the_persistence_of_memory birdmad am i wearing a mask or is the mask wearing me? burying myself in the remains of the day each day until it piles up like tenement filth to the rafters like cartons and wrappers detritus, debris, and me 000401 ... silentbob one more word but its already too late i remember everything now i keep forgetting but not really it just goes away for a while but not really i just need to keep it in mind then the hours waiting, the days the weeks they go by quicker when shes in my heart but not in my arms. remember 000622 ... birdmad memory persists though i wish it would stop and just when i think i'm ready to stand up and move on it comes again like a baseball bat to my knees 000815 ... birdmad four years past: playing chauffeur for the two of you, a night at the movies...the last of the big summer storms...you in that_dress, back and forth across the city streets until 4 AM three years past: the night in the arms of the red witch and her razorblades, the decision that this was no longer the path i wanted to be on two years past: sitting with you in the back of the truck as we made our way down from the mountains to the little mining town turned hippie art mecca/tourist trap, the wind whipping through your honey-colored hair a year ago, and tonight...wishing i understood what went wrong 000903 ... Skalar pokes, and prods my thoughts, showing me details i missed and messages i ignored. what a relief when i can feel the poking and the prodding, and realize that i had not missed any details nor have i ignored any messages. 010805 ... and... persistence and passion is all i ask 020323 ... unhinged refracted 020324 ... Joana. My mind collapses Like his melting clocks And I... Have simply nothing more to say. 020324 ... bethany the trouble with epitome is that you always know what it is the worst the yummiest the best the saddest and when i think of the worst anything i think about that lie and how he's really alive and how his mother thought i was lying and my heart wells up to cry 020324 ... Photophobe My friend john would always hang it in his room sideways because he thought it had been mistakenly framed sideways. I pointed out that the title was then sideys, but he wouldn't listen. Pissed me off no end. 020325 ... bethany he hung maps from string but only got to two of the town in the county i wondered why he was hanging the county if he couldn't get around it 020327 ... afro celt sound system youll be what you want to be right here with me 030302 ... jane memory's persistence is a contradictory bitch. while at times i want to savor the moment forever, take a mental picture, capture a smell in a jar, keep a piece of this taste in my scrapbook & have it all never change, i can never remember exactly what moments were like. even, which is to say especially, those moments i loved being in. while at the same time the moments i want to throw in the dumpster & run away from haunt me 031020 ... nocturnal the only way to prove (at least to yourself) that you are the same person you were 7 or more years ago even though your body consists of entirely different cells from then. if only boats had persistence of memory, philosophers wouldn't have a problem with any of this. 031020 ... pipedream t'aint persistence. its the fact that memories never leave your head, so they keep pinging off the insides of your skull, and every time one hits the wall you remember it because a little memory-bubble on it (akin to bubble wrap) bursts, and wafts a scent or a colour or a word into your consciousness. and then you rememember, triggered by that one, tiny little thing. 031020 ... ashmanzhou some things fade to a distant point other things sleep deep and hidden and you fear to sleep in case a breath of wind evokes cold razors and warm blood or a memory stirs and colours flash like a wheel of fire inside your head and cold hands grip your arms and suddenly you are back crying blood more than tears as people scream around you caring without feeling saving without hope forever thou shalt dream of memory thou dreams-memories of undying hate cry and start to wakefulness for he is not there-he is dead 031021 ... reue no matter how hard you fight it its still there i wish i could suck it up and just live with it, instead of trying running away all the time at least it'll always be there for you 031021 ... acidshank the feeling i cant forget about. a rush every time. cant get enough. why couldnt you just be with me all the time. you make me happy. one of the only ones. comfortable. funny. understanding. please. i dream about your touch. why not? 050218 ... jane memory has dropped off the page like melting clocks, decaying; sliding down white petals bent over a pipe curve. can't remember words, fillers that we used. toenail moon sliver vanilla bean. where did hmmm whatsitcalled frustration. why not? frontal lobe disrepair, words lost like forest tree bark, brownalmostblack beetles and grass, hoppers or dodge me baby beam fall. leaves & letters left behind, my lover mine 050522 ... unhinged falling_into_memories_of_you 050523 ... picture http://www.usc.edu/schools/annenberg/asc/projects/comm544/library/images/341.jpg 050524 ... nonsensical i feel like i remember all the things i wish i could forget. 050524 ... War a_pet_within_100_days_'soda_flavor'_everywhere 050524 ... * crime_of_aggression * 050524 ... Piso Mojado blessing to be connected to my past or to push on past it 050524 ... birdmad dark_chocolate 071203 ... jane sestina 081010 ... In_Bloom Not to discount because mortal time is precious and you'll never have it back Filter through and glean as much of the good as you can, revere it and ask it to alert you and lead you to more Amplify what you have, don't overthink it Make it into as much as you can at that moment... you never can tell what is possible 081010 ... dries&hardens is all that makes us human like the taste of rainbow sprinkles in pastel yogurt and the electric color of freeze pops praying to lightning for rain the persistence of memory is all that keeps us fragile like the taste of stainless steel in a lake of grit and grease and the boiling sun's backbone begging to burn out from the heat 090707 ... . ... 110212 what's it to you? who go blather from