damian madvenomouswingedbirdserpentangel a line from "Gladiator" sums it up perfectly: "Why is he still alive? That vexes me terribly. I'm terribly vexed" 000606 ... my name means Venom of God fucker he should pray that he never crosses my path 000606 ... retartedkidnameddamian thats my name 010325 ... MexPanther Damian's Russian! 010325 ... retartedkidnameddamian it's those damn mexicans is what it is. 010327 ... unhinged he died yesterday. i've known him almost my whole life. i met him because my dad's firestation started raising money for the muscular dystrophy association and he was the poster child. he was one of the true heroes....wasn't supposed to live past five, never knew what it was like to walk, survived a coma from pneumonia. he was such a sweet guy. i'm glad after these past few years of suffering that he finally got his wings. 010601 ... cheryl brown Damian James Whitby The scourge of my life for so long. My only salvation when nothing else counts. Damn you. Damn you to hell. Standing before me at the bottom of the steps, me sitting and thinking. "You know the exact moment I fell out of love with you?" I asked, expcting you to be surprised at how recent it actually was. But when I told you, your whole body just went "DAMN", and I knew I was in trouble. Deep down I always believed you loved me, though I can't say it's something that ever happens all that often. Despite Graham's well intentioned efforts to suggest that perhaps you thought I was merely a 'nice girl'. You were fucking in love with me. Fuck. Why did it take us 4 1/2 years to say it. And why did you have to wait until I fell out of love with you, when I was still in love for so long. God. So we were in love afterall. But what's worse is "Would you like it if I was still in love with you?" you pace, you circle around me, you sit and look at me. "Are you planning on answering that?" "Could you repeat it?" "Would you like it if I was still in love with you?" "Yes" "I knew it was a yes, a no wouldn't have taken so long" Shit. I know what comes next. "So are you still in love with me?" I have to ask. I already know but I have to. pause "Yes" SHit shit shit shit shit shit. Why'd it take so long, why now? Fucking cooincidences. If I'd never gone to the royal, if I'd never walked back past that internet cafe, if I'd decided to keep walking instead of saying hi to an old friend, I would never have known. I could stay mad. You wouldn't have apologised. You wouldn't have told me everything was going to be okay, because I'm a good person and things have to work out for me. If only I had a defense to stop believing every word that ever fell out of your mouth. If only I could have the slightest hint of a doubt that you are telling the truth. But i know you're not lying. You never wanted to lose me. You really do believe you would have been better off if you'd been able to keep me, despite the pain I put you through. You never wanted to let go of my hair did you? It's all true. All of it. And I know, I know, because I'm still you. your_voice still makes the back of my neck tingle I don't want to fall back in love with Damian. I set the twenty year limit. I should try and stick to it. Why the fuck are you still in love with me? You don't think I'm screwed up at all do you? I know you don't. Jesus. Fuckin hell. What do you want me to do? 020419 ... blown cherry Where's my anaemic knight in shining armour when I need him hey? 020430 ... blown cherry I finally replied to his emails today. I'm really not sure why it took me so long. I guess I was avoiding him for some reason. But that day on the steps, and every other time he's seen me since, I don't have to say a waord, and he knows exactly what is in my head, and what the next thing out of my mouth will be, and usually voices it before I have to bother. He can read every line, every crinkle on my face, every slight angle of my shoulders, as though it were 20ft high bold lettering. He concentrates on me so hard, maybe as though he might never lay eyes apon me again. It's not awful, I guess it's a little bit nice, but it's not exactly bliss either.... to be read so very easily. It's really just weird. 020522 ... where did I go? As hard as I might try to scrummage around and sort through this awful mess, the piles of confusion and dirty laundry that clutter up my insides, alas, there is no sign of the love I once held for you. I must have been thrown it out by mistake, or else it got lost when I moved house. It's a shame. If I still had it, perhaps my life would be a lot simpler right now. 020527 ... not sure who I am today My only salvation when nothing else counts. Perhaps I'm expecting too much from this. From him. But he's never failed to deliver hope before. We can't help being who we are. 050120 ... somebody rice 050410 ... LessonsFromAngels Damian is my boyfriend. We say we are going to be together forever. We keep making plans to move in together after high school. He wants to get married eventually, have kids, be a family. He is in love with me. Completely in love with me. He completely trusts me. I like the plans. I contribute to them, encourage them, even. But no, I am not sure I am as serious as he is. I am seventeen and I don't know if I can imagine myself being with him for the rest of my life. Sometimes, it seems like by growing up, all the fun has been taken out of our relationship. Perhaps that is what makes me unsure. 060403 ... i dont want to put my blather name here My name is Damien, i have a friend whose name is Damion and another whose name is Damian. We often hang out together but we are not evil(sorry), in fact Damion is a priest. Damien is originaly Greek, meaning sweet and harmless. Damian is also Greek and means divine power. 060404 ... the nights child hmmm, this page is lying out there in the open, should he ever choose to google himself, perhaps he just thinks nobody knows his middle name. I don't know what would happen if he found it. Everything here is no longer accurate. A layer of dust has settled and everything has turned grey. Should he ever find it though, what joy and what misery would it awaken? I guess some things are best left buried. At least for a while. 081010 ... the nights child :.| 090215 ... sitting here like wet ashes with xs in my eyes apparently, after all the nasty things they said about each other to me, he and that theiving skank, the trailer_park_sorceress are now engaged. may their home smell ever of cat_piss 090803 ... the nights child he's fucking things up. He truly is. All this BS about wanting love and being happy then he just throws it out the window when a chance is there. Anyone who lets love just mosey on out the door like that is a fool of the worst kind. I wish I knew how to stop him but I think it's fairly plain that the power we used to hold over eachother is now diminshed. Perhaps she is better off without him afterall. Maybe the least I can do is cushion her fall. 100625 what's it to you? who go blather from