bottom: "the girl you can never quite understand" and i'm happy i can't.. 040727 ... unhinged melted into meaningless when something so selfish as the denial of phone_sex would make you hang up on me and erase my number, so that i haven't spoken to or saw you since. sad really that the first meaningful_relationship of my life ended like that. in a coked_out selfish fit produced by the denial of meaningless_satisfaction. so easily proves the fact that you had no idea what was important to me. my heart flopping over at your_voice your_words your_deeds that may have been intiated for your own benefit but also had a benefit to me. the way i tingled to hear someone say i_love_you meaningful to where i choked on it because i had waited so long to hear it come from someone else. heart mind body tingles with the rash of love extended to a smile i can't wipe off my face the empty dull eyes replaced such a shocking awakening for years i avoided mirrors afraid of my own reflection where for hours after you i stood and stared at myself the way i was meant to be overflowed tingling now melted into cement that encases my heart in bitter silence empty dull eyes return and i find myself crying when i look in the mirror because i disappeared my heart encased in bitter silence your permanent fatal error that you opened my eyes to what i truly was then turned around and denied it all fooling_around_with_dust that i had supposedly replaced instilling self_confidence in me educating me to what i truly was back_fired you didn't know what you gave me meaningful sensations the truly shocking awakening of a hibernated soul tingling knowing that she deserved better than denial all of it melted into cement encasing my heart in bitter silence waiting for new tingles that will be buried deeper a deeper hole of self_preservation to dig me out of my_depression_is_a_hole_in_the_ground to wear down meaningful sensations buried deeper 040727 what's it to you? who go blather from