don't_mind_the_girl Rhin ...I can't defend my past. It's already out there - laid before you. I am ashamed of some of it's color, but underlying it all, is a genuine soul...me. Still I read them now, and most of them mean nothing to me. Things I once thought to be true, now I know never held any weight at all. With everyone else, I was always holding a large part of myself back...no matter what I said to the contrary. My wall stayed in place to protect me, and it stayed in place, because no one bothered to climb it. With others, I wanted to believe...oh god, I always somehow tried to convince myself to believe there was something there...but it really never was. I knew it at the time, but I just kept shushing that impenetrable side of my being...until now...I have laid myself out completely for you. You know more about me than anyone. This makes me so very vulnerable with you, and I don't know what to do. This is so new to me...this feeling...all of these feelings...I am having such a difficult time writing. I feel like I am starting from scratch. You...I have never wanted something so much in my life...and yet, I don't have to long for it anymore. It's right in front of me now...inside of me...coveting me. You are mine. It feels so damn powerful, and so fragile at the same time. Fragile in the sense, that I feel like protecting us from the world. This feeling is so pure...so rare, that there is no way I can give it words, or voice, without it seeming trite, but I'm trying. I think what I'm really trying to tell you (although not doing a very good job of it), is that you have me...you really have me, and if you ever decide that you don't want to walk hand in hand with my soul...with my very being, just please do me the honor, of throwing me into the first puddle, you come upon, because I won't want, what I was before, back in my grasp. I can never return to before. I just want now, and I want it to last forever. I'm breathing you in baby...making you a part of me, and now I can never let go. Can you feel me? Can you taste me? Can you feel my wings enclosing you? Mmmmmmmm... Don't mind the girl, she's just loving you! 010128 ... peyton It occured to me today as I sat across from Justin at dinner.. hearing myself speak.. I told him that he would find his someone that he craved.. I told him to never give up.. to not surrender to the flames.. because I didn't, and now my answers had no more questions.. my longing was gone.. except the bittersweet kind we know has a terminal disease. I'd never given anyone that kind of advice before. I'd never told them that things would work out.. because for me they never do. I never win anything special. I never find sand dollars at the beach. I never had anything good come my way unless I put a gun to it's head and forced it to manifest. But now.. here.. I and you.. we've combined.. in a complete way. I feel us wrapping together.. using our minds like bandages.. taping.. drinking the blood from my soul. Washing me clean with immaculate fulfillment. We are still scared sometimes baby.. we always will be because we know what its like to not have someone to cling to. We know loss. We have seen misery.. we've made love to despair. We've drank from the hands of complete and frigid lonliness. Dear God the demons we've seen. But now.. we are saved. And I never want to go back to the way I was before. I'm tired of hating.. I'm tired of being the star of bitterness that people take comfort in when they are hurting simply because they can relate. I want to be the person that people can't stand because of the stupid grin on my face, and the syrup that drips from my mouth. And because we have seen the depths.. the insanity.. we know the value of what we have. My first blather was on lonliness. I talked about meeting someone real. I've met my real person. On my second blather I asked for someone to pull me from the freezing wreckage of my life.. I've been pulled free. Blather is a magic lamp it seems. I wonder if I should wish to win the lottery. Or to have world peace.. Rhin baby.. all the pleasure has just begun. We've only begin to drink of what we have.. we have this.. this endless decanter that is our power.. and with it we will never thirst.. and we will wash our skin of what has tainted us. And you will never see another puddle.. our souls have fused.. the only way you fall is if we fall together.. which cannot happen in this universe. I love you baby.. and I'll never let go. 010128 ... frumious You two....... 010128 ... Tank wow... don't mind me, i'm just jealous..! 010128 ... Rhin Peyton, ::sigh:: I Love You! 010128 ... Megan If only I could find that kind of mutualism. 010128 ... Sintina When I first started reading this I thought it was Peyton that had written it, then the first string ended in Rhin and Peyton's came later. That is how very much alike you two are. There is a soul-mate-y-ness about you. And the fact that it can be so well expressed through words alone, is impressive and I am at a lose for any more words that I can say that will further show the joy I have for you two. You have not only given me faith in that which I believe in, but you have given me faith that me and my Matt are not the only ones like us in the universe. Of course, me and Matt have been this way over half a year, you guys still have to pass the two weeks test... Just kidding!! Just kidding!! **runs from the daggers and spears** 010129 what's it to you? who go blather from