grendel If i had known that so much of that night, half my life ago would become such a metaphor for even the least tawdry of my experiences, i might have thought to decline 040215
grendel echoes of Tantalus 040215
Drogo woven moontides shore up and back
and forthly a fifth just sits
wet sodden armrests arrestingly
birdmad (a B_T_E precursor: November 1988)

It had been a good day, Alex thought to himself. A precarious day, but that was what had made the situation that much more intense and exciting.

Hidden in an empty classroom adjacent to a packed room having to remain as silent as possible in the middle of sensations that were too much to keep quiet for.

It had been a good day but was shaping up to be a better night that went great lengths toward getting Tina off of his mind.

After getting out of the school dance and getting in the car with Brian, Alex's mind raced over the thoughts of what Zoe had done with him during her visit.

He had seen it hinted at in the skin mags that sat poorly hidden at the bottom of his dad's desk drawer at the office. Hinted at but never actually shown.

Hidden behind the floor to ceiling shelves of pottery fresh from the kiln with the thin metal blinds rustling behind him, Alex almost lost himself when Zoe took him into her mouth and with each movement of her head hands and tongue the sensation built in waves.

Sixteen years old, and plain-faced at best, Alex's thoughts interspersed between the pure reptilian sense of pleasure that was shooting through his nervous system as Zoe did her thing and the question of "how in the hell did i get this lucky?"

Though their meeting had been arranged by Brian, apparently she found something about him agreeable and attractive, as did her girlfriend Michelle, but neither of them had gone any further than drop little teasing hints that they had any desire to be anything more than just people he got to hang out with.

It wasn't love, to be sure, but it was a far cry from where things between he and Tina had falllen.

Like Alex, Brian was fond of the cold and so he drove Tony's black Cadillac convertible with the top down. The 350 under the hood purring as they rolled from the Trinity parking lot downtown, through Glendale and up towards the outskirts of Peoria.

When they arrived at the house just off of the extreme north end of 83rd Avenue and went inside with the pornography and liquor they had shoplifted from the 7-11. Brian had nicked a copy of Penthouse and Alex had swiped 2 bottles of Jack from the shelf behind the clerk who had seemingly fallen asleep on the job.

Once Brian was safely outisde, he roused the clerk and, without even being carded, bought a pack of Sampoerna X-tra clove cigarettes.

Entering the house, Alex was greeted by the sight of more bare skin than he had seen on the cheap late night two-reelers that he probably would have been home whacking off to on Showtime or Cinemax.

After a snack and a few bong hits in the kitchen with Zoe, Brian, Michelle, Tony, a guy Brian kept calling Chicago Mike and a couple of other girls who he had never met before, Alex followed Zoe and Michelle when they led him upstairs to s amall, mostly unfurnished bedroom.

A small dresser, a mattress on the floor, a little bookshelf stereo witgh a CD player and the same kind of steel and vinyl office chair that lined the inside of his dad's office.

"Sit down in the chair and close your eyes, Alex," Zoe whisered, and as he closed his eyes, she straddled him and gently pushed his hands back to the sides of the chair.

"You're gonna like this..." she said, almost purring the sentence.

He was sixteen and both of them were nineteen and he knew well enough that he was nowhere near to being their first.

From behind him, Michelle tied his wrists to the chair with a pair of nylons.

As quickly as he had sprung to attention, he would have been inside of Zoe had it not been for the layers of clothing between them.

So this was what she had meant after Ms. Antonelli had nearly caught them "in flagrante". In reality, she caught them "ex post facto" and could prove nothing, thus letting them walk with only a winking scold.
birdmad At the moment, tho9ugh, Alex was not particularly occupied by thoughts of the entertainingly wacky old art teacher, as there wre much more intrigiung events taking place in the room.

Sure that he was securely tied to the chair, Zoe unzipped Alex's fly and pulled him out.

By itself, this was almost enough to make him lose his composure (among other things) but what unfolded next was the most glorious torture Alex could have ever imagined, though later in his life he would admit that it became something of a cruel metaphor for other more torturous entanglements.

From his vantage point on the chair, where he could look, but not touch, Zoe and Michelle put on quite the show for him in more graphic detail than any of the soft-porn he had seen on cable.

They left nothing of themselves to his imagination except the curiousity of what it would be like to join them.

This went on for nearly an hour.

Before untying him, Zoe took him in her hand and told him, yet again, to close his eyes.

Inexperienced as he was, he arrived at his conclusion quickly enough and kept his eyes closed. He heard the sound of Zoe and MIchelle kissing before one of them kissed him.

Along with Michelle's tongue, Alex felt something warm and vaguely bitter in his mouth that he recognized from satisfying an recent moment of curiosity as his own come.

Zoe put him away and zipped him up before finally loosening the knots.

Brian barged into the room, alarmed and raving about having to leave before some guy called Tripod Billy showed up. Alex needed to be back home before 1AM anyway, so though he clearly wanted to stay and play it would have to wait.

As he follwed Brian down the stairs, Zoe and Michelle resumed their play, but paused long enough for Zoe to let him know that they had more plans for him.

He left, reluctantly, and was thankful that when he got home, his brother Andrew was the only one awake.

With Zoe's promise of more to come in mind, his concentration on any other topic was nonexistent until the following week when they satisfied the curiosity they had placed in his head with the show that they gave him.

As he drifted into sleep, he kept replaying the whole scene in his mind, ocassionally punctuated by a breathless "wow" from his inner monologue
spoken duct tape, sticky grey, and tight
i'm stuck, i'm bound, a useless fight
how did i end up trussed like this
a glance, a smile, a chaste kiss
she lured me back into her room
then knocked me out, i stumbled, boom
when i came to, was sitting here
tied to this chair, a hint of fear
she took my wallet, robbed me blind
and i thought that she was so kind
i have been duped and swindled too
i wish that i had, had a clue
what's it to you?
who go