florescent_light unhinged Sheryl--- very important update. chris wrote me back from that whole apology deal and wants me to call him so he can hear my voice. all's well that ends well. miss ya 010702 ... Dafremen : ) I missed you too! 010702 ... florescent light wonderful went even better than you had thought... I'm so happy. yae yae yae whoo whoo whoo I'm so happy you did it, even if he hadn't responded, you should be proud for doing something that you felt was right, and putting yourself on the line makes you all the more courageous. You are my hero. (Do I sound like a Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints commercial yet?) 010704 ... unhinged i wouldn't say i'm a hero but it did take a lot of the whole "do it...no don't...do it...no...yes" thing for me to push the send button. hope you have a good independence day 010704 ... kingsuperspecial sexy wifey 010712 ... florescent light not tonight dear, I have a headache 010712 ... kingsuperspecial that's okay. you're outta my league, anyway 010713 ... Dafremen You hit the nail on the head with that one pal-o. 010713 ... yummychuckle shes gonna meet me! I'm gonna meet her! that is, of course, if she doesn't get horribly lost on her way from Long Island to Maryland. whoo hoo! I'm meeting Sheryl, and you guys arrrrennntt!! cept black-dyed gel product. he'll probly meet her. but in any case, I'll be the first! Whoo hoo! In your faces, all you other blatherers :) in a good way, of course. 010714 ... kingsuperspecial wow. I want to meet her. she makes me smile almost every day. even if she is horribly cruel, and teases me about underwear. 010714 ... your Light, in my mind, and happy. exists magnificently not dressed up as matter. days have passed without words. working people thousands of miles trips to different oceans and a decade of life stand between us. not whole, but real not here, but accessable not attached, but mine thank you, now and always . adoring fan 010806 ... me again tonight went bad and we didn't get to talk much and it's my fault because I tried to fix my computer and I broke it and you were awake but not saying much and I felt you might be mad but you're not like that and I want to make you happy and see light shine from you like a song about birds and oceans and cottoncandy and icecream 010806 ... florescent light you come to these pages and I am twirled through tunnels of magic, beauty and poetry who are you? surely you aren't the person who I talked with last night. more importantly, do you know who I am? I don't believe you feel these things that you say 010807 ... me again say and feel and do as I am. yes, it's me - and why not? I can be what I want, or what you imagine, the only thing stopping you is you. we are alike, and I like that. I know who you let me know. I see who you let me see. What am I saying? you are unique you are significant you are unstoppable I am only repeating what you have told me your self in so many words and thoughts. you do not believe the meaning in what I say than it is you that have found or not found something, nothing, everything You know me as well as anyone does, maybe better, because you are here. Believe what you want about my words. They are for you. to use as you will. 010807 ... Aaron i wnet to have breakfast with sheryl.. we met halfway in NJ.. she drove from NY and i drove from MD.. she's pretty cool.. there were time where we just ended up staring at eachother.. but thats only because i was nervous, and i was staring acording to her.. then we drove around.. and i was tired.. i ended up running 3 red lights.. ..she was glad to be alive.. the drive home was blah.. i'm just happy to be here. 011118 ... yummychuckle is also twenty-one Tonight I went outside with my discman and some random CDs from a pile in a cabinet. I put on a mix I intended to send to you when I was 15 or 16, thought of you, and came inside to check out blather after months and months of absence. And here you are. 080504 ... florescent light hey yummyjaime (!) it has been a while I miss this place but it is increasingly difficult to find my thoughts I wonder about myself constantly and now I am wondering about you do you have a baby girl now? oh my god, I have to see! will you email me sweetie? I can't even see you as anything other than the sweet/cute awkward 14 year old I met at the jellyfish dock in Maryland wearing those rockin' plaid pants. anyway, contact me, if you want I would love to know all about you now. and it's not too late to send that cd 080505 ... unhinged it's really good to see you again. i've noticed in the past years that when you start to have trouble finding your words, your self, it is the best opportunity to do something great. 080505 ... twenty-one hey, I tried to send you an email and I got an email back with a tone of frightening finality to it... "Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently." Tell me it is not so! send me an email at jamie.akeao@gmail.com and all will be well. 080505 ... florescent light {{hugs.nicole}} something great, like what? tell me. tell me. a n d I'll do it. and don't tell me that I have to find it for myself cause I've been trying 080505 ... unhinged yes, well, that is the conundrum. unfortunately i can't tell you what to do. you really do have to find it for yourself. i stuck to my guns and followed through even after years of depression and dropping out of music school and answering phones in a pizza shop. i don't know how, but i did. and i'm glad i did. my haydn performance tonight was a wonderful reaffirmation. and i get to make kids smile on a regular basis. so what do you want to do? what's the greatest dream you could cook up? 080505 ... florescent light so you are suggesting a career shift and/or advancement... I can't access blather from work, as the hospital has the page blocked, so you may be on to something there 080506 ... daf : ) 080506 ... unhinged i guess it's cause i grew up with the luxury of a father that was always telling me to pick a career that made me happy, not just money. (and when i first began said career he bitched at me incessantly about how i wasn't 'gainfully employed' because i don't have benefits. ah well.) but we spend so much time at work, that if we don't like our job it infects our life. i've also sprouted some serious ambitions in my own career lately. i really want to perform more and get paid to do it. working on the haydn with rachel for her recital made me remember how great it is to create art like that with other people. and being able to do that for a living sounds like the best revenge for all the people that told me i couldn't cause they were just jealous. yeah, but i really am glad to see you back around here. *grin* where do you live these days? what do you do in the hospital? (hospitals freak me out) 080506 ... florescent light "are you of west indian decent?" "sorry, I'm a jew" 080506 ... birdmad hey and howdy and hello 080507 ... florescent light thanks for welcoming me nicole, I do social work at the hospital- I do want to go back to school though just can't decide what keep changing my mind and I am still here, in NY though, I've moved around a bit 080509 ... unhinged i knew a lady in the last neighborhood i lived in that was a social worker and then opened a really cool import store. i went to her store several times, first attracted by the lapis prayer box necklace she had in the window. i went into her store and talked to her for hours. she was like my mom away from my mom. social work seems like it could be daunting at best sometimes. 080510 what's it to you? who go blather from