dear_parents ~gez~ please go away for the weekend 030330 ... spathic what and leave you on your own long enough to have a ridiculous debauching house party? 031018 ... nomatter well yes nothing wrong with that (let me think that) 031018 ... oldephebe hang in there with your children even if it seems like they hold you in contempt or spurn your efforts to bequeath to them your own bitterly acquired wisdom..some things they gotta just get for themselves .. so sometimes kinda just like let go of the teutonic posturing kay? on the other hand try not inordinately indulging their self-esteem and groveling in some sycophantic slavish dance of devotion ..you'll create a child who has little empathy and one who expects the world to revolve around them .. give the little tykes a spiritual nexus..core even from a young age begin defining the concepts of compassion, consideration, sharing .. and sure we can't keep our kids from making marathon love with their own reflections but .. i was fortunate enough to have a surrogate mother who is probably one of the most beautiful people on the planet and she is this humble, self effacing source of constant compassion .. sure she can be tough .. but it's being tough out of love and not out of ire or anger .. i love her intensly..okay back on course..she set the seeds of my humility and empathy in the soil of my being .. of course everyone has their own flow so do what works for you and please try not to wound your children verbally out of anger .. and as for spanking and beatings..ah i think violence is a pretty strange way to show your love dear parents try and hold up your lives as a standard.. and a spiritual sacrifice for your children .. cause man when they leave the coop.. man i am definately not looking forward to that day..so i try and cultivate an attitude of emotional composure towards the good and the bad .. how bereft would we be if anything ever happened to those little miracles ..and yeah even for the big ones..where would we be? I love my son with a depth that cannot expressed ..and i thank god for him every day..so please parents don't resent the constraints on your social lives or wallet or whatever .. when ya do it out of love all that just fades.. 031019 ... ClairE I don't understand why you push me away. Do you want me not to love you? I am trying so hard to get you to open up, to be interested in my life, to let us all have a good relationship. I know that our whole family rests on me, I know a lot of dirty secrets, and you have my silence bought. I love you all and I don't understand why you never answer my letters or phone calls. You never even ask me simply how I am doing. The only thing you do is dictate how you want me to act. You expect me to come home every vacation but don't bother with me the rest of the time. I thought it was bad enough having to win over people before they trusted you enough to become your friends...now I'm learning even your own blood will force themselves to become strangers and I simply do not know why. And I will not end there. I can guess that maybe you are doing the best you can. Maybe you are trying to give me my space, let me grow into a strong new person. My mother did tell me, after all, upon graduation, "Just remember we will always be a part of the life you choose to lead." Rather threatening, but it's all so awkward and I wish I didn't have to orchestrate it all. I'm glad I have the opportunity to push us towards a happy family, and I'm glad that I've been doing a pretty good job at it so far, but oh! it gets so hard. Sometimes I think we each secretly think we are the one doing all the work, and perhaps we all are. I just want to have someone to count on, and the times we spend together are mostly laughter. We've come a long way from my childhood and I really have to count myself blessed for that. So I guess my closing, as always, is thank_you. When it comes right down to it, you're two pretty cool cats after all. Thanks for your David_Bowie loving, your science_fiction collection, washing my face every day when I was little, the time you bathed me when I ran a 106 degree fever, too young to remember or know what was happening, and you two young and frantic with worry. Thanks for showing me the kind of relationship not to have. I don't want my kids to know to be still and scared of flying objects, to know to stay silent then and after, when they watch me crying locked in the bathroom. But thank you also for showing me what marriage can be, and that for all the problems my brother and I were witness to, you can be comfortable and happy today. Thank you simply for choosing to bring me into this world, already about fifteen years together and just moved into the suburbs. The month you bought the house, Mom comes in and tells Daddy to sit down, and he knows already what the news is. I don’t know whether your August wedding actually changed things. Sorry you didn't have your study for another twelve years. You have given your best try, and you have my respect. I hope I can gain the same from you. Maybe someday we will learn not to be scared, all together. 031117 ... delial Mom: I love you, though I tell you this every day. Dad: I don't understand you at all, but I love you, and I'm worried because you're so ill as of late...but I'm sorry, I just can't talk to you because I try and nothing comes out. You were never there. You didn't do it to hurt me, we had great times together, but I feel alienated since you remarried. I just don't want to be around the new lady. You never even told me about it. I guess because you were cheating on my mom at the time and so mentioning it later felt weird. (?) I found out through my sisters after the divorce, because you never said anything. To sum it all up, I love you both, but some things I just won't understand. You do what you have to do, I respect that, but don't expect me to not be left feeling abandoned. I have no words to give to you. Sometimes I wish we were closer because I don't want to hurt you with my silence, but you have to understand how it is for your kid to have you act this way. Meh... I just throw in the towel on this subject. goes to bed 031118 what's it to you? who go blather from