chasing_amy silentbob BOB (to Holden) So there’s me an Amy, and we’re all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don’t really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I’m okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - menage a tois, I believe it’s called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I’m not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic. JAY Saint Shithead. Silent Bob backhands him. Jay raises his fist as if to strike. BOB Do something. (to Holden) So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, I’m out for blood I want to hurt her - because I don’t know how to deal with what I’m feeling. And I’m like "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and she’s telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn’t do anything wrong, so she’s not gonna apologize. So I tell her it’s over, and I walk. JAY Fucking a. BOB No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn’t disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I’d lacked experience, like I’d never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn’t get was that she didn’t care. She wasn’t looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me. For the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She’d moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away... Everyone’s silent Silent Bob lights a cigarette. BOB So I’ve spent every day since then chasing Amy... (takes a drag from his smoke) So to speak. ------------------ BANKY What’d I tell you - she just needs the right guy. All every woman really wants - be it mother, senator, nun - is some serious deep-dicking. That’s why I can’t buy lesbians. Everyone needs dick. See, I can buy fags. Bunch of guys that need dick - just plain need it? That I get. Dykes? Bullshit posturing. But - live and let live, I guess. HOLDEN I’m sure the gay community appreciates your support. 001209 ... silentbob HOLDEN I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I’m sure that’s what you’ll call it. And it’s not because you’re unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You’re the epitome of every attribute and quality I’ve ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you’d ever consider. But I can’t do this any longer. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I’ve never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can’t hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn’t allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot- down. And I’ll accept that But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not suppress that - at least for ten minutes - and try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who’s ever made me the person I am when I’m with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it’s there between you and me. You can’t deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of you and what you’ve meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. 001209 ... silentbob HOLDEN What the fuck are you doing! BANKY Bear with me here. I just want to put you through this little exercise. (drawing feverishly) Okay, now see this? This is a four way road, okay? Banky draws a four-way stop. He illustrates according to his voice-over. BANKY V.O. And dead in the center, is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now at the end of each of the streets, are four people, okay? You following? Up here, we got a male-affectionate, easy- to-get-along-with, no political agenda lesbian. Okay? Now down here, we have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck, agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. To this side, we got Santa Claus, right? And over to this side - the Easter Bunny. Banky finishes drawing. Holden’s shaking his head BANKY Which one’s going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? HOLDEN What is this supposed to prove? BANKY I’m serious. This is a serious exercise. It’s like an S.A.T. question. Which one’s going to get to the hundred dollar bill first - the male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny? HOLDEN (beat; then pissed) The man-hating dyke. BANKY Good. Why? HOLDEN I don’t know. BANKY (wildly crossing out the other three) BECAUSE THESE OTHER THREE ARE FIGMENTS OF YOUR FUCKING IMAGINATION! 001209 ... silentbob im feelin nothing but all alone. just missing someone i dont even know. but until i find them, i'll wait patiently. just feeling nothing inside of me. and where are you baby? where can you be? why arent you here, loving me? cuz i want to kiss you and hold you so tight, and i want to love you all through the night, i wanna feel passion i wanna feel pain, i wanna weep at the sound of your name. come make me laugh or come make me cry...just make me feeel alive. Now that my friends...is a shared..moment. 010108 ... ItGirl silent bob you said it all... thank you. 030715 ... jane honest 040404 what's it to you? who go blather from