the_spork's_sports_rant the spork for anyone who has ever(admittedly or otherwise) spent time watching pro wrestling, Outside of a few kids and a few people who take the Weekly World News as gospel, every fan knows that it's really just a soap opera like the ones on daytime tv. the conflicts and their outcomes are determined by a team of writers, who determine, based on fan reaction, after a while, who will become champions. charisma and marketability to the fan base are the key (in the old days when the promoters sold it as a legitimate sport, the athlesticism and in-ring ability were the two governing factors, but that hasn't really been true since the mid 80's) here's where i begin to draw unflattering comparisons between the NBA and the WWF (and at least the WWF admits its all a storyline) *POINT ONE: the remark i made about how marketability is rewarded and charismatic personalities are the key. Wrestling shows have such characters in the person of Steve Austin, The Rock and other such characters who know how to get a reaction from the fans, these are the guys who one ususally finds in the main events Basketball has teams that are perennial playoff contenders, these teams usually have some colorful player who galvanizes fan reaction, in the heyday of the Chicago Bulls, you had the overacheiving straight-arrow good guy in Jordan and the wild and crazy Rodman, the Lakers had the "Showtime" team in the 80's and know have the volatile love-hate pairing of Shaq and Kobe, the sixers had the colorful and talented Doctor J in the 70's and 80's and now has the talented but hard-edged Iverson, i could go on, but i think i've established a point here *POINT TWO: In wrestling, the referees conveniently miss certain infractions and call others so as to allow the match to come to its predetermined conclusion in basketball, especially at playoff time, the referees conveniently miss certain infractions and call others seemingly dependent on who is the favorite to win (if you've ever seen Magic Johnson/Shaq/Bird/Kobe/Jordan/Barkley knock someone over on a drive to the basket and have the referee call the other guy for the block when it was clear that the star was guilty of charging, you know what i mean) *POINT THREE; In a wrestling match, the underdog will either start out strong, dominating the early going, or have a resurgence in the middle of the match to make it look like he's really got a shot at winning before the more established star puts him away for the finish. Matches that are short and clearly one-sided are called "squashes" and are designed to illustrate the power of the star player. A surprise win by a lower tier performer is a sign that they are about to be given a chance to move up or a way to build on the drama by making the star performer seem more vulnerable. in basketball, especially at playoff time, if not the games, then the series will play out in such a way as to foster the belief that the underdog might surprise everyone and come away with the series, otherwise, we call it a "sweep" *POINT FOUR: Until recently in wrestling, there were performers whose sole purpose was to lose to the more established players, making them look good, these came in two tiers, those who were booked to lose to anybody and those who were boooked to lose in better looking matches to higher tier stars, these guys are called "jobbers" and their higher profile counterparts are "JTTS" (Jobber to the Stars) In basketball, we have perennial jobbers in the LA Clippers and the Washington Wizards, we have Jobbers to the Stars in teams like the Phoenix Suns, the Utah Jazz, Indiana Pacers and Miami Heat a perfect example is the Phoenix Suns, in 1976 they had the great championship series agains the perennial champion Boston Celtics including the classic double-overtime game which fulfilled my other points as well including the look like they might pull out and win the series afterwards, they spent a few years as middle-tier playoff competitors (or "mid-carders" as they are called in wrestling) they were plagued by scandal and spent the early part of the 80's as cellar dwelling jobbers before being elevated again to JTTS status in their great championship series against the Chicago Bulls in 1992 including the classic doiuble overtime game which...well you know what i'm getting at here that's my sports rant, thanks 010511 ... yummychuckle *applauding with tears in her eyes* 010603 ... florescent light I hate sporks even more than I hate the headache and possible brain damage that banging my head against the back window of my car has caused. Sporks don't deserve sports. And they certainly don't deserve to rant. Sporks deserve to be in the trash, which is where they ALL ultimately wind up. Thank god no one has thought to put one in a time capsule. Sporks shouldn't blather, and they definitely are not entitled to own their own thread. Run far far away young spork. Be very very scared. 010604 ... the spork i'm, an old spork, and ornery too i'll do as i will 010605 ... the spork i'm a Mets fan, and man did i ever get a kick out of watching Yankee fans get their tits in a twist over the Series this year. Is is just me, or did the FOX sports guys spend entirely too much time yapping about the pool in the arizona ballpark? Between Kevin Kennedy and Tim McCarver, it's a wonder neither of them showed up to broadcast in pinstripes, never let someone who is an overt fan of a team be in the broadcast booth to cover them on national TV Magic sounded like a homer when he was doing commentary for NBC covering Lakers games Marv Albert sounds like a homer covering Knicks games for NBC (the sound of his "Yess!" becomes noticeably more emphatic for a Knicks game) Kennedy was practically in tears interviewing Joe Torre at the end of game 7, that hang-dog look of his was almost priceless just to be contrary when i feel like it, i like to root for the expansion teams in a given league when my old favorites aren't doing so hot so this year i rooted for the Diamondbacks in baseball for the Browns in the NFL, and the Columbus Blue Jackets in the NHL oh yeah, and Toronto in the NBA why did both football games this thanksgiving look so similar? hard-luck teams with fairly young rosters get whipped like dogs for three and a half periods of play suddenly threatening to pull off the miracle win in the last five minutes only to fall heartbreakingly short with about a minute and a half to go 011128 ... the spork whoo! the NBA playoffs are upon us again and we all know that the Lakers will repeat as champions. it doesn't matter who the Eastern Conference team they face in the finals will be as this year's eastern conference crop are all midcarders who will likely be squashed by the dominant champion. My bet's on Boston, it will play out as the rekindling of an old rivalry but the outcome is fairly certain. The Knicks? Not likely, but look for next year. NY would be a marketable team to push next season as "David" to the Lakers' "Goliath" ;a few trades and some free agents to get some reasonable colorful charismatic players in the blue and orange jerseys and BLAMMO! instant contenders. Sixers? maybe..Iverson's percentages are down this season and the team is barely clinging to their playoff spot Besides the Celtics i think the only other team in the east who at least resembles a contender would be the New Jersey Nets. So, here is my prediction for the NBA Finals two months in advance, we can check on it later to see how close i was If LA faces Boston, LA will be portrayed as the dominant heels (bad guys) in the picture. Since Boston is still a comparatively young team but without any single breakout "stars," they will be squashed in fewer than 6 games but at least 2 of those games will be close ones - down to the wire to keep crowd interest and underscore the series of gutsy performances If LA faces the NJ Nets, however, the Lakers will occupy the "babyface" (good guy) spot with Shaq and Kobe playing the roles of the big loveable goofball and the polished young veteran respectively in contrast to the Nets who will be the upstart "heels" led by the recently resurgent but slightly controversial Jason Kidd (don't mention the french fries). In this case the series would go at least to six and possibly to a 7th game with at least one rather convincing LA loss to underscore the drama of the reigning champions succeeding in dramatic fashion against the "bad guys" which would further reaffirm my theory that the NBA in the last few years plays out just like the great quasi-homoerotic soap opera called professional wrestling not that the level of ass-kissing in the world of sports broadcasting is any less homoerotic...but well, hey. Take that, Marv! 020404 what's it to you? who go blather from