eli *maryJane he is tall and thin, with black hair, sadly sparkling blue eyes, and a pale, nearly white complexion. he listens to music with slow-moving jangly guitars and whiny-sad vocals, and sometimes to brash, screaming hardcore when he is feeling just right. he is strong, though you wouldn’t know it from looking at him, always hidden under layer upon layer of black. his heart beats loudly, and you can see it beating sometimes when he will allow you to. if you rest your head on his chest, it will move with his heartbeat and steadily lull you to sleep. he has a wonderfully kind and giving nature, matched perfectly with his unusually prominent hearteat. he is always there to give me hugs and make me laugh whenever i need him, and even when i don’t. he’s my best friend, and i love him. i love him so much that i’ve fallen in love with him. and of course, i don't know how to tell him. *sigh* 001202 ... eli if only this were written about me.....alas, i have brown hair and brown eyes....... 010102 ... *maryJane if only you were, then you would know - but this eli is not much for blathes, poetry, or anything of the sort.. and my misfortune is that, sadly, in these past weeks, we have drifted even further apart. 010102 ... marnaux You've got me so... You with your brown curly hair and sparkling centaur like brown eyes. Those eyes that I miss so dearly and wish only to gaze upon... and have them gaze back. From them I have learnt what longing is, but more, I have learnt what it is to love... Lover, you have given me more than you could ever know, but I want you to know... That circumstance and distance, although evil companions that have caused too much pain, have also made us recognize what it is to live inspired... *I echo that sigh* 010425 ... the amazin disappearin me (and just some reasons, in not special order) ______________________ *my skin is white with very little gold my face is soft and fair not one trace of brown there my hair is medium dark brown my hair is not "raven" colored my eyes aren't brown either You can't play Santana about me, because I have no Spanish blood, though the child I lost had some, they did.. my eyes are blue grey green the color of, I'm not sure but, not black or brown I can't be called "Raven" and i don't go to raves I don't drink or do dope And I am over thirty, not 23 or 22 I am not chasing You with my sex trying to hijack you or ambush You by flashing my girl parts online or am bushing You (literally and,...) I am not all force I am not in Your face I have not been trying to lie to You by seductions There was very little I could do in this situation and still be right with God and all those I love and face myself in the morning In any case... I don't like near L.A I don't call myself a "super model" or ask *You to kiss my ass or "call me Queen' I don't even run anyone down, like they did me, the brown ass You kiss and have sex with lately on the West coast So, I do not say these things with bitterness I am just saying that this is how it is right now And I am not those things 1. I am not in my 20's 2. I am not brown 3. My skin is white and fair, I am not what You have been writing poems to and calling 'lovely' lately, a brown butted thing I have no recourse but my good will and prayers I am sad that You say You love her I am sad that she lies about me and has no clue about me but that You may believe it I feel someday that sadness will go away though for me some may always linger about *You See, Eli I don't have a brown ass or brown eyes I don't have black hair You call "Raven" You bragged to me calling her a brick house? Was that supposed to make me feel good? After all this I no longer quite see folks in their 20 s the same anymore maybe that will change but not today And I no longer laugh as much as I used to for a long time now Thanks to *You There were various reasons I had to go but mostly because I was asked to and You were busy right? With who and what You call God's work? You can call it that You can call them and that anything you like now, I just don't have to be as pained being in the midst of it How could You think that, All, would not pain me? No wonder You guys are on opiates A conscience can be a beautiful and dangerous thing in a good way, to the lies You daily embrace and call Your own No I am blue eyed not brown eyed And weren't you really looking for something else when *You met me? maybe not Right now's just not the time, right? I may remain an unknown poet, it's fine But I can never be tan for You I can never have 'raven' hair.. I can never have brown eyes... And I think that's what *You're into? Christian? con_corazon_encendida?Crap lately, coulda fooled me *I'm just sa 100920 ... the amazin disappearin *me The Eli I love has brown eyes and hair his eyes are like liquid tea I stepped away while he was busy being seduced and chased by someone else but, Anyway.. 100920 ... the amazin disappearin *me And the thing is *Eli after awhile You may just forget about me I mean whether *You know this or nor You were, kind of, forgetting about me the whole *tears time I was there With every poem and song about someone else You shared with me With every harsh word I have forgiven but wept over with every promise You wanted to make to me about covenants and promises vows and God now You break them loving liars and lies and lying even to Yourself because dam the Truth you said as long as Your 'passions' are upheld and it's an irony because my smile got broke as I lost You Eli And the things You don't know You may NEVER know is that I have cried UNTOLD tears for love of *You and there's really not much I can do I can't look You face to face like Mz brown I can't do and say what she can... Does that mean it all was not true?? I don't think so yet seeing You in that what could I really do? it was excruciating for *me But I do not have brown eyes, Eli my eyes are blue and they lie about me to You Your lusts have lied to You about a girl You have now made a god of and forgotten the True "so in love" O poor Eli how You lie to Yourself in sinsation county I will miss You Shy I always Always do I see You from afar You may be forgetting me now maybe Your love for me may wax old and cold because of her or because of lies that You may be told about me over time because I am not there now to defend me I give You to God Eli I know all this time weren't You, kind of, already forgetting *me? 100920 ... piss off will you stop fucking pissing me off before i fucking smash your windows in. you fucking retarded frigid arrogant anus. 100920 what's it to you? who go blather from