a_weird_place kss Rant time, kiddies. So, after a smashing great time with my new friend, we stood by her car as she prepared to go home. I felt great, relaxed, and satisfied that I had just exposed a hip, interesting person for me to be friends with. To end the evening on an easy note, I simply said "You're cool, I'd like hang out again". Her reply was "yes, I'd like that. you're fun, we have fun, and I like ... I'm sure that we could ... well, I'm in a_weird_place right now, but ... yeah, I think we could go out again. I'm kind of busy, but yeah." I told her that was fine, and I'd call. As she drove away, I shook my head. Is it any wonder I have such a hard time reaching out, that I am so hesitant about meeting new people? It's such a minefield; you have to be the sort of person that eats rejection like it’s a dessert, with a little chocolate sauce and a side of espresso. I understand why she had to warn me that she's "in a weird place". Hey, I’ve been there. And, though try hard to be subtle and calm, when I'm happy or excited it's hard for me to hide. It's probably like standing next to a high voltage wire; you can just sense it, alive and full of energy, and possibly danger. Still, I'm always perplexed and disheartened when, on the first date, I get the 'this might be a bad time' warning shot is fired across my bow. I mean, _ferchrissakes, people; EVERYONE is in a weird space. I understand there can be better times than others, but why does the timing or logistics always seem to be off? So many great opportunities, all shut down by a simple issue of inconvenient circumstance, events too close or far from some other life issues. It feels like it’s the story of my life. Connection and love are always teetering on a razor thin wire, the perfect magic and interstellar bonding thwarted by some “weird space”. Maybe its breaking up with some other jerk, or some far away place that just has to be moved to, or some mind-fucking that took place 20 years ago that still needs scrubbing and a band aid. And when one person says “okay, let’s go”, there’s some issue on the other end, always something, the same shit, doesn’t matter, the timing is never right. FUCK is that frustrating. Think of this; you, me, everyone; we are a merely a mass of amino-acids, proteins, and salt water, which for some reason can see, talk, drive a car, and reproduce. Tell me that's not weird. Cripes - I don’t know if I’ve ever been “ready” for a relationship, and to some degree I ever will be. I've been in “a weird space” ever since I realized those funny pink things I kept seeing at the end of the crib were attached to my legs, and had toes all over them that I could wiggle. If I let these things, the weirdness, or the not-readiness, stop me from trying to live, to explore, to meet and maybe love, well fuck. I might as well climb into one of those graves I dug in the crawlspace, and bury myself right now. ah, well. I understand her plight, and I can accept it. I’m glad I met her, period. Rant over. Fact is, I need the friendship as much as anything, so I'll be happy if we just go for beers again. And, for the sake of sanity, and the well being of the community, I've got plans to cancel the registration on my sex drive, and put it up on blocks in the yard. Better to get that thing off the streets, where nobody will get run over, and I can stop thinking about it for more than 10 seconds. 021014 ... ~gez~ how long do you spend daily blathering? 021015 ... silentbob i thought that was you, and its weird that i thought that. i've seen your name forever, but just recently started smiling when i find its you. and i read that whole thing which is also weird for me. i say my things. i'm pretty much a ghost. and i can name a thousand weird_places 021015 ... ... hmm, i want to say something cool now. but i cant, because i dont work like that. but yeah, its good to rant. and. i feel for you? bah, i cant explain it. laterz 021208 ... kss when you consider that sucess must be somewhere around one in a million I don't feel so bad for being somewhere around 493 and counting 021208 ... IKC 56-80 a theme park run by televangelists... now now that's weird creeped out by the thougt 021208 ... Freak I used to go under water and be scared while I was under and afraid to come out and open my eyes because I didn't want to see what was waiting on the outside. Now I find a weird comfort by staying under as long as I can not caring what could possibly be there when I come out. Only caring how long I could keep my self completly hidden under the transparent liquid. 021209 ... jenny enny dots this place is in summary: every square inch of blather. 040202 ... silentbob some people describe their emotions as places 040203 ... jenny enny dots my emotions are much weirder than anything on the planet. 040203 what's it to you? who go blather from