eli
*maryJane he is tall and thin, with black hair, sadly sparkling blue eyes, and a pale, nearly white complexion. he listens to music with slow-moving jangly guitars and whiny-sad vocals, and sometimes to brash, screaming hardcore when he is feeling just right. he is strong, though you wouldn’t know it from looking at him, always hidden under layer upon layer of black. his heart beats loudly, and you can see it beating sometimes when he will allow you to. if you rest your head on his chest, it will move with his heartbeat and steadily lull you to sleep. he has a wonderfully kind and giving nature, matched perfectly with his unusually prominent hearteat. he is always there to give me hugs and make me laugh whenever i need him, and even when i don’t.
he’s my best friend, and i love him. i love him so much that i’ve fallen in love with him.
and of course, i don't know how to tell him.
*sigh*
001202
...
eli if only this were written about me.....alas, i have brown hair and brown eyes....... 010102
...
*maryJane if only you were, then you would know - but this eli is not much for blathes, poetry, or anything of the sort.. and my misfortune is that, sadly, in these past weeks, we have drifted
even

further

apart.
010102
...
marnaux You've got me so...
You with your brown curly hair and sparkling centaur like brown eyes. Those eyes that I miss so dearly and wish only to gaze upon...
and have them gaze back. From them I have learnt what longing is, but more, I have learnt what it is to love...
Lover, you have given me more than you could ever know, but I want you to know...
That circumstance and distance, although evil companions that have caused too much pain, have also made us recognize what it is to live inspired...
*I echo that sigh*
010425
...
the amazin disappearin me (and just some reasons, in not special order)
______________________

*my skin is white
with very little gold
my face is soft and fair
not one trace of brown there

my hair is medium dark brown


my hair is not "raven"
colored

my eyes aren't brown either

You can't play Santana about me,

because I have no Spanish blood,


though the child I lost
had some,
they did..


my eyes are blue grey green

the color of,

I'm not sure



but, not black or brown


I can't be called "Raven"
and i don't go to raves


I don't drink or do dope


And I am over thirty,
not 23 or 22


I am not chasing You
with my sex


trying to hijack you or ambush You


by flashing my girl parts online


or am bushing You
(literally and,...)


I am not all force
I am not in Your face
I have not been trying to lie to You
by seductions

There was very little I could do in this situation and still

be right with God and
all those I love and

face myself in the morning


In any case...



I don't like near L.A


I don't call myself a "super model"

or ask *You to kiss my ass
or

"call me Queen'



I don't even run anyone down,
like they did me,
the brown ass You kiss and

have sex with

lately


on the West coast




So,
I do not say these things with bitterness


I am just saying that


this is how it is right now



And I am not those things



1. I am not in my 20's
2. I am not brown
3. My skin is white and fair,
I am not what You have been writing
poems to
and calling 'lovely' lately,


a brown butted thing




I have no recourse
but my good will and prayers




I am sad
that You say You love her



I am sad that she lies about me and
has no clue about me but that You
may believe it


I feel
someday
that sadness will go away
though for me some may always linger


about *You



See, Eli



I don't have a brown ass


or brown eyes




I don't have black hair You call

"Raven"



You bragged to me
calling her a brick house?







Was that supposed to make me feel


good?











After all this
I no longer quite see
folks in their 20
s the same anymore


maybe that will change


but not today



And I no longer laugh as much as I used to for a long time now


Thanks to *You




There were various reasons I had to go

but mostly

because I was asked to



and You were busy

right?






With who and what You call God's work?











You can call it that



You can call them and that

anything you like now,




I just don't have to be as pained
being in the midst of it



How could You think that, All, would not pain me?



No wonder You guys are on opiates



A conscience can be a beautiful
and dangerous thing
in a good way,
to the lies You daily embrace and call Your own



No
I am blue eyed


not brown eyed



And weren't you really looking for

something else when *You met me?



maybe not















Right now's just not the time,

right?












I may remain an unknown poet,
it's fine




But I can never
be tan for You



I can never have 'raven' hair..






I can never have brown eyes...









And I think
that's what *You're into?


Christian?








con_corazon_encendida?Crap








lately,
coulda fooled me



*I'm just sa
100920
...
the amazin disappearin *me The Eli
I love
has brown eyes and
hair
his eyes are like liquid tea


I stepped away
while he was busy
being seduced


and chased by someone else










but,














Anyway..
100920
...
the amazin disappearin *me And the thing is

*Eli

after awhile

You may just forget about me


I mean




whether *You know this or nor


You were,



kind of,

forgetting about me the whole

*tears

time I was there




With every poem
and song
about someone else
You shared with me



With every harsh word
I have forgiven but
wept over


with every promise You wanted to make to me
about covenants
and promises
vows and God



now You break them
loving liars and
lies and

lying even to Yourself


because dam the Truth
you said

as long as Your 'passions'
are upheld










and it's an irony because


my smile got broke as I lost You Eli



And the things You don't know



You may NEVER know

is that I have cried UNTOLD tears



for love of *You




and there's really not much I can do







I can't look You face to face
like Mz brown


I can't do and say what she can...










Does that mean it all was not true??




I don't think so







yet
seeing You
in that
what could I really do?









it was
excruciating for *me












But
I do not have brown eyes,
Eli












my eyes are blue


and they lie about me to You



Your lusts
have lied to You about
a girl
You have now made a god of


and forgotten the True


"so in love"
O poor Eli
how You lie to Yourself

in sinsation county



I will miss You Shy


I always
Always
do






I see You
from afar



You may be forgetting
me now
maybe
Your love for me may wax old and cold
because of her
or
because of lies that You may be told about me
over time
because I am not there now


to defend me







I give You to God
Eli


I know all this time

weren't

You,
kind of,

already

forgetting *me?
100920
...
piss off will you stop fucking pissing me off before i fucking smash your windows in.

you fucking retarded frigid arrogant anus.
100920
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from