discussion
silentbob let's talk about it. 090617
...
Photophobe Is there anything to say? 090720
...
blown cherry I think there probably is 090722
...
In_Bloom I say we will not question when the good thing will run it's course, it's too precious and comes too infrequently to spoil by speculation 090722
...
Blake I'm not sure I have anything of use to add. But I'm never one to hold a grudge. Heartless as I apparently remain, I can listen.

blather

or

No_nevermind_I_have_nothing_to_say
090723
...
blown cherry I_have_words, but I just do not know what they are yet. Half formed embryonic thoughts floating about in the dark. Wanting to be born, but ever afraid of the light.

When I have the words, I like to do this offline, for once.
090727
...
blown cherry Although, perhaps the words will never be fully formed and you will have to make do with whatever I can muster. Poorly shaped, mongoloid, retarded literary children; expelled prematurely with no hope of survival. 090727
...
Photophobe unimpressed Common curtesy generally dictates a breakup at the end of a relationship. Like, a phonecall, an SMS, a dear John letter.
Just saying.
090818
...
blown cherry Like the phone call I gave you from Florence where I said I had met someone else and wanted to break up with you? When I told you that I couldn't stand how much of your life was separate from mine, how I don't even know who your closest friends are? How we live the best bits of our lives differently and away from each other and we're unable to cross the line to bring those together? I know you asked me to re-think everything, and really, believe me, I still am. If I'd made a clear decision about how I wanted my life to go you would have been the first to know.

And as for SMSs, I seem to recall you sending me one informing me you had started to pack your things and offering to be out before I got home, and then me meekly responding "ok".

In every difference of opinion I've bowed to yours because somehow my opinions are always wrong with you. I need someone who will spend a night with me doing nothing because they just want to spend time with me. You did it one night in the week before I left, but it was because I was leaving. You need to be doing something, you "NEED" to be social. I am not enough for you and I never was. Your wants and needs have always outweighed mine. I instantly feel on the backfoot in every conversation with you. If my need was to see you one extra night a week and your need was to go out that night and not only not see me but forfeit the next day asleep, then your need wins out every time. You couldn't even spend every second saturday putting your girlfriend's wants and needs first. I spent all my time supressing all that I had.

I don't "owe" you an explanation. I've already given as much as I am able to give. I've spent 8 years trying to change myself to fit in with you and your sociopathic craziness. I've changed until I'm barely recognisable to myself, but I don't think you realised how much work I was putting in, every day waiting for some validation of my existence in your life and so often been thrown aside. I would try so hard to suppress all the negative feelings every time you were out with people I didn't know, living a life I didn't share, and praying that you weren't ending up in beds I would prefer not to think about. It took so much energy to suppress all the doubt, the sadness, the anger and loneliness. And whenever suppressing stopped working out it would all come in rivers from my eyes, bleeding out my heart. Have you any idea how exhausting it is to weep like this on a weekly basis?

I can't do this now. If you want to talk to me be a man, pick up the phone and bloody well call me. All this bloody nonsense when I first left home about getting me to txt you first. I told you to just call me when you wanted to talk to me, but you couldn't even do that, waiting for a txt ensured you could put in the least amount of effort possible under the guise of being practical.

I'm sick of this ridiculous blathering at, no, past eachother. Putting messages out there in the blue, like traps that may or may not catch the grizzly.
090818
...
Photophobe Maybe you thought you'd said we were broken up, but in that phonecall you said you were deciding what would happen with us when we got back. Leaving me hanging there not knowing if I was supposed to start to get over you or be working out ways to fix it.
The SMS I sent when I'd discovered that you'd already made the decision was NOT replied to. The only thing I got back was a cold, practical, response to my email about dividing up our stuff, days later.
The way I see it you didn't break up with me when you should have, then decided you didn't owe me any explanation later when I knew more of what was going on.
Don't you dare tell me to "be a man" and pick up the phone - the dumper is the one to do the dumping, not the dumpee... Just because you don't like confrontation doesn't mean you don't have a responsibility to the person you were with for so long.
But fine, whatever.
090819
...
blown cherry I gave you as much explanation as I had. I some cases that was none, and sometimes the pure devastation of everything took away my words, my very ability to think.

But again I ask can we please stop doing this on blather? It gets so nasty out here and I'd like to think that some 8 years down the track we'd evolved past passive aggressive taunts and jibes (stop_haunting_me). I guess clearly not though. I'll text you tomorrow and see if you want to meet me after dinner, and before whatever 16+ hours of drug/drink fuelled mayhem you have tentatively planned with a bunch of your best strangers.
090819
...
blown cherry This is rubbish, we've got to get this conversation off here. I can't control my forked tongue. 090819
...
blown cherry and fine, if we're going to do this, what was your explanation for trying to sleep with me after you'd already started dating Anna? And what was your explanation for sleeping with Clara? Huh? O Mighty You-Owe-Me-An-Explanation-ness? 090819
...
blown cherry I don't have anything that's fair to say to you right now. If you want to meet and just blast me with anger to make me feel small and wrong and tiny and worthless, much in the manner that I have felt so many times before, then perhaps I'm almost at the point of having so little self esteem that I might allow this to happen. 090923
...
Photophobe I have no interest in doing anything of the sort. You're projecting so much onto me. 090924
...
Salacious Samantha Yay! Watching couples spar on blather is fun! 090924
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from