silentbob BOB
(to Holden)
So thereís me an Amy, and weíre all
inseparable, right? Just big time in
love. And then about four months in,
I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb
move, I know, but you know how it is -
you donít really want to know, but you
just have to... stupid guy bullshit.
Anyway she starts telling me all about
him - how they dated for years, lived
together, her mother likes me better,
blah, blah, blah - and Iím okay. But
then she tells me that a couple times,
he brought other people to bed with
them - menage a tois, I believe itís
called. Now this just blows my mind.
I mean, Iím not used to that sort of
thing, right? I was raised Catholic.

Saint Shithead.

Silent Bob backhands him. Jay raises his fist as if to

Do something.
(to Holden)
So I get weirded out, and just start
blasting her, right? This is the only
way I can deal with it - by calling
her a slut, and telling her that she
was used - I mean, Iím out for blood I
want to hurt her - because I donít
know how to deal with what Iím
feeling. And Iím like "What the fuck
is wrong with you?" and sheís telling
me that it was that time, in that
place, and she didnít do anything
wrong, so sheís not gonna apologize.
So I tell her itís over, and I walk.

Fucking a.

No, idiot. It was a mistake. I
wasnít disgusted with her, I was
afraid. At that moment, I felt small -
like Iíd lacked experience, like Iíd
never be on her level or never be
enough for her or something.
And what I didnít get was that she
didnít care. She wasnít looking for
that guy anymore. She was looking for
me. For the Bob. But by the time I realized this,
it was too late, you know. Sheíd
moved on, and all I had to show for it
was some foolish pride, which then
gave way to regret. She was the girl,
I know that now. But I pushed her

Everyoneís silent Silent Bob lights a cigarette.

So Iíve spent every day since then
chasing Amy...
(takes a drag from his smoke)
So to speak.


Whatíd I tell you - she just needs the
right guy. All every woman really
wants - be it mother, senator, nun -
is some serious deep-dicking.
Thatís why I canít buy lesbians.
Everyone needs dick. See, I can buy
fags. Bunch of guys that need dick -
just plain need it? That I get.
Dykes? Bullshit posturing. But -
live and let live, I guess.

Iím sure the gay community appreciates
your support.
silentbob HOLDEN
I love you. And not in a friendly
way, although I think weíre great
friends. And not in a misplaced
affection, puppy-dog way, although Iím
sure thatís what youíll call it. And
itís not because youíre unattainable.
I love you. Very simple, very truly.
Youíre the epitome of every attribute
and quality Iíve ever looked for in
another person. I know you think of
me as just a friend and crossing that
line is the furthest thing from an
option youíd ever consider. But I
canít do this any longer. I canít
stand next to you without wanting to
hold you. I canít look into your eyes
without feeling that longing you only
read about in trashy romance novels.
I canít talk to you without wanting to
express my love for everything you
are. I know this will probably queer
our friendship - no pun intended - but
I had to say it, because Iíve never
felt this before, and I like who I am
because of it. And if bringing it to
light means we canít hang out anymore,
then that hurts me. But I couldnít
allow another day to go by without
getting it out there, regardless of
the outcome, which by the look on your
face is to be the inevitable shoot-
down. And Iíll accept that But I know
some part of you is hesitating for a
moment, and if there is a moment of
hesitation, that means you feel
something too. All I ask is that you
not suppress that - at least for ten
minutes - and try to dwell in it
before you dismiss it.
There isnít another soul on this
fucking planet whoís ever made me the
person I am when Iím with you, and I
would risk this friendship for the
chance to take it to the next plateau.
Because itís there between you and me.
You canít deny that. And even if we
never speak again after tonight,
please know that Iím forever changed
because of you and what youíve meant
to me, which - while I do appreciate
it - Iíd never need a painting of
birds bought at a diner to remind me
silentbob HOLDEN
What the fuck are you doing!

Bear with me here. I just want to put
you through this little exercise.
(drawing feverishly)
Okay, now see this? This is a four
way road, okay?

Banky draws a four-way stop. He illustrates according to
his voice-over.

And dead in the center, is a crisp,
new, hundred dollar bill. Now at the
end of each of the streets, are four
people, okay? You following? Up
here, we got a male-affectionate, easy-
to-get-along-with, no political agenda
lesbian. Okay? Now down here, we
have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck,
agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. To this
side, we got Santa Claus, right? And
over to this side - the Easter Bunny.

Banky finishes drawing. Holdenís shaking his head

Which oneís going to get to the
hundred dollar bill first?

What is this supposed to prove?

Iím serious. This is a serious
exercise. Itís like an S.A.T.
question. Which oneís going to get to
the hundred dollar bill first - the
male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating
dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter

(beat; then pissed)
The man-hating dyke.

Good. Why?

I donít know.

(wildly crossing out the
other three)
silentbob im feelin nothing but all alone. just missing someone i dont even know. but until i find them, i'll wait patiently. just feeling nothing inside of me. and where are you baby? where can you be? why arent you here, loving me? cuz i want to kiss you and hold you so tight, and i want to love you all through the night, i wanna feel passion i wanna feel pain, i wanna weep at the sound of your name. come make me laugh or come make me cry...just make me feeel alive.

Now that my a shared..moment.
ItGirl silent bob you said it all... thank you. 030715
jane honest 040404
what's it to you?
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