unsatisfied adam i am. 990302 ... startfires screaming feed me fill me up again temporarily pacified 001012 ... grendel the_hollow 001012 ... Barrett stinkfist, stinkfist, I've gotta stinkfist. (and my elbow smells pretty too) 001012 ... nanny the story of my life 011215 ... cube short story. perhaps you should consider a hobby that benefits others. helping the homeless must be very fulfilling ... 011215 ... emmi i've never been as not in the mood as i was last night...it's a new experience. i felt annoyed when you accidentally trapped my hair somewhere under your knee/elbow/hand. i kept thinking, what are you fantasizing about? i thought, do you really love me enough? am i doing the right thing after all, am i sure about this guy? when you sounded like you were really enjoying yourself and started going at it faster and harder, i got angry that you might make me sore. and i felt as if i had to fake my pleasure myself...i was angry that i've never had an orgasm with you, i blamed you for it. when you finished, i wanted you to get off me right away. you snored all night and i hit you in the ribs and pushed you away. i was very annoyed that i got not pleasure and i felt used. it was awful...i hope this doesn't happen again. 050121 ... emmi not = no........ 050121 ... Syrope it really does baffle me it can be the smallest things 050209 ... emmi his energy lasts...only until he has pleased himself. FINE, GO TO SLEEP THEN. 050423 ... rage what the fuck is wrong? 060716 ... next to Nobody HUNGER. 060716 ... misstree how often will i be left wanting? trying to keep my cool as i'm near climbing the curtains, wondering, wanting to wail and howl but there's nothing. there's something either dead or away and i know it with the gut that is rarely wrong, the one i never listen to and always should have. i am strapped into the roller coaster. i can't help it. right now, it hurts. before, bliss. after, who knows. what am i for but enduring. to my horror, parts of me thrive on it. even the hunger feeds a bit of beast i would gladly excise, if only i could do without it. it would take so little to fill me. 060721 ... Soma Sometimes the pang of it all hits me. The sheer force of it catching me off guard as I simply try to exist. I slip, catching my breath and myself against the wall in my beige apartment. There's a noise coming from deep inside me. What is it? What lives inside me as is trying to claw out? I'm standing on sandy colored carpet as tears well in my eyes in noon darkness of my dwelling. Why? Why am I sad? Why am I unhappy? Longing. Yearning. A deep empty hollow in my core. I tumble away like chaff, blown away by my own sigh. I want for something I can never have, a reality outside of my own. Instead I try to numb away my existential dread. Despair. The certainty of damnation. I've never been one to face my problems. I avoid them, I shove them down. Sometimes they erupt, unsatisfied by my refusal to acknowledge them. Are they lonely too? I don't know these days. I crave certainty and "else" - not just something, ANYTHING that is not here. My inner self is needy. This tan and brown box leaves her begging for the downpour of change to flood away everything and leave her a clean stone upon a new shore. But all these saltwater tears will never quench that thirst. I should be satisfied, if not happy. 190607 what's it to you? who go blather from